Beta Blues...

I have the beta blues.  Big Fat Negative of course.  Right now I think BFN stands for something besides Fat and I don't mean Fluffy.

I was grateful a male drew my blood today as what was the likelihood he'd ask anything personal.  I had my backside checked by a nurse who said it looked sore and reactive for sure.  She went to her computer saying we would need to order a different solution with olive oil instead of sesame oil and try that.  I told her I didn't think it was necessary and cried a little saying I'd already tested at home.  Way to blow my cover that I was worried about before right?  She handed me tissues and said she would call when they knew for sure.

Drove home and a couple hours later got the call that immediately was left for voice mail to pick up.  Negative.  Negative.  Negative.  No surprise but it hurt to hear for absolute certain.  Silly me even emailed later to make sure running the test two days early wouldn't have made a difference.  Rub salt in the wound.  Yep why not?  A phone call with an even more solid "it was negative for sure.  I'm sorry".

Jeff was wonderful and came home from work without asking.  What else do you do when your wife sobs on the phone to you.  So now my eyes are still full of tears and my belly is full of hot wings and french onion soup.  I can't complain forever.  I had my two sweet girls with me when I listened to the voice mail.  They both sensed that this was worse than the weepy mom of the last couple of days.  Seren patted me on the leg and laid her head on my lap and kept saying "ohhhhh"  Kendall crawled up next to me and also laid on me.  When I talked to Jeff he talked to the girls for a minute and Seren in a very concerned voice said "Daddy...Mommy not happy".  He asked them to give me a hug which they had already been doing.  Blessings.  Pure sweet blessings.  I'm focusing on that.