I feel like I'm a stinker to complain about this. I do love Jeff's parents and there are honestly no long-term hard feelings. But I think we've learned that asking for privacy doesn't always mean you will get it, no matter how trusted the person is.
My hysteroscope appointment was yesterday. We had asked Jeff's mom to watch the girls before we knew of the darn cat situation. She said she might have Jeff's sister (the other half of my non-discreet brother-in-law) help with the girls since she isn't working currently due to health issues unrelated to infertility. So the help was set and we just stuck with it. Then yesterday we get a call and email from Jeff's sister saying she will be watching the girls on her own, as Jeff's mom couldn't get away from her church duties. Fine. I mean the information is already known to her. Not really great that his mom didn't tell us but whatever.
The appointment was fine and everything came up in the clear. Dr H called me during our drive home and I didn't catch some of the information he had (active natural killer cells? I don't know...don't know if it was even tested for). He still suggests the steroid treatment as precaution. So I have estrace and provera to take for 30 days and 10 days respectively and then they will do the odds-increasing biopsy during the 10 days on provera (sometime around or just after Christmas was my calculation...wahoo). Then we'll call to get our FET calendar for January.
Anyway...back to the cat-bag situation. I decide to ask Jeff's sister how they came to find out about our failed cycle when we get back from the appointment to pick up the girls. I'm with it and actually pretty mellowed out about it. We visit with her for a few minutes and then I ask in a non-accusing way and we get some weird side story about infertility testing with her and my brother-in-law. Jeff redirects and says "No (brother-in-law) said something on Sunday to us that he/you should know nothing about. How did you find out?" And the truth comes out. It wasn't a slip of the tongue or an accident divulging of information. It was intentional. Apparently his sister and mom were talking about her health issues and trials and Jeff's mom thought it was an opportunity to bring up other people's trials (namely ours) and our attempt to add to our family. She says that her husband must have overheard it. His sister claims she doesn't remember exactly what was said or how it came out. She was worried about our feelings towards her and to Jeff's mom. We had suspected Jeff's dad let it out so this was a twist for us. I was pretty level headed and said there were no hard feelings to Jeff's sister at all and we weren't upset with her or her husband. Jeff was a little more blunt and said though it wasn't their fault that we wouldn't be sharing information with his mom anymore and she would get the news with everyone else if we were to get pregnant. This worried his sister again and she tried to explain that it was all out of love and concern (I have no doubt it was even though poorly handled). She added that their family was the sort to talk things out when there are trials or things they want to help with. Nobody talked it out with us or even informed us that we were being talked about though? How quaint right? We ask who else knows and she says probably the other sibling that frequents Sunday dinners but not the other three as far as she knows. She mentions that they suspected due to the appointments or babysitting and Jeff's part-time job. Jeff quickly corrected that the job was to pay off debt (which it was). I don't remember everything else that was said. His sister tried to make things right with Jeff and ask for his "silence", wondering if we would be talking to their mom. Jeff said we probably would and his sister again expressed concern that she had said things about it that were told to her in confidence. Uh yeah...that was my breaking point. I retorted that we had also told his mom and dad things in confidence and asked that it be kept private and it wasn't. Funny how that works. Silence. I think the point was taken and the conversation tapered off onto other casual things for a few minutes until we left.
I still feel bad that it was this sister that was found in the middle of it. She has a very tender heart and is prone to worry so much already. I know they are having a hard time with their own infertility struggles. Maybe Jeff's mom meant it to comfort them but I can't imagine how it would. I wouldn't want to hear about others attempts if I were in the middle of it and child-less still. I empathize with them for sure and I want their success and happiness. I talked with her a little before we left, while Jeff got the girls in the car. She cried and felt bad and worried about it. We hugged and I tried to tell her again that there were no hard feelings, especially with her and her husband. I told her that things were not handled how they should have been or how we wanted them to be, but it wasn't their fault. And that we were obviously going to be more cautious and protective of our own privacy.
Nothing else has came from it yet. We haven't talked to Jeff's parents. I imagine at some point we will but we aren't in the wrong. We won't be making any apologies and I would hope that they don't expect any.
Showing posts with label FET cycle #1. Show all posts
Showing posts with label FET cycle #1. Show all posts
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Monday, November 18, 2013
Cat Is Out Of The Bag...
