Myth Busted: They won't want me if I can't have kids...

Infertility can strengthen a relationship.  Infertility can destroy a relationship.  For us, infertility was there from day one in our marriage.  I met my wonderful husband in August 2006 and began seeing my doctor at the end of that year, after skipping my period for four months .  I didn't know there was something wrong at the time.  Even with the proposition of POF by my doctor in early 2007 things in my life kept taking their course.  I mentioned to Jeff I was seeing the doctor for some issues but never imagined POF would really happen so I didn't tell him that part.  About the time that Jeff and I began talking about marriage and looking at rings and all of those fun things some not so "fun" news came.  My doctor wanted to do a last ditch effort of putting me on the pill for 6 months but it was fairly certain that I did have ovarian failure despite only being 26.  In May 2007 I decided I would lay all my cards out on the table to Jeff.  I couldn't have kids.  We weren't engaged and I didn't expect him to stay with me with this 99% certain diagnosis.  Jeff didn't balk.  I somewhat felt he was putting on a brave front or the "things will work out...it's just a fluke" that I felt up until then.  I told him that I wanted him to really think things through and understand what it would mean for us if he were to stay with me.  I basically gave him an out and told him I'd understand if he took it.   He agreed to think about it only at my request.  Infertility didn't stop things though and in June we were engaged and in October 2007 we were married.

Among wedding planning and newlywed bliss I think we both somewhat forgot about the impending truth.  At the end of November my prescription ran out and early December resulted in a blood draw and a final doctor's appointment.  Bring your husband.  It couldn't be good news.  I was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure and basically no chance, beyond a miracle, of having kids on my own.  It really hit that time.  I was devastated and broke down in tears in front of my doctor and Jeff.  I felt betrayed by my body and like in some small way I had betrayed or tricked Jeff into marrying me.  I was depressed for months.  I went about my job as mindlessly as possible and then would come home emotionally exhausted.  For weeks, Jeff would come from work to find me in bed crying or sleeping.  I would cry myself to sleep.  He had no idea what to do for me.  He would lay down beside me and just hold me.  What else could be done.  As time passed things generally got better.  But we had our bad times too.  We had fights over it or things related to it.  There were a couple of time where I didn't know if we would make it through.  But we did.

I never once felt like Jeff didn't want to be with me be with me because of infertility.  For some I'm sure that was or is a determining factor.  For me it was only another reason to realize that he would love me no matter what.  I have been so greatly blessed by having such a wonderful man in my life that despite my pushing him away at times refused to leave.  I am constantly reminded of how lucky I am both in how he treats me and now in how he treats our girls.  I am so lucky.  We are so lucky to have him.

Sometimes I think how little we both knew about the real impact that infertility would have on us when we agreed to take it on together.  But together we did.  In the beginning I didn't want to burden him with my issues.  But that is the wonderful thing I've learned about marriage, it's pure design is so that husband and wife can help bear one another's burdens.  It doesn't mean the burden is lighter as a whole but it certainly helps to have someone sharing the load.

I am so lucky...

I am so lucky to have married the man I did. He truly is my best friend. Jeff is so selfless and always willing to do anything for me. I want to learn to be more like that. He is so patient and kind. He's never made me feel bad for my weaknesses or second best to anything (okay he loves his video games alot...but I know with a simple request he's right there). I don't know how many men would have stuck by my side during the last year. I'm sure it wasn't fun a month into marriage to have to deal with a depressed bride and constant tears and different bouts with emotion. But he has been my biggest support and I don't know how I could have made it through so "gracefully" without him. I appreciate him so much and admire so many things about him. He makes me laugh all the time and I can say or do anything around him. He is always willing to help around the house and make dinner...even more so now that my work hours have changed. He is always there for me even when I think I can do it on my own...yes I'm the stubborn one. He is the best and ever will be the best thing to ever happen to me.