We went to Jeff's parents for dinner last night. We do this every other week typically. While we were there Jeff asked about his parents watching the girls for the Friday appointment...I don't remember if it was all that secretive or who was around as I was in the other room. Dinner went as usual and Jeff's sister and brother-in-law readied to leave. I stood up and gave them both a hug goodbye and I get this somewhat cryptic farewell from my brother-in-law of "sorry your experiment didn't work". I was confused and thought he was referring to some prank I'd tried on Jeff. Nope. A little nod of the head and his restating with tone of voice let me know that they were aware of our failed IVF attempt. I looked at Jeff who looked just as bewildered as me. I shrugged off the apology as to not make a big deal of things and went to the kitchen. Jeff followed shortly after. What the hell. We had been pretty specific about our intentions of not telling any family members unless there was a success. How specific can one really be in such a matter? Why would you think it was okay to talk about it when we were specific that we didn't want it mentioned?
Oh and thanks for calling it an "experiment" because ya'know that's what it totally was. My doctor is a mad scientist and we just gave them thousands of dollars to do an "experiment" on me. Why don't you just call me a guinea pig while you're at it. I mean really? It was just handled all wrong by my brother-in-law. If you want to mention that you know and express condolence you don't do it while the rest of the family at dinner is around. And honestly you shouldn't even know about it so you shouldn't say anything at all. My own siblings don't even know anything.
And I try to give Jeff's parents the excuse that maybe they are just trying to be sensitive or protective of this sibling as they are going through their own infertility struggle. But guess what? I don't know anything about their situation or what they are doing in regards to children. So why do they all the sudden get to know our current situation. Why is our privacy subject to some other rule? And wouldn't it be more sensitive to not mention this to them unless something were to happen?
It just makes me wonder how many other people Jeff's parents have deemed privy to our private information. It really bugs me. Not that this sibling knows now because they weren't in control of what was told to them and it can't be untold. But it really irks me that my in-laws thought it was okay to tell anyone when we asked nothing be said.
I guess that is how it goes when it takes a clinic and multiple people to even attempt getting pregnant. Infertility just takes your privacy right out the window along with every other bit of normalcy that you had before.
3 comments:
Sorry that your privacy was violated and your BIL handled it so poorly. You are right, we lose a lot of things with infertility: autonomy and privacy being some of the worst for me
Oh, that sounds pretty darn awful, Michelle. I would have been very angry and so I was nodding my head furiously at all the points you make in your post.
I hope your husband can mention to his parents that private means "don't tell anyone", just in case they missed that somehow.
Thanks ladies! It helps to see that we're not crazy thinking this is a big violation of trust even if it has just stayed in the family (hoping that's the case).
Post a Comment