We went to Jeff's parents for dinner last night. We do this every other week typically. While we were there Jeff asked about his parents watching the girls for the Friday appointment...I don't remember if it was all that secretive or who was around as I was in the other room. Dinner went as usual and Jeff's sister and brother-in-law readied to leave. I stood up and gave them both a hug goodbye and I get this somewhat cryptic farewell from my brother-in-law of "sorry your experiment didn't work". I was confused and thought he was referring to some prank I'd tried on Jeff. Nope. A little nod of the head and his restating with tone of voice let me know that they were aware of our failed IVF attempt. I looked at Jeff who looked just as bewildered as me. I shrugged off the apology as to not make a big deal of things and went to the kitchen. Jeff followed shortly after. What the hell. We had been pretty specific about our intentions of not telling any family members unless there was a success. How specific can one really be in such a matter? Why would you think it was okay to talk about it when we were specific that we didn't want it mentioned?
Oh and thanks for calling it an "experiment" because ya'know that's what it totally was. My doctor is a mad scientist and we just gave them thousands of dollars to do an "experiment" on me. Why don't you just call me a guinea pig while you're at it. I mean really? It was just handled all wrong by my brother-in-law. If you want to mention that you know and express condolence you don't do it while the rest of the family at dinner is around. And honestly you shouldn't even know about it so you shouldn't say anything at all. My own siblings don't even know anything.
And I try to give Jeff's parents the excuse that maybe they are just trying to be sensitive or protective of this sibling as they are going through their own infertility struggle. But guess what? I don't know anything about their situation or what they are doing in regards to children. So why do they all the sudden get to know our current situation. Why is our privacy subject to some other rule? And wouldn't it be more sensitive to not mention this to them unless something were to happen?
It just makes me wonder how many other people Jeff's parents have deemed privy to our private information. It really bugs me. Not that this sibling knows now because they weren't in control of what was told to them and it can't be untold. But it really irks me that my in-laws thought it was okay to tell anyone when we asked nothing be said.
I guess that is how it goes when it takes a clinic and multiple people to even attempt getting pregnant. Infertility just takes your privacy right out the window along with every other bit of normalcy that you had before.
Oh and thanks for calling it an "experiment" because ya'know that's what it totally was. My doctor is a mad scientist and we just gave them thousands of dollars to do an "experiment" on me. Why don't you just call me a guinea pig while you're at it. I mean really? It was just handled all wrong by my brother-in-law. If you want to mention that you know and express condolence you don't do it while the rest of the family at dinner is around. And honestly you shouldn't even know about it so you shouldn't say anything at all. My own siblings don't even know anything.
And I try to give Jeff's parents the excuse that maybe they are just trying to be sensitive or protective of this sibling as they are going through their own infertility struggle. But guess what? I don't know anything about their situation or what they are doing in regards to children. So why do they all the sudden get to know our current situation. Why is our privacy subject to some other rule? And wouldn't it be more sensitive to not mention this to them unless something were to happen?
It just makes me wonder how many other people Jeff's parents have deemed privy to our private information. It really bugs me. Not that this sibling knows now because they weren't in control of what was told to them and it can't be untold. But it really irks me that my in-laws thought it was okay to tell anyone when we asked nothing be said.
I guess that is how it goes when it takes a clinic and multiple people to even attempt getting pregnant. Infertility just takes your privacy right out the window along with every other bit of normalcy that you had before.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Follow-Up and Future...
We had our follow up with Dr H yesterday. He talked about our FET transfer and he told us that the quality on the blasts that thawed were rated as "fair" but we were likely given the higher odds by the transferring doctor due to the embryos hatching. He said something to the effect of he probably would have looked at both quality and hatching and maybe more weight should have been put on the "fair" rating. Thanks. That information would have been useful to us at the time not now morons. Makes me so mad to know we should have been advised to transfer both instead of given such high odds based on one little bit of information and not the whole picture.
The rest of the appointment had it's positives and it's negatives. The positive we came away with was that Dr H is willing to do some treatment for the autoimmune possibility (high dose steroids in the short term for 5-days and heparin or baby aspirin) and that insurance should cover the two tests he wants us to do (hysteroscopy and uterine biopsy). The uterine biopsy is more for the purpose of raising odds of implantation than for finding an autoimmune cause.
However the negative we came away with is that the quality of embryos left isn't that stellar. Dr H seemed pretty darn positive and then I reminded him that I didn't think we had any blastocysts left and so he reviewed the embryology report and some doubt crept in to even his positive outlook. He talked about how they don't even freeze morulas on day 5 anymore (they wait til day six and if they haven't developed more they discard them). In our understanding we have: two EB3, two M2 cav, one M2- cav, one M3 cav and two M2 left. He looked over the report and pointed out blasts and said he still thinks there is hope for one or two good viable chances at a live birth. Again we were reminded that they didn't know what was frozen together. Seriously that irks me and makes me so mad every time they say that. How can you not know? or make a note?
