NIAW: Looking Back

It is National Infertility Awareness Week.  1 in 8 couple suffer with infertility.  Some resolve through adoption, various infertility treatments or living child-free.  So many are in the trenches and trying to figure out their paths today.  Be aware and let them know you care.

It has been nearly 3 years to the day since we had our transfer.  On April 28, 2010 we "met" our daughters for the first time and hoped like hell that this crazy adventure they called donor egg IVF would work.  That we would be parents.  What an amazing journey it was to get to that point and what a ride it has been since. When we first pursued donor egg I was a little worried about the genetic implications for me and the girls.  I still worry a little and wonder how things will look when the girls are old enough to understand.  But on my end I am 100% completely in love with them and I know they are the children we were meant to have no matter the road that got us here.

Looking...

I guess we're officially looking at both sides of the coin now.  I signed up for a profile with Miracles Waiting with the knowledge that we may try another cycle but would still have remaining embryos.  It seems so weird to be seriously considering giving these embryos to someone else.  They are our children.  They aren't born.  They may never be born.  But they are ours.  But as strange as it seems to be giving them to someone it seems even worse to consider not doing so.  Not giving them a chance.  Taking the possibility of life out of something that took so much to come to be.  I want whoever we do decide on to have all of the embryos (whether it be 9 or 11...whatever happens there).  I don't really want them passed on any further.  I want it to be a somewhat open or willing to be open relationship.  I don't want to take away the girls choice and opportunity to possibly meet these children.  Such mixed feelings on how to deal with this and explain it to them over the years.

I feel more and more discouraged about having another child.  I feel like I need a mountain of more patience and that often my patience is made thin just chasing two little two year olds around.  I sometimes feel guilty that I would want to spread our time and love out with another child.  I sometimes feel guilty that they will only ever have each other if not.  It almost feels like a knee jerk reaction when I consider donating them.  A feeling of  "no, we need to try again before giving them away".  Still feeling both sides of it I guess.  Nothing is completely decided though so who knows.

Anyway looking through profiles is strange enough.  I keep wanting to find someone with a similar story to my own.  To our story.  I've seen a few women with POF (premature ovarian failure) or low ovarian reserve listed as their Infertility Diagnosis.  I feel more connection to them and more sympathy...I suppose because I feel like I know what they are going through.  It is overwhelming to see how many couples and women turn to or are pursuing embryo adoption, even though I'm sure it is such a small percent of the grand scheme or total.  For what it's worth...we are looking (and hopefully deciding).

Hopeful Exit...

We have been involved with Early Intervention services for 6 months now.  Kendall is up for a review and evaluation of her service plan.  She has surpassed her goals amazingly (not surprisingly just freaking amazing) and would need new goals if we stay in services.  I think we are going to be done with services and that she's well on her way to being completely on track.  I am so proud of her and how well she has done.  Early Intervention has been such a blessing and I'm grateful we were referred and that I learned so much more about how to be helpful with both Seren and Kendall.  They are rocking it!  Kendall knows around 15 letters and has started associating them with the words they start "m...mommy" and she's getting her colors and other words constantly.  She may not be at an advanced level or still quite on track with other 27 month olds but she is definitely (I think) beyond a need for services.  We will see.  At our last in home visit Miss M planned on us meeting with a speech pathologist to evaluate Kendall and determine if services were still needed.  Miss M doesn't think they will be and decided not to set another appointment unless needed.

I have been amazed with Seren and Kendall's progress over the last couple of months specifically.  They are doing great with everything...social, speech, problem solving, independence (oh the independent toddler spirit...heaven help us haha) and much more.  I am grateful we received help when needed and feel silly looking back that I was so devastated and upset with myself and so worried that I had completely failed them both.  Now just looking forward to our hopeful exit from services and probably some more expert advice on how to keep it going.

Day 7: Potty Training Twins

We are into Day 7 now.  It's been a week.  We are all still alive.  Some of us are still in diapers and some of us wish everyone was still in diapers.  Yesterday, Kendall was still having the same "performance anxiety" on the toilet.  She would hold it for hours and when she squirmed or had "that look" I knew she had to go.  But she would either refuse the potty or not let it go until just after getting off the potty.  After two accidents directly after sitting on the potty I decided maybe Kendall just wasn't ready.  I gave her the option of wearing a panty or a diaper and she firmly wanted the diaper.  They say you should never go back once you set off but who cares.  Kendall is so much happier and less stressed (this makes two of us) now that she in a diaper and can just observe Seren being trained.  It has taken stress off me to not be juggling two little girls.  And Seren has been doing great.  She pees almost every time she sits down.  She pooped on the grown up toilet today.  Granted we still need to work on telling me instead of me reminding but this is total progress and I'm not complaining.  I still offer Kendall to sit on the potty if she ever acts interested but I don't push anything beyond that.  I know many twin moms train at the same time.  I really love the idea of it but in practice it was not working for us.  I plan to work with Seren on it for a while and then about the time I transition her to real panties I think we'll give Kendall another good shot at it.  Here is hoping.

For what it's worth...I like what I read on someone's blog about not mentioning potty training to friends in case they the trainer bailed or didn't follow through.  Amen to this!  I wish I didn't mention it to friends.  The only good thing that came out of this was that I stuck to my guns more this time.  Other than that it has felt like added pressure on me to make it work or know what the heck I'm doing.  Also, being the mom with the oldest daughters of my close friends I felt like I should train first (imagine big scary cliff haha).  I do secretly hope that training doesn't come super easy to my friends (come on that would be totally unfair).  But seriously who cares.  Seren will catch on.  Kendall will catch on.  It'll all be dandy (and dry) in the end.

