Grandkids...granddogs??

I hope I don't ever offend anyone with this post. I am really blessed with great in-laws and I count myself lucky that I enjoy them since my own parents aren't close by (to enjoy as much as I would like) right now. When we first got Thor and brought him to Draper sunday dinners at Jeff's parents' house it was more like he was fun and a dog...something for the kids to play with and enjoy. We still mainly bring him so that the kids can play with him (and so he doesn't leave his "leavings" at home in the house). But lately Thor has been treated and (sometimes almost referred to) as a granddog. It's cute and I'll never complain that both my parents and Jeff's recognize Thor as part of our family because he is. And where I notice it the most (at Jeff's parents) I realize it's probably in an effort to make us feel comfortable with the kid situation and possibly even some longing for a grand child being projected on our dog. Sometimes I just enjoy it and find it humorous and other times it kind of makes me sad. I don't really know how to explain it. Makes me feel kind of like he's our "kid" because we can't have kids or something or like I'm disappointing myself and others with this. Most of the time I admit that it does make me feel more included and "taken care of" though so that is always nice.

Maybe Thor will find some down time again soon though. Becky, Jeff's sister, announced over the weekend that she was pregnant. They have three kids right now and Becky swore up and down that they didn't want anymore. But low and behold they got pregnant by "surprise" still. There is something about "surprise" pregnancies that just gets under your skin when you can't even get an "on purpose" pregnancy. How can it be so easy and even unplanned for some and others try for years without any success. I guess I shouldn't complain as Jeff and I were both "surprise" babies too...we wouldn't be alive or together if it wasn't for things like that but it still just stings a little. We are really happy and excited for Becky and Brian though and hope that it all goes well. Hope too that someday we'll be in those shoes.

Grant application

I suppose it doesn't matter now to put this on here. Jeff and I applied for a Family Building Grant from the Tinina Kade Foundation in August. We didn't tell anyone because we didn't want to have anyone waiting on it but us. We filled out a big application and got a referral letter from Dr. Gibson. The foundation is able to give up to $10,000 to the families awarded (last year they gave awards to 8 families). With our savings and finances in mind we requested $8,000. They were to notify those awarded by the end of October and the "winners" were supposed to fly to Washington D.C. for the formal awards on January 2nd. We received a confirmation of receipt email with 42 other applicants CC'd (yah not high marks on the privacy) and so we considered that perhaps that was all that had applied. We were more hopeful because of this.

We found out around October 17th that we were not being awarded anything. There were actually 130+ applicants. I guess we didn't really expect to get it but it still was a blow to our hopes. I wish there was a way to know why. I felt a little like the idea of donor egg stuff may have put us at a disadvantage. It is not really looked on with a positive light by most media I know of. It feels like we're never going to get anywhere on this. I know we will but right now it just stinks. With our budget right now we have no money that can go towards savings. I think the grant application and writing short essays on why we wanted it and thought we'd be good parents and such got us both more hopeful and thinking about the possibility more realistically. I know it did for me. Perhaps that's why it was an even worse let down. We do still have a good chunk of savings and despite money being tight we don't touch it which is a blessing. Hopefully soon we'll get where we need to be.