Then he talked about doing one cycle and thawing everything and looking for the very best or doing two cycles and thawing one straw at a time. We have two straws with 4 embryos in each remaining still. When he talked about thawing both straws for one cycle I knew he didn't think our odds were that great. He did end up recommending splitting it into two cycles if we could afford to because he felt it was a better chance still. Then he started asking about the possibility of three out of four surviving a thaw and what we would do or how we would feel about transferring three. Yep my "crappy odds" radar went off again. I asked him how often they consider transferring three in situations with morulas and he said that each doctor considers it depending on circumstances and in this case it would likely be considered if we wanted to. My hopes were down on the floor at this point. I didn't cry. I wanted to but I held it in. Dr H tried to pick up the tone and hopes again by saying he was still very optimistic about this still working for us. It helped but not very much.
He sent off a request to schedule the hysteroscopy in a few weeks. He said we could do the scope and biopsy together but thought it might be beneficial with timing (in case there were something to correct found with the scope) to do them separately. He mentally tried to figure out a possible timing for us...asking about my cycles and bum ovaries. Once again I guess it pays to not have your ovaries running interference on things...they can schedule the scope without much timing and move forward pretty easily. Then he said it might be tight to squeeze in a transfer before the clinic closed for the holidays. I said that was fine and I didn't want to go through a cycle during the holidays or have another disappointment during that time anyway. Wahoo for Miss Positive here huh? So at any rate we are looking to have everything line up for a January cycle at this point.
Now we just have to consider the possibilities of one cycle vs two and whether we want to take the risk (if given and no matter how slim) of having twins or even triplets. What a mess. I don't really have much hope of this working anymore. But I don't know how to not try still. In some ways I just wish I had never crawled out of my cute babies and fun toddlers pleasant little cocoon to desire any more.
The rest of the appointment had it's positives and it's negatives. The positive we came away with was that Dr H is willing to do some treatment for the autoimmune possibility (high dose steroids in the short term for 5-days and heparin or baby aspirin) and that insurance should cover the two tests he wants us to do (hysteroscopy and uterine biopsy). The uterine biopsy is more for the purpose of raising odds of implantation than for finding an autoimmune cause.
However the negative we came away with is that the quality of embryos left isn't that stellar. Dr H seemed pretty darn positive and then I reminded him that I didn't think we had any blastocysts left and so he reviewed the embryology report and some doubt crept in to even his positive outlook. He talked about how they don't even freeze morulas on day 5 anymore (they wait til day six and if they haven't developed more they discard them). In our understanding we have: two EB3, two M2 cav, one M2- cav, one M3 cav and two M2 left. He looked over the report and pointed out blasts and said he still thinks there is hope for one or two good viable chances at a live birth. Again we were reminded that they didn't know what was frozen together. Seriously that irks me and makes me so mad every time they say that. How can you not know? or make a note?
Then he talked about doing one cycle and thawing everything and looking for the very best or doing two cycles and thawing one straw at a time. We have two straws with 4 embryos in each remaining still. When he talked about thawing both straws for one cycle I knew he didn't think our odds were that great. He did end up recommending splitting it into two cycles if we could afford to because he felt it was a better chance still. Then he started asking about the possibility of three out of four surviving a thaw and what we would do or how we would feel about transferring three. Yep my "crappy odds" radar went off again. I asked him how often they consider transferring three in situations with morulas and he said that each doctor considers it depending on circumstances and in this case it would likely be considered if we wanted to. My hopes were down on the floor at this point. I didn't cry. I wanted to but I held it in. Dr H tried to pick up the tone and hopes again by saying he was still very optimistic about this still working for us. It helped but not very much.
He sent off a request to schedule the hysteroscopy in a few weeks. He said we could do the scope and biopsy together but thought it might be beneficial with timing (in case there were something to correct found with the scope) to do them separately. He mentally tried to figure out a possible timing for us...asking about my cycles and bum ovaries. Once again I guess it pays to not have your ovaries running interference on things...they can schedule the scope without much timing and move forward pretty easily. Then he said it might be tight to squeeze in a transfer before the clinic closed for the holidays. I said that was fine and I didn't want to go through a cycle during the holidays or have another disappointment during that time anyway. Wahoo for Miss Positive here huh? So at any rate we are looking to have everything line up for a January cycle at this point.
Now we just have to consider the possibilities of one cycle vs two and whether we want to take the risk (if given and no matter how slim) of having twins or even triplets. What a mess. I don't really have much hope of this working anymore. But I don't know how to not try still. In some ways I just wish I had never crawled out of my cute babies and fun toddlers pleasant little cocoon to desire any more.
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Autoimmune Link...
