It's been three days since I heard the comments from my father-in-law. They didn't sound like they were meant to hurt but they bothered me.
You see we decided at our house that we should be trying to pay off debt quicker. First the credit card debt which isn't that high compared to many Americans. And then focus on the student loan debts. Finally paying off a car loan we received from Jeff's parents. Jeff and I both looked for jobs we could do during the swing shift and hours that the other could watch the girls. Jeff applied for a couple, one in a different division of the state job he has. I applied for one at the hospital I worked at before the girls were born. Jeff was a better catch I guess and got the second job he applied for. So we've been working long shifts. Jeff leaves for work Monday through Thursday at 8 am and doesn't return until 9:30 pm. I am with Kendall and Seren on those four days all day long without a break. On Fridays he is home at his usual time but Saturdays half of the day is taken by this part time job again. It's not really fun for either of us. The girls rarely see their dad four days out of the week. I think Jeff has the harder end of it all but I don't consider my piece to be all that easy either. Tantrums, potty training, breaking up two-year-old fights, typically no grown-up interaction...not exactly a cake walk.
But when the news of Jeff taking on another job gets brought up after our Sunday dinner at his parents, after the general information gathering ends, I get some sideways comment from Jeff's dad about how "Michelle's ventures in making some extra money weren't paying off enough huh?" (I recently did a craft show with a friend and then we also held a yard sale together to get rid of some junk). Then some other remarks about how I went back to school for medical office work and coding and wasn't I still pursuing that or if that was a possibility to do at home.
I went back to school after crazy enormous stress with social work and knowing I needed something to fall back on if heaven forbid our infertility treatments didn't work. Jeff and I wanted me to stay home with any children until they were in school. This was the plan even when I was in school and working two part time jobs and pregnant with twins (yep I know what work is...thanks). But nope I wasn't actively pursuing it. I actually sat on my duff and ate bon-bons while I forced Jeff to go get another job. Blah! It was Jeff's idea to get a second job and we both tried to apply. Maybe I'm not as marketable...sorry!
My father-in-law has two son-in-laws who both work an extra job also to make ends meet or to pay off debt (worse than ours I might add). I don't hear any fun being poked at his one daughter for being home with the kids though or the other daughter with no children yet for working a part-time job while her husband works two jobs. Maybe that's just my perception and granted I'm not around to hear things said to them but I kind of doubt they are. Like I said...I just keep replaying those comments in my head and it just rubs me the wrong way over and over. Time to drop it out of my mind and move on I guess.
Honestly though women just can't win in general. You stay home with your kids and you're considered uneducated or lazy or unmotivated. You send your kids to daycare and go to work you're looked at as a poor mother or someone with their priorities all wrong. It's ridiculous. Why can't anyone just champion women taking care of their children with no regard or judgement as to what they do during the day. If the kids are growing and developing, fed and clothed, and have a great bond with their parent(s) then who cares...obviously their kids are okay with it.
So I'll say it. No matter the way you live your day or night you are making an amazing mother (or will/would make an amazing mother). You are doing more than enough to pull your part of the weight whether your are home or away. You are enough and so much more.
*I hope this isn't offensive to Jeff. I do love my father-in-law and he is a great man with many more good qualities than shortcomings. I just want to get it off my chest and out there.