Day 4: Potty Pooper...

and no I'm not referring to any two-sies hitting the toilet.  Those have all been misses.  They should totally give you a huge warning before going into potty training that you need patience times a billion.  I have had patience for three days.  Accidents didn't phase me much and success was praised.  Today (day #4) was the worst day yet.  From the moment they woke up they refused to sit on the toilet.  I have asked them to.  I have told them to.  I have set the timer and told them the timer says it's time.  No. No. No. Crying no.  Yelling no.  Wet panties.  Soiled panties.  One or two successes from Seren.  Zero for Kendall.  I eased up and just tried to let them tell me when they wanted to go and only asked when they squirmed or were headed to the bathroom solo.  Kendall told me she had to pee and sat on the potty.  Nothing and then a minute or two later came to me with soggy underwear.  She told me she had to poo and we looked at and read books on the potty for 5 minutes or more.  A couple minutes after leaving the bathroom she came back to me saying she had to pee...but wait she had already pooped in her underwear.  I lost my patience and cried in front of them...much to their dismay.  I think they tried harder after that but still they would sit on the potties only to hop off and pee within minutes.  Ugh!!  Lunchtime came and after lunch I tried telling them to go to the potty again and was met with more "no!".  I was irritated and mad.  I yelled.  I sent them to their room with pull ups on for a nap and called it an afternoon.  Holy hell do I ever wish this was easier.  Maybe that I had waited longer.  That I was only potty training one at a time. Nap time hit and I drank most of a 2-liter of Dr Pepper (I don't drink alcohol so this is the best I could do HAHA), ate the rest of the M&Ms that were meant for their rewards and took a big giant chill pill.  They are still sleeping and I'm devising my plan of attack for tomorrow.

-  Feed them a good breakfast.  The bad days seem to happen with cereal.  Oatmeal and pancakes they devour and stick with them so that seems to help.
-  Potty Training Mantra:  If they aren't hiding it they are on the right track.  In other words if they come to the bathroom or to me even after an accident then something must be clicking even a little bit.

So far that's all I've got.  I need a magic pill for patience and I'll be set.  Reading online that it can take months helps a little...it's depressing but it helps.  Anyway more undies to wash and dry before this day is over.

Nap time is over and they are still refusing to sit on the potty when asked.  Kendall sat for 5 or 10 minutes on her own with books and toys but no results.  I am feeling done but they also say "no!" to going back in diapers.  Is this totally normal defiance?  How do you get past this stage?

Update:   I read up and asked advice of parents online about the defiance and took the positive attention only approach.  Don't get upset, don't give them power with "no" and just let it slide and positively reinforce everything you want to happen while ignoring things you don't.   Things went better over the weekend.  Perhaps because Jeff was there to help juggle the two.  Perhaps it was the hearty breakfast of pancakes.  Perhaps it was giving up some control and not pushing when they said "no".  I did give in to Pull Ups for the road and a couple errands.  They kept them dry once after being out for almost an hour.  They peed or tried to pee at Grandma's house over the weekend.  Seren pooped in the potty for Jeff.  Kendall sat on the toilet at home on her own for 20 minutes or more reading books and playing games on the tablet.

Day 1 & 2: Potty Power...

Maybe if you've potty trained and watched any of the videos out there for kids the song will get stuck in your head too.  If not feel free to YouTube it and you'll know what I'm talking about.  You're welcome.

We are on day 2 of potty training both girls at the same time.  I'm better today than yesterday and I'm sticking it out this time for the long haul.  I know it is going to stick this time and they are going to get it.  Please let me be right.

Day 1 was traumatic.  Kendall picked the wrong day to start an ignoring mom charade and I picked a bad day to discipline her about it.  Seren did great and peed on the potty several times and only really wet her training pants once and then a few times when daddy came home.  Kendall had no successes.  She was excited to sit on the potty (training potty and potty insert both) but wouldn't pee.  I put her in a diaper just before nap time and she promptly filled it up so I knew she had to go.  Mid way through the day I traded the toilet inserts for the cushier and more secure one and this seemed to help her willingness to sit longer but she was obviously distressed at peeing.  I read up on it during nap time and asked friends' advice.  One suggestion and attempt at getting her going by pouring water over her just made her more mad and upset.  I gave up a little and just let her wet her training pants and feel it was uncomfortable.  Jeff came home and after an hour of me trying still with him around (the girls seemed to lose focus and pee more) I went in our room and let him take it on for a half hour or so.  Lots of wet panties and a couple poopy panties until bedtime.  The girls got pull ups for bedtime and naps.  I wanted to change their routine enough for them to see a difference with no more diapers.

Day 2 was better.  They had a role reversal and Seren started having issues holding it until she got to the bathroom.  I convinced Kendall she could play with my tablet if she sat on the potty.  She plopped right down on the cushy potty insert and played for 10 minutes or so as I raced Seren from the front room with an accident, tried to get her to pee on the smaller potty and proceeded to make her clean up the wet undies and check the carpet.  Somewhere in the midst of this I heard Kendall peeing on the toilet and I raced to praise her.  She definitely seemed worried like she was in trouble and so I praised and hugged and that got her smiling.  It must have clicked because an hour or so later she was hurrying to the bathroom and getting herself on the potty to pee again.  Lots of praise for every success for both of them today but feeling setbacks with Seren.  I am hoping it will click for Seren in the 'holding it' department in the next couple days and that Kendall will relax a little more.  Kendall definitely has trouble eliminating.  She can hold it but can't seem to stop the flow so she gets all scared once she's going on the toilet and wants to hop off...not a good thing mid-stream needless to say.

Day 3 has yet to be seen....

Potty training any child is an adventure for sure.  Potty training twins is a circus if you ask me.  I am the clown juggling the balls and I keep hoping eventually I will stop dropping them.

Enjoying a reward this morning after peeing on the potty