I still feel our failed FET could be related to autoimmune issues. Yes there's always the blame card right? My body has been it's own combination punching bag and Mike Tyson for the last several years though. It took out my thyroid with Graves' Disease. Possibly was a factor in taking out my ovaries. And for lack of any other good reason I think it may have helped take out the poor little embryo and chance that was given.
I know most doctors would call me crazy (or any woman crazy) but I honestly really believe that the cramping and twinge feelings I had the evening of and day after the transfer were that embryo trying to make a home. It wasn't cramping all over. It was one very precise side and spot. And I felt it a few times over those first few days in the same place. Followed by achey fullness and light stretching almost as well and then some lower back cramps. I was 100% convinced it was working. Then my body started reacting to the shots (maybe coincidental but I still wonder) and it was very soon after that all of those "good" feelings went away and I started realizing it was over.
I've read A LOT on autoimmune stuff in the past and now I've begun reading about secondary infertility (non-ART and via failed IVF cycles) and found medical information about the body (especially those with a history of autoimmune issues) developing natural killer cells and T-cells (?) that can work in the uterus and target and even prevent implantation of the embryo from being successful. I wonder if that was and would be the case in the future. I emailed the team to also ask about this possibility (without going into detail on the feelings I had) and any testing to do before trying another transfer. We will see what Dr H has to say if anything about it. If anyone reading this has experience with autoimmune stuff or treatment during IVF please let me know (I appreciate the contact I did receive and will reply soon).
Update on asking Dr H. He agrees that this possibility is definitely worth looking into and possibly testing for and also mentioned prevention/suppression he has done with other patients. He mentioned steroid treatment during cycle and also use of baby aspirin and a possible endometrium biopsy. He also shared a research article about mild medical injury (ie scratching) to the uterus prior to a cycle improving the chances of implantation greatly. It sounds like we will need to set up an appointment with him to go into more detail. It makes me hopeful that he actually considers this a very possible interaction though. I wish we would have considered this before we used up our best frozen chance. I hope it's not too late if we look at it now.
I know most doctors would call me crazy (or any woman crazy) but I honestly really believe that the cramping and twinge feelings I had the evening of and day after the transfer were that embryo trying to make a home. It wasn't cramping all over. It was one very precise side and spot. And I felt it a few times over those first few days in the same place. Followed by achey fullness and light stretching almost as well and then some lower back cramps. I was 100% convinced it was working. Then my body started reacting to the shots (maybe coincidental but I still wonder) and it was very soon after that all of those "good" feelings went away and I started realizing it was over.
I've read A LOT on autoimmune stuff in the past and now I've begun reading about secondary infertility (non-ART and via failed IVF cycles) and found medical information about the body (especially those with a history of autoimmune issues) developing natural killer cells and T-cells (?) that can work in the uterus and target and even prevent implantation of the embryo from being successful. I wonder if that was and would be the case in the future. I emailed the team to also ask about this possibility (without going into detail on the feelings I had) and any testing to do before trying another transfer. We will see what Dr H has to say if anything about it. If anyone reading this has experience with autoimmune stuff or treatment during IVF please let me know (I appreciate the contact I did receive and will reply soon).
Update on asking Dr H. He agrees that this possibility is definitely worth looking into and possibly testing for and also mentioned prevention/suppression he has done with other patients. He mentioned steroid treatment during cycle and also use of baby aspirin and a possible endometrium biopsy. He also shared a research article about mild medical injury (ie scratching) to the uterus prior to a cycle improving the chances of implantation greatly. It sounds like we will need to set up an appointment with him to go into more detail. It makes me hopeful that he actually considers this a very possible interaction though. I wish we would have considered this before we used up our best frozen chance. I hope it's not too late if we look at it now.
Friday, October 25, 2013
Beta Blues...
I have the beta blues. Big Fat Negative of course. Right now I think BFN stands for something besides Fat and I don't mean Fluffy.
I was grateful a male drew my blood today as what was the likelihood he'd ask anything personal. I had my backside checked by a nurse who said it looked sore and reactive for sure. She went to her computer saying we would need to order a different solution with olive oil instead of sesame oil and try that. I told her I didn't think it was necessary and cried a little saying I'd already tested at home. Way to blow my cover that I was worried about before right? She handed me tissues and said she would call when they knew for sure.
Drove home and a couple hours later got the call that immediately was left for voice mail to pick up. Negative. Negative. Negative. No surprise but it hurt to hear for absolute certain. Silly me even emailed later to make sure running the test two days early wouldn't have made a difference. Rub salt in the wound. Yep why not? A phone call with an even more solid "it was negative for sure. I'm sorry".
