Gratitude and fateful feelings...

Things are still plugging along and forward. We have been finalizing our math on the finances and I've been working on things with UCRM in regards to my medication and insurance coverage. Can you believe it...insurance actually covers some of my progesterone in oil shots (PIO) and covers 100% of the syringes/needles...at least from what I can tell. YEAH! They finally step up a little. And the estradiol that I will be taking is what I'm already on and I can get the generic of that from Target for cheap too. So my med costs are not so much a worry for me anymore at this point although I know the donor meds will still be a pretty penny.

Jeff received his bonus from work. Boy that was a downfall and not expected. His area of the bank had been doing better this year then last and last year they had said the bonus was "small" so this year we were expecting at least the same size bonus or even more. It was more like 1/4 or less of last year's bonus. Ughh :P I stressed out and began worrying about the money again and thinking of how now something would need to go on the credit card. I drove home from work and was teary and frustrated. Jeff came home just after I did and I was done being emotional as I didn't want to pass on stress or have him feel bad. We had received some Valentine cards from our parents and my parents had sent two cards. I had a feeling they had sent us some more money to add to the "baby fund" and I opened the cards. I read the card and turned over the check and the first words out of my mouth was "holy sh**". They had sent us quite a bit of money...more then I would've ever expected. But it was nearly exactly the amount we needed.  Jeff and I both were very surprised and we didn't really want to take it.  But I felt like this was someone watching out for us and however it worked knowing that we were a little short on funds now and providing. Parents have great intuition, maybe a little bit of a higher power or maybe a little fate. All I can say is we both felt gratitude beyond words.

I have felt a little more guilty about not sharing our timeline with our parents. We have not said anything to anyone (with the exception of me talking to my friend that has gone through IVF a number of times). Jeff's parents haven't asked about our plans for a family or had any inkling of things. My parents have only asked vaguely if we planned to do anything this year and I told them we weren't really sure. I feel bad for not sharing with them and some days I want so badly to tell them. But most days I feel better about keeping things close to the vest with Jeff and I. I don't want anyone worrying or waiting but us. Most of all...I would love to surprise them all. I know or at least really hope that no one has hurt feelings over this.

Grandkids...granddogs??

I hope I don't ever offend anyone with this post. I am really blessed with great in-laws and I count myself lucky that I enjoy them since my own parents aren't close by (to enjoy as much as I would like) right now. When we first got Thor and brought him to Draper sunday dinners at Jeff's parents' house it was more like he was fun and a dog...something for the kids to play with and enjoy. We still mainly bring him so that the kids can play with him (and so he doesn't leave his "leavings" at home in the house). But lately Thor has been treated and (sometimes almost referred to) as a granddog. It's cute and I'll never complain that both my parents and Jeff's recognize Thor as part of our family because he is. And where I notice it the most (at Jeff's parents) I realize it's probably in an effort to make us feel comfortable with the kid situation and possibly even some longing for a grand child being projected on our dog. Sometimes I just enjoy it and find it humorous and other times it kind of makes me sad. I don't really know how to explain it. Makes me feel kind of like he's our "kid" because we can't have kids or something or like I'm disappointing myself and others with this. Most of the time I admit that it does make me feel more included and "taken care of" though so that is always nice.

Maybe Thor will find some down time again soon though. Becky, Jeff's sister, announced over the weekend that she was pregnant. They have three kids right now and Becky swore up and down that they didn't want anymore. But low and behold they got pregnant by "surprise" still. There is something about "surprise" pregnancies that just gets under your skin when you can't even get an "on purpose" pregnancy. How can it be so easy and even unplanned for some and others try for years without any success. I guess I shouldn't complain as Jeff and I were both "surprise" babies too...we wouldn't be alive or together if it wasn't for things like that but it still just stings a little. We are really happy and excited for Becky and Brian though and hope that it all goes well. Hope too that someday we'll be in those shoes.