Tips on Parenting Twins
(my thoughts...not necessarily professional)
1. Schedule...most parenting advice out there says to "follow baby's lead" on eating and sleeping and all else. Well honestly with twins I don't think this is possible or healthy. Yes feed them when they are hungry and put them down for a nap when they are sleepy/cranky. But if you try to let them run things you will be thrown for a loop. Have an idea of when they'll be hungry and be prepared. Get to know about how long they can go without sleeping. Change them at the same time and if possible feed them at the same time (I didn't last long with breastfeeding so this is where it may be challenging). Put them down for bedtimes and naps at the same time...a little crankiness may ensue try not to feel bad (I use a "cry it out" parenting style to a point so this may not work if you are strongly opposed to this).
2. Oil your squeaky wheel...if you do plan on them leading the way on feeding, sleeping and changing time, then pay attention to your squeaky wheel. Trust me...one child will be more needy or at least more vocal about it. When this child wants to eat feed them both. When this child wants to sleep put them both down for a nap. When you get one dirty diaper change them both (or as I do...change after an event...change after nap time or meal time; then you aren't always wondering when the last time you changed them was). Eventually they will start to synchronize (hopefully).
3. Accept help...take all the help you can get. If someone offers to watch your babies while you sleep, shop or just have some alone time. Let them. If they want to bring you a meal. Let them. If they want to hold your babies, feed your babies or just in general give you a free hand. Let them. If they just offer to help in general. Let them know what you need and let them help. Always be appreciative and grateful but don't turn down an opportunity to receive help (even if it's just a few minutes or a meal).
4. Don't expect too much...Don't expect too much of yourself. You are doing twice the job that most moms do (even more if they aren't your first kids). Keep in mind you are only one person and only have two hands. You will be busy of course. Just don't expect to never have a crying baby or always be on top of things. I don't know yet whether parenting twins slows down developmental stages at all (my inclination is that is must affect it somehow) but don't sweat it. They will grow. They will learn. They will keep up or catch up just like any other child.
5. Enjoy nap time...as people say, sleep when they sleep. If you don't need to sleep then enjoy some time to yourself. Read a book, catch parts of a movie, do a craft or clean. Don't worry about having a clean house at all times. A friend once told me..."Happy kids are more important than a clean house".
6. Don't Compare...don't compare yourself or your kids to others. Don't allow others to compare either (or at least don't participate if they start). I honestly think that twins are at a slight disadvantage when it comes to development and being "on target". Also children develop at such different rates. Kendall is very active and rolls across the room now (June 2011) whereas Seren doesn't like to roll over and would rather chat it up with you instead. Don't compare them to each other (I know I just did hehe). But honestly let them be their own person and don't expect them to be alike and don't worry if they aren't accomplishing things at the same time.
7. Individualize Them...maybe this is a personal choice and pet peeve. But don't try to make them be the same. I try to coordinate outfits for pictures sometimes (same outfit in different colors) and I spent hours making bedding that would coordinate (because I didn't want to buy identical sets). Let them be unique from day one and continue to spend time with each one-on-one. We plan on having daddy-daughter and mommy-daughter dates where we split them up and take them out individually. Also I read this in a children's "twin book" but take more pictures of them separately.
8. Don't Stereotype...don't label your twins personality and behavior. I think with any child it is easy to label their personality but I think especially with twins you see the differences and try to make it easier to discern one from the other by saying "she/he is our shy one/outgoing one". I read this on a parenting website that if you label your child's behavior then you are likely causing a self fulfilling prophecy for the future. We used to label Kendall as our shy one (she is more observant and will smile at you and then turn away) and Seren as our outgoing one (she is very social even towards strangers and loves to chat it up) but then after reading this we have tried to redirect our comments and labels to be more neutral.
9. Routine, Routine, Routine...any parent worth their salt will tell you that kids love routine because it helps them know what to expect. We have definitely discovered this with bedtime. We tried a routine for a while, then we got lazy, then the girls started freaking out (ie not going to bed easily) and then we went back to the tried and true routine. Bless routines! They go to bed without a complaint (usually) and it is blissful. If nothing else do yourself a favor and have a bedtime routine. It can include: feeding, a quiet game, story time, bath, cuddling or any other activity your child enjoys. Do the same order and same start time every night and you will see results quickly (our girls took a few nights to catch on was all).
More to come (most likely)....