Jeff was wonderful and came home from work without asking. What else do you do when your wife sobs on the phone to you. So now my eyes are still full of tears and my belly is full of hot wings and french onion soup. I can't complain forever. I had my two sweet girls with me when I listened to the voice mail. They both sensed that this was worse than the weepy mom of the last couple of days. Seren patted me on the leg and laid her head on my lap and kept saying "ohhhhh" Kendall crawled up next to me and also laid on me. When I talked to Jeff he talked to the girls for a minute and Seren in a very concerned voice said "Daddy...Mommy not happy". He asked them to give me a hug which they had already been doing. Blessings. Pure sweet blessings. I'm focusing on that.
I was grateful a male drew my blood today as what was the likelihood he'd ask anything personal. I had my backside checked by a nurse who said it looked sore and reactive for sure. She went to her computer saying we would need to order a different solution with olive oil instead of sesame oil and try that. I told her I didn't think it was necessary and cried a little saying I'd already tested at home. Way to blow my cover that I was worried about before right? She handed me tissues and said she would call when they knew for sure.
Drove home and a couple hours later got the call that immediately was left for voice mail to pick up. Negative. Negative. Negative. No surprise but it hurt to hear for absolute certain. Silly me even emailed later to make sure running the test two days early wouldn't have made a difference. Rub salt in the wound. Yep why not? A phone call with an even more solid "it was negative for sure. I'm sorry".
Jeff was wonderful and came home from work without asking. What else do you do when your wife sobs on the phone to you. So now my eyes are still full of tears and my belly is full of hot wings and french onion soup. I can't complain forever. I had my two sweet girls with me when I listened to the voice mail. They both sensed that this was worse than the weepy mom of the last couple of days. Seren patted me on the leg and laid her head on my lap and kept saying "ohhhhh" Kendall crawled up next to me and also laid on me. When I talked to Jeff he talked to the girls for a minute and Seren in a very concerned voice said "Daddy...Mommy not happy". He asked them to give me a hug which they had already been doing. Blessings. Pure sweet blessings. I'm focusing on that.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Pressure Is On...
Well the little needle sticks with a little itching turned into small itchy bumps, and then itchy hives and now one big itchy hive that covers my entire left injection side. One email about the itching and basic advice from the nurse about PIO shots and moving around the prevent lumps and if it got red, swollen or really itchy they might need to see me.
Well this happened:
And then a couple days and one shot later it looked like this:
I emailed the IVF nurses once in between with a picture saying I didn't think it was normal but that I could handle hives and itching until the beta was done. I never really heard back that day so I thought they were okay with my plan. Then Day 3 (today) happened and I decided I better email them more directly (not through the mychart system via the hospital they are related to). I emailed the IVF nurses a series of the pictures directly and said I was pretty sure this wasn't normal or okay anymore.
I recieved a phone call a couple hours later that no this wasn't normal and that they didn't want me to wait until Sunday/Monday beta results. Basically saying that sometimes when you've done PIO shots before that your body can build up a localized reaction to them. It doesn't affect the progesterone but obviously isn't good for your sanity or tissue long term. The nurse advised me that they do have a different PIO mixture with a different oil/base but that most pharmacy's don't just carry it so they would have to order it (most likely mail order it). Since we don't want to be ordering more medicine if it isn't necessary they want me to go in for my beta early (Friday) and be sure to get same day results. That way if I am pregnant they will know to order and get the process going so my body can stop reactions (hopefully).
I feel like a ticking time bomb. Sunday was nice enough to go in for a blood test and I asked to go to a more local lab on Saturday and that was okay. Now it's going to be on Friday instead. The nurse assured me that they would be able to tell by a blood test by then if I was pregnant but to me it just seems so much closer especially since I have taken a couple pregnancy tests at home that have been pretty basically been negative. So I feel like not much can change in that arena in the next 3 days. Who knows in the end I guess...maybe it'll be better to get out of 2 week wait hell sooner than later.
Well this happened:
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| Day 1: Injection to left side on Saturday morning...Sunday morning it looked like this. |
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| Day 3: Left side swelling has gone beyond our Day 2 outline to see if it was getting worse |
I recieved a phone call a couple hours later that no this wasn't normal and that they didn't want me to wait until Sunday/Monday beta results. Basically saying that sometimes when you've done PIO shots before that your body can build up a localized reaction to them. It doesn't affect the progesterone but obviously isn't good for your sanity or tissue long term. The nurse advised me that they do have a different PIO mixture with a different oil/base but that most pharmacy's don't just carry it so they would have to order it (most likely mail order it). Since we don't want to be ordering more medicine if it isn't necessary they want me to go in for my beta early (Friday) and be sure to get same day results. That way if I am pregnant they will know to order and get the process going so my body can stop reactions (hopefully).
