Myth Busted: It's no different then saving for...

After I was officially diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure/Insufficiency (POF/POI) a little over a month after being married, the hubs and I began saving for what we felt was inevitable...the cost of DE IVF or adoption.   At the time we weren't 100% sure which route we would take but we knew neither one were going to be cheap.  We still "tried" even though so early in marriage neither of us really wanted to have a baby but we knew it would be a literal miracle if it happened so it wasn't so worrisome.

A little over a year of saving (including contributing my 401Ks to the pot, my annual leave pay out from my CPS job I quit, some of the money from hubby's condo he sold so we could make a down payment on our house, donations from my parents, etc etc) I was talking to my good friend about the cost of infertility treatment (over instant message...thank goodness).  She asked how much it would be and when I told her she said how it would be worth it.  Yes of course it would I agreed (if it worked).  She then compared it to saving and spending money on her house remodel.  She said they had put in $10,000 so far on carpet, siding and various projects.  I laughed to myself...uhhhhhh not at all the same (considering that was half of what we expected to spend).  Instead I told her "Yah except when you pay Lowe's you are 100% guaranteed to get what you paid for".  I couldn't believe what came out of her next "Not really."  What?  Was she seriously arguing that a retailer would give you the same "chance" of not providing what you paid for that ART treatments come with?  Yep she was.  I again said I didn't think a retailer would stay in business if that were true.  She again argued that "it could happen".  HA!! Oh I wanted to smack her.  When it become pretty obvious that she was serious and didn't see how these two grand expenditures were not at all alike I became more upset.  I had to shut down the messenger and walk away before I said something I knew I'd probably regret.  I felt she was not being supportive and trying to minimize my worry.  I didn't expect her to pity me or commend me but I didn't expect her to trivialize something that came with a 40% failure rate.  

Saving for ART treatment (for me...for us) was like putting away money that we would rather have used for other things...like house remodeling, down payments, vacations and a dozen other things.  Things that in my opinion are 100% guaranteed.  It was like putting all our eggs in one basket.  A basket with a decent sized hole in the bottom that everything could fall through.  It was saving for a dream.  Yes we realized it was all worth it...even if it failed at least we had tried.  Yes we realized the risk when we went into saving.  But I think we also both knew that if we left things to chance or out of our control that they would always be that way.  So there was no comparison and no similar thing most people could compare it too.  I imagine now that there are worse things to throw your money at...gambling, lottery tickets, etc.  You know...things with an even lower chance of "winning".  We threw in our ticket though and now with two beautiful girls in our lives...we have won the ultimate lottery.

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This post is in response to National Infertility Awareness Week.  Resolve has challenged bloggers to Bust a Myth regarding infertility.  I am making it my goal to Bust a Myth every day this week and bring awareness of infertility's challenges to those around me.  

Feeling Good

I've noticed with POI that I seem to have gained more weight in my middle. I've heard this is a common complaint too with POF/POI women. I think it stinks...as you can't get pregnant but you get a spare tire or other weight gaining which then leads some people to think you might be and the real morons (yes clerk at Walmart I'm thinking of you...despite it being like a year ago you bug me) to actually ask if you are. Anyway I have been trying to watch what I eat (something I've never really worried about before) and I feel like it's helping. Okay so no huge improvements but just feeling better about it. I need more dedication to get exercising too as I know that would help. That will be my next goal. Yeah me!

I am back in school (maybe I never mentioned it on this blog) but I quit my social work job due to major stress and emotional mess I became. I went back to retail part-time for work (don't get me started on how the difference in pay really sucks) and back to school. I really enjoy my classes and I love learning but I also don't like putting money into something (no matter the hopefully short term of it) when I would really rather put it into savings. Some is going to a student loan though and I will try to balance out the rest. At least we haven't used any savings so that is good. I don't know just having a feeling good about things day and it's always good to share those days.

Keep On Keeping On

Well...things have calmed down since the last post. We're still not impressed with the experience at UCRM clinic but they have come back from it with a positive light. Dr. G and even the specialist, Nurse G, have both made apologies and efforts to correct things. I feel better about them and just wish that "appointment" had never happened (even though it never did haha). I look forward to a second chance and hopefully it won't be too awkward.

We are doing okay on savings still, even though I am not employed right now. My annual vacation pay went into savings and now we are sitting a little more then half-way to the goal of $20K. Gosh it still astonishes me how much this is going to cost. Sometimes I think of the money and that it's just a chance not even a guarantee. But most of the time I don't really consider how much money it is so much as how it would be to have it work. I am trying not to be jaded on the fact it is so much easier for so many people. I am trying to focus more on the fact that this will be a unique experience that not many people are given and that when we get to have a child from this that there will never be any doubt that we wanted and worked to have it happen.

Worries...

I am just feeling worried about things right now. I'm worried about my job...or lack thereof. I know that quitting DCFS was the right thing to do but I'm stressed that I don't have a concrete plan of attack now. I'm worried about money...money to get by, money to save and money that is in savings and if it will be able to stay there. I realize I'm just getting discouraged and I know it'll be okay and better in the long run.

We also have an appointment with the egg donor specialist on Monday. We aren't planning to pursue anything anytime soon but we want to get a better idea of what we are getting into. I'm not sure how I will take the appointment. I don't think I've had a doctor's appointment regarding POF that I haven't cried at. I want to know what to expect and I want to be excited about all of these things but I'm just really nervous too.

Officially infertile

So by medical definition you aren't considered infertile until you haven't gotten pregnant after a year without protection or birth control. We've officially hit that mark now. It was about this time last year that we met up with the reproductive endocrinologist (RE) and I refused to stay on birth control. Dr. Gibson wanted me to just stay on birth control as a form of hormone replacement and, in my opinion, so I didn't hang onto the slim chance of hope I had at the time. It took some arguing and explaining how I felt to convince him but here I am today with no such luck anyway. But despite not being one of the 5-8% with POF who get pregnant (yet) without assistance I am glad that I didn't shut the door on that chance because I would feel worse knowing I might have prevented that chance. I don't see it happening anymore so much...don't really worry about it and don't take pregnancy tests when things don't happen with HRT the way they are supposed to.

We're about 1/2 way to our goal of savings though so that is good. I still wonder and worry if it will actually work. Honestly it will work, something will work, eventually...we just don't know when. I still don't even know that I want to have kids really...I mean at least right now...so that's a good thing too I suppose. I was watching Maury today (haha yah I know) and it was one of those lame episodes of testing to see who the father is. I had this weird thought that even if I get pregnant with a donor egg and have a baby that Maury could run one of these tests and I wouldn't come up as the mother. I mean I know that doesn't matter and I know it will be my baby just the same but it was just a weird thought. I guess when we have the funds then we can start looking forward to having kids and we can work out all of the little details.