Missing Memories and Moving...

I've been revisiting this blog and the updates and pictures.  It makes me sad that I have missed putting on paper the past couple of years.  So much has happened and also just missing writing about memories with my kiddos.  Nolan is three now and such a smart and sometimes sassy thing.  Kendall and Seren are seven.  Seven!! Wow!  They are in first grade now and doing so great at school.  The three of them usually get along like peas in a pod.  Okay yes they fight a fair amount too but generally they look out for each other.  I love watching them grow and I love watching them love on one another.  We are so truly blessed to have such a wonderful little family. 

That being said I still want to blog.  I have decided to move where my main blogging happens however and to leave my donor egg thoughts and blogging on this blog.  They seem to be fewer and further between and much less about my kiddos.  So this blog won't completely disappear and I will be leaving it up.  My hope would be that maybe it will be helpful for others who find themselves in shoes similar to mine.  POF can be very lonely and no one should have to feel so alone.  I am grateful for social media and blogging.  It has been the only way I have connected with other women dealing with POF and donor egg.  If you need to connect with someone I hope you'll find me.

In the meantime though I'm hoping to start a more family centered and fun memory keeping blog.  If you feel like following me further you can find it here.  There isn't much to see yet...literally decided on and found a name for it yesterday. 

Pass the Patient (aka Hot Potato or Doctor Shopping)

Dr L gave up on me around May 2016.  Okay maybe not gave up.  She's still my ob/gyn (do I still bother adding the ob part??).  Anyway after some further testing on my TSH not coming back in easy range she decided that she's probably not the best person to be covering my medical needs.  She asked me to research endocrinologists and try to get an appointment.  She said she would do a referral for anyone that I could find accepting patients.  So begrudgingly I went off looking for ANOTHER new doctor.  I am really sick of finding new doctors.  I've given up at this point on finding one who actually knows anything about treating POF or anyone who thinks I deserve treatment beyond HRT and thyroid meds. 

I researched Dr ratings and found a local endo who has decent ratings and reviews stating he actually listens to them and not just test results.  Dr Al-Reyes (I'll call him Dr Al).  I request an appointment and explain my medical needs to the receptionist.  They ask for Dr L to refer me and I call her office and get that ball rolling.  I then wait 2-3 months (I don't remember). 

I went to see Dr Al in December 2016 (I think).  Another Dr under my belt.  Yay!  I'm so proud.  He's okay.  Nothing great.  He listened to me explain my situation and I'm focused on POF and forget to mention that I was diagnosed with Graves and my thyroid was radiated.  Really?  I can't even keep my own medical history straight.  He tries to explain POF to me...OH MY HELL!! Really?  Yep got it and yep I know why things aren't working.  10 years Dr Al!! 10 years...I think I know enough to understand the basics.  MORON!  Anyway he does some blood work and adjusts my thyroid medicine.  Highest dose I've had since I don't know when...I feel good on that so I let the POF treatment slide for the first appointment.  I do get blood work to verify Nuvaring is giving me enough hormones. 

In between appointments, I decide maybe if my thyroid level feels normal maybe I will.  Sex drive is still in the crapper.  Maybe it's 10 years of marriage.  I don't know what's normal.  My pubic hair has pretty much thinned to nothing (yep I went there).  This makes me think that my hormone levels are too low for someone my age.  I should think my appearance would be more normal for a 37 year old if I was getting the hormones I'm supposed to.  Maybe my body has just hit the 10 year post diagnosis mark and decided to go downhill. 

So I am still seeing Dr Al.  He seems to get the thyroid stuff.  He thinks I have poly-glandular syndrome (multiple endocrine systems affecting each other or shutting down; autoimmune).  I still think he's pulling at straws as when I read about poly glandular syndrome it generally doesn't mention secondary POF although primary hypogonadism is possible.  Also the thyroid and ovaries aren't usually affected together from what I can tell.  I don't know.  Guess I'll have to ask God someday what the crap happened because it doesn't appear that any doctor or man on earth has a freaking clue. 

Still An Anomaly...

*a year or two old post...sitting in draft*

I really hate finding doctors.  I hate going over my medical history again.  I hate doctors that treat me like I've never researched my condition; a condition I've now had nearly 10 years.  That being said I still like my new doctor.  She did research on her own before my appointment, she listened to my concerns, she consulted with another doctor about her recommendations and she read up on one of my questions and called me later in the day after my appointment.  I guess it still just stinks and is depressing to hear you don't fit the mold of a normal functioning young woman.  I mean I am still relatively young.  Damn I feel old sometimes when I go to the doctor though.

Dr L who I'm assuming has at least a few years on me hasn't hit menopause yet and mentions to me (the one who did unwillingly years before) that she dreads it.  Gee thanks doc.  I wanted different hormones with a mix of testosterone to help with my libido.  She explains that testosterone isn't recommended for menopausal women, except in premature ovarian failure cases.  So I get a pass on the whole FDA suggestion due to my age and desire for a more normal life...swell.  Then Dr L says something along the lines of I'm going to consult with someone (ie your case is unique and I haven't actually encountered it before).  She returns and after saying she and another doctor compared notes and read something together it's decided the best route.  Before the appointment ends she reassures me that this is a perfectly good route to go.  "I have many patients who take this and a few who refuse to stop taking it even though it's not recommended for their age.  I've just never prescribed it to someone as young as you are."  Once again making me feel like a medical guinea pig for her.  I hate that.