I feel like a ticking time bomb. Sunday was nice enough to go in for a blood test and I asked to go to a more local lab on Saturday and that was okay. Now it's going to be on Friday instead. The nurse assured me that they would be able to tell by a blood test by then if I was pregnant but to me it just seems so much closer especially since I have taken a couple pregnancy tests at home that have been pretty basically been negative. So I feel like not much can change in that arena in the next 3 days. Who knows in the end I guess...maybe it'll be better to get out of 2 week wait hell sooner than later.
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Earning My Stripes (or spots)...
Well apparently I have been earning my stripes with this cycle. In the short time we have been doing shots this time I have two definite bruises to report. How many did we get last time? Zero. No problems with soreness or bruises at all last time. Worth it but wondering what's different. I've only gotten a couple on my left side so far but the most recent is pretty bad and raised like a welt. Does that mean bad progesterone absorption? allergic reaction? We've noticed the needles aren't exactly 90 degree straight with the syringe so we haven't tightened them down as tight now and that seems to help the straight factor. We'll see if it helps with the bruising. Any tips to avoid bruising? or help with current bruises?
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| Left side spots. Right side is still clear for now. Don't be sad Mom ;) Love ya |
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
What a Relief...
Transfer went smoothly. Poor Jeff got a stomach bug or ate something so he was throwing up the night before and that morning. So although we hadn't planned it he stayed home from work for the rest of the day after the transfer and didn't go to either of his jobs. It was kind of nice to just have us all chilling at home. We discussed our plans of one vs two being transferred the night before. Jeff was okay with transferring only one if the odds were around 25-30%. You can see how twins have scared us off of the possibility of twins again...love them but sleep deprivation, difficulty breastfeeding and juggling two babies is killer. I was okay with just one if the odds were around 40%. Our clinic has an average success rate with frozen cycles of around 40% with average transferred being two or slightly over two. So we agreed to somewhere around 35-40% being a good average.
We had traffic and sickness issues, along with dropping the girls off with my in-laws, and were 15 minutes late getting to the clinic. Our attempt to call was met by a machine and their office hours not being open until 8 am (the time we arrived). They didn't act like it was a big thing. We still waited just as long or longer in the transfer room so I didn't feel so bad. Dr M was the transferring doctor this time. We had never met him but he was very warm and easy to adjust to. He brought out my file and a picture of the two embryos that had survived the thaw. One looked great and the other looked okay. He explained one was in great shape and the other was moderate to good. Our odds transferring the one would be around 50-60% with a 5% chance of twins he told us. What the what!! I couldn't believe it. I think the sigh of relief could be heard from both Jeff and I. Dr M continued that the success rate to transfer both would be around 60-70% with a 30% chance of twins. We were over the moon to have such good odds with one and immediately agreed to just transfer the one. We asked about the stuff that seemed to be growing next to the embryos and were told that they were hatching and that this was a good sign as well. I was given the Valium and had some giggles from that and then the transfer was done, the obligatory wait was over and we were sent home. Luckily after picking up and taking the girls home they were happy to oblige us in an early afternoon nap due to their early wake up call. Our entire house crashed for a few hours and it was wonderful.
Now the front room is littered with Gatorade bottles, the TV has been playing Yo Gabba Gabba and I've been chilling out today with the girls on my own. Following my same regimen of liquid intake suggestions (mostly Gatorade) and eating fresh pineapple as I did with our fresh cycle but opting to skip the Raspberry Leaf tea this time (man that was gross last time). I also have not been as strict on my "bed rest" but how can I be when I still have two little ones at home to care for. I've taken it easy for sure but haven't grounded myself to the couch. It's been a nice change. Now we just wait and hope (and Google a little of course).
We had traffic and sickness issues, along with dropping the girls off with my in-laws, and were 15 minutes late getting to the clinic. Our attempt to call was met by a machine and their office hours not being open until 8 am (the time we arrived). They didn't act like it was a big thing. We still waited just as long or longer in the transfer room so I didn't feel so bad. Dr M was the transferring doctor this time. We had never met him but he was very warm and easy to adjust to. He brought out my file and a picture of the two embryos that had survived the thaw. One looked great and the other looked okay. He explained one was in great shape and the other was moderate to good. Our odds transferring the one would be around 50-60% with a 5% chance of twins he told us. What the what!! I couldn't believe it. I think the sigh of relief could be heard from both Jeff and I. Dr M continued that the success rate to transfer both would be around 60-70% with a 30% chance of twins. We were over the moon to have such good odds with one and immediately agreed to just transfer the one. We asked about the stuff that seemed to be growing next to the embryos and were told that they were hatching and that this was a good sign as well. I was given the Valium and had some giggles from that and then the transfer was done, the obligatory wait was over and we were sent home. Luckily after picking up and taking the girls home they were happy to oblige us in an early afternoon nap due to their early wake up call. Our entire house crashed for a few hours and it was wonderful.
Now the front room is littered with Gatorade bottles, the TV has been playing Yo Gabba Gabba and I've been chilling out today with the girls on my own. Following my same regimen of liquid intake suggestions (mostly Gatorade) and eating fresh pineapple as I did with our fresh cycle but opting to skip the Raspberry Leaf tea this time (man that was gross last time). I also have not been as strict on my "bed rest" but how can I be when I still have two little ones at home to care for. I've taken it easy for sure but haven't grounded myself to the couch. It's been a nice change. Now we just wait and hope (and Google a little of course).
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| Decided to add a picture of the little ones. We used the larger blastocyst and the other was donated for research. |
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Checking in
We are still just plugging away at this cycle. The days keep going by and it seems to be quickly approaching. Only two weeks left until our transfer. By the end of the month we will know if there is any success. Scared? Yep. Nervous? Of course. Excited? Well that too.
I'm still preparing myself for both sides of the coin. I don't know how you really prepare yourself for failure though. The words associated with a cycle of that sort pretty much say it all: negative, big fat negative, failure, non-successful, etc. There isn't really a happy twist to it. You try and you either succeed or fail at the attempt. We do still have Kendall and Seren to keep us busy and happy. They were our saving grace the first time around and they will be again if this time doesn't work.
We used to ask Kendall and Seren if they wanted to have a baby in the house. They are almost 3 and little girls so of course they love babies (mostly their own). They were undecided and we had our laughs at their little arguments to agree. We asked them again when we decided to try whether they would want a brother or a sister. The vote was split on this one also...Seren for a sister and Kendall for a brother (I hope they don't both get their wish). But now that we are in cycle we don't mention or ask much. I would love for them to have another sibling. A lot of my desire for trying again stemmed from this idea of them having a little brother or sister. Now we just have to wait and see.
I'm still preparing myself for both sides of the coin. I don't know how you really prepare yourself for failure though. The words associated with a cycle of that sort pretty much say it all: negative, big fat negative, failure, non-successful, etc. There isn't really a happy twist to it. You try and you either succeed or fail at the attempt. We do still have Kendall and Seren to keep us busy and happy. They were our saving grace the first time around and they will be again if this time doesn't work.
We used to ask Kendall and Seren if they wanted to have a baby in the house. They are almost 3 and little girls so of course they love babies (mostly their own). They were undecided and we had our laughs at their little arguments to agree. We asked them again when we decided to try whether they would want a brother or a sister. The vote was split on this one also...Seren for a sister and Kendall for a brother (I hope they don't both get their wish). But now that we are in cycle we don't mention or ask much. I would love for them to have another sibling. A lot of my desire for trying again stemmed from this idea of them having a little brother or sister. Now we just have to wait and see.
Thursday, September 26, 2013
The Fast Track...
We went in for my sonohystogram yesterday and received our calendar for this cycle this morning...there were some questions the nurse wanted to clarify with Dr H once I told her I didn't need to take the Lupron. One thing can be said for POF/POI, it doesn't slow you down when it comes to frozen cycles. I had been expecting the typical calendar of approximately a month before transfer. We had said we'd like to just move forward as soon as possible and the nurse originally gave us a tentative time frame of the week of November 4th transfer. This was fine by me. Time to get ready. Time to comprehend and let it all really settle into my brain. But low and behold Dr H told our nurse that due to my ovaries sitting on the sidelines already for this game that I didn't need to do Lupron (knew that) and also didn't need to manipulate my cycle with birth control (good job ovaries).
We were given the option to start Estrace and a cycle immediately or postpone a little if we had our hearts set on Dr H doing the transfer. I was pretty tempted to postpone out until November 4th but after checking my calendar realized that I have a boutique show scheduled that week with a friend. So since there is no harm, no foul in having another doctor do the transfer we are going ahead with the earlier transfer the week of October 14th. Barely two weeks away. The nerves are starting to kick in. Ready or not the clock is ticking.
We were given the option to start Estrace and a cycle immediately or postpone a little if we had our hearts set on Dr H doing the transfer. I was pretty tempted to postpone out until November 4th but after checking my calendar realized that I have a boutique show scheduled that week with a friend. So since there is no harm, no foul in having another doctor do the transfer we are going ahead with the earlier transfer the week of October 14th. Barely two weeks away. The nerves are starting to kick in. Ready or not the clock is ticking.
Thursday, September 12, 2013
All or Nothing
That would seem to be the theme of today's appointment to discuss a frozen cycle. Dr H did our transfer with our first cycle that resulted in Kendall and Seren. Since our other doctor has retired since our last care we decided that we would like to proceed with Dr H. Also we just like him more and find him very competent. Anyway just a side note there.
The main note of course is that a) we can proceed whenever we like due to me being on birth control / hormone replacement and not needing Lupron (yeah for POF). b) he doesn't advise transferring only one embryo during a frozen cycle. c) of the 40% that get pregnant as a result of frozen embryo transfers 1/3 of those end up with a twin pregnancy. So it would seem that this is really all or nothing. To be honest the idea of it scared me at the appointment. I was ready to balk and back out unless it was a single. Yes we made it through twins once but the idea of doing it again with two already in tow was pretty darn terrifying to me. Jeff seemed more to take it in stride. Dr H asked "if you were to have twins again would it be the end of the world?" and I thought Jeff would be the first to say "yeah we're not going to do that" but he was just honest that it was hard but we could do it again if it came to that.
Now that Jeff and I have had a discussion about the chance it doesn't seem as daunting. First of all, the chance of pregnancy with a frozen transfer is still around 40% (not stellar) and second of all if that 40% happens the chance of twins is only 33% or less. So the combined likelihood (according to Jeff's calculation) is about a 13% chance of twins again. I can live with that. Will I be shaking in my boots if the result comes down the line that we might have two sets of twins in our home...yes, yes I probably will be. But for now I feel good about giving it a chance still.
We are waiting to hear back on some matters from our hopeful donation couple and then we will begin moving forward with this little adventure.
The main note of course is that a) we can proceed whenever we like due to me being on birth control / hormone replacement and not needing Lupron (yeah for POF). b) he doesn't advise transferring only one embryo during a frozen cycle. c) of the 40% that get pregnant as a result of frozen embryo transfers 1/3 of those end up with a twin pregnancy. So it would seem that this is really all or nothing. To be honest the idea of it scared me at the appointment. I was ready to balk and back out unless it was a single. Yes we made it through twins once but the idea of doing it again with two already in tow was pretty darn terrifying to me. Jeff seemed more to take it in stride. Dr H asked "if you were to have twins again would it be the end of the world?" and I thought Jeff would be the first to say "yeah we're not going to do that" but he was just honest that it was hard but we could do it again if it came to that.
Now that Jeff and I have had a discussion about the chance it doesn't seem as daunting. First of all, the chance of pregnancy with a frozen transfer is still around 40% (not stellar) and second of all if that 40% happens the chance of twins is only 33% or less. So the combined likelihood (according to Jeff's calculation) is about a 13% chance of twins again. I can live with that. Will I be shaking in my boots if the result comes down the line that we might have two sets of twins in our home...yes, yes I probably will be. But for now I feel good about giving it a chance still.
We are waiting to hear back on some matters from our hopeful donation couple and then we will begin moving forward with this little adventure.
Monday, August 26, 2013
Matching and Moving Forward...
Well as I've posted before we have been looking for a couple to pass on our remaining embryos to. We like to think that we have found a good match for ourselves and for the possible children. I won't go into specifics but they are a couple close to our age with a child and have been trying for a long time to have a sibling(s) without success. We have similar beliefs on how to handle a relationship between ourselves and the children involved, maintaining contact and personal space as well. We are excited about things with this going forward.
It has also made our own plans start rolling. We have been in debate over any other children for at least the past year. We have decided that we would like to give it one more try with a frozen embryo prior to donating. This was stipulated with the couple we are donating to. I think Jeff and I both feel good about this decision. I know that I am both excited and anxious at the thought of how things may or may not turn out. We don't want to pursue more than one more cycle and we are willing to accept the possibility it very easily could turn out negative. If this is the case we will move on with our two beloved daughters and consider ourselves just as blessed. Whatever the case may be I know that for me it has been like a burden of stress and responsibility is lifted to have both decisions being made. Now if I can just wrap my head and heart around the idea of both possibilities.
It has also made our own plans start rolling. We have been in debate over any other children for at least the past year. We have decided that we would like to give it one more try with a frozen embryo prior to donating. This was stipulated with the couple we are donating to. I think Jeff and I both feel good about this decision. I know that I am both excited and anxious at the thought of how things may or may not turn out. We don't want to pursue more than one more cycle and we are willing to accept the possibility it very easily could turn out negative. If this is the case we will move on with our two beloved daughters and consider ourselves just as blessed. Whatever the case may be I know that for me it has been like a burden of stress and responsibility is lifted to have both decisions being made. Now if I can just wrap my head and heart around the idea of both possibilities.
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