Picture time...

Just some random pictures as of late...

*dust ruffle for the crib...finally one down

*but still another one to go

*always said no matchy matchy outfits but these dresses were too cute to pass up

*also said no pink (or at least not a lot)...man it's impossible to find cute girly stuff not in pink...I'm breaking down :( hehe

* my favorite batch of onesies (no pink)...and I love the daddy's girl one...Jeff asked "where's the other one...we can't have just one be the daddy's girl" haha he's too cute

24 weeks 1 day

How far along? 24 weeks 1 day

Maternity clothes? only wearing maternity pants now but still some regular shirts and old my empire waisted stuff works. I would say I'm showing now though (pictures later).

Symptoms: Feeling good. No more dizzy spells. I'm getting more tired though. I was taking extra iron which seemed to help so I think I will start doing those again.

Stretch marks? nope not that I can tell yet...hoping to keep them at bay still.

Weight Gain: ummmmm... around 10 lbs is all still I think. But my ob/gyn hasn't said anything about it not being enough so we'll see at the next visit.

Sleep? sleeping okay but starting to get uncomfortable turning side to side.

Best moment this week? *see story below*

Movement? Jeff has felt the girls move once or twice now. And today I was able to see one moving on my stomach...it was crazy to see my belly popping up and down ever so slightly. Jeff came home from work and I told him. So after dinner I could feel the girls moving around and we sat on the couch to see if we could see them. Jeff started talking to my belly and almost immediately you could see movement near my belly button. Then it was like they were hyper cause they were moving more then I saw them previously. It was really cool.

Food Cravings? nothing really. I like ice cream. Also homemade taco salad sounded really good today so going to make that for dinner tomorrow.

Gender? two little girls...becoming more okay with some pink clothes and cute stuff.

What I miss? Nothing compared to where I am.

What I'm looking forward to? Working on the nursery and oh heavens let me finish the crib bedding too.

Milestones: actually seeing the kiddos move on my stomach...have to say that's been the coolest thing thus far.

Emotions: pretty even keel but I'm sure I get cranky when it's time for bed...sleeping is wonderful.

Injustice to Infertility

Am I doing an injustice to infertility by keeping things a secret and fibbing to people? I'm not talking about strangers who don't need the low down. And I'm still not talking about telling everyone the donor egg aspect. Still feel that isn't ours to share. I have just felt lately that by not telling people the truth or half-truth when they ask if twins were a surprise or such (I haven't had anyone actually ask if we had assistance) that I'm doing a disservice to infertility.

After all there is nothing wrong or unusual about people having assistance to have kids these days. It's totally normal. And I'm sure with twins it's almost even more expected for the norm. And I feel like by starting the girls' lives and this pregnancy with hiding this that it's like telling them it's not okay or normal. That it makes it seem like I'm embarrassed by how we got to this point or that possibly in the long-term they would feel embarrassed by it also. I don't think there's any reason for that. I want them to know their story and be proud of it and not feel like it's a dirty secret or something.

So from now on I think when people ask if the twins were a surprise that I will just say something like "not exactly...we had a little help" or something. That doesn't imply what type or more information then is needed but also doesn't give the impression that getting pregnant is easy for everyone. In some ways I want people to know how much we wanted these babies too...for the girls to know how much we wanted them. I hope that makes sense.

POI still present and accounted for...

I have been working at a local hospital in the medical records department for a few months now. I am also going to school in Health Information Management. Currently in my last semester...yeah! and woot woot!! I enjoy it and hope that it will allow me some options to work from home (billing/coding is usually done this way).

Anyway I've recently been put in charge to do a lot of loose filing. Some of this includes radiology sheets and reports. Some of these also include women who have had ultrasounds done on their female parts for various reasons. They measure the ovary size (for cysts and what not) and lining. I've just been comparing these measurements to my own...the one's I had done at the NIH the summer of 2008. One of my ovaries I seem to remember was about 1 cc (very small) and the other they couldn't even find. I see these reports and notice these "normal" women (some much older then me) who have ovaries that are 3 or 4 times the size of my own. And for the silliest reason sometimes I feel jealous of them. Jealous that they have functioning ovaries and don't have things to worry about that I worry about. I worry about osteoporosis and I worry about the ability to breastfeed when the babies are born and I worry about my long-term health. I hope it all turns out and I do feel like it will. But you just worry anyway I guess.

POF/POI just seems to come with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) in some ways. Like I still find myself immediately get emotional and tearful when I think of the day I received my diagnosis. When I think of how I can't do things that most women my age can do (ie get pregnant without footing a bill). When I consider that this may be the only kids Jeff and I ever have (maybe that'll be by choice anyway...who knows) but just to think that the ability to do things on our own isn't there. We are incredibly blessed to have so many frosties left if we were to decide to pursue using them but there's no guarantee it would work again (especially with frozen rates).

I never expected to stop thinking about my POI completely but I didn't think I would worry about it for a while after we had DE IVF success under our belt and sweet babies to care for. I guess maybe it's just hormones and normal worry. Or I guess you just never get past it 100%. I sure have a lot of great things to look forward too though and I'm so excited for that. I'm so grateful to be here. I'm so grateful and happy for these beautiful baby girls and so excited to be parents to them. It'll definitely be an adventure.

Does Thor have a clue?

Our little dog, Thor, is a good pup. He loves Jeff to death and generally puts up with me and loves on me when Jeff is busy with other things. I've noticed though that since we've been further along in this pregnancy that Thor has taken somewhat more of a liking to me. He cuddles up in my lap more, hops up in bed with me when I go to bed early and seems to just like attention from me.

The other night when I was jiggling my belly to see if the girls would move I noticed that Thor didn't seem to like it. Then today when Jeff and I were sitting down together on the couch I did it again to see if they would move and Thor got mad. He started barking at me and play biting at my hands. I laughed and pushed him away a little but he was right back defending. I don't know if he thought I was hurting myself (he doesn't like it when Jeff and I play fight either and will "protect" us from one another) or if he actually has a clue that there are little ones growing in there and didn't want me to hurt them. It was interesting anyway and made me wonder a little. I hope he adjusts okay when they are born. We've read and heard things about pets having a hard time with it and want to keep him happy still.

22 weeks

How far along? 22 weeks 1 day

Maternity clothes? wearing maternity pants and mostly normal shirts. Still don't know if a stranger would even think I'm pregnant or just have a belly hehe

Symptoms: Feeling mostly good. I've had a few dizzy spells this week that have made me feel like I'm going to pass out. It seemed to go away with drinking a bunch of water so I think I just need to keep hydrated.

Stretch marks? nope...I've used the stretch mark cream once but don't see any stretch marks showing up.

Weight Gain: still only about 10 lbs I think but I'm okay with that since I was worried about not gaining before. Besides I have a few months to go still.

Sleep? I've been sleeping better.

Best moment this week? I think I finally have all the fabric I need for crib bedding :) Yeah! I also bought two $16 patterns at the fabric store for $2 a piece (heck yeah!) Can't wait to get working on it now.

Movement? I can definitely feel that they are getting stronger in movements. I still mostly notice the baby girl on my left side. I was trying to get Jeff to feel the movement last night but every time he tried to she stopped moving. I jiggled my stomach a little and felt a swift little kick/punch back (first time I'd ever say I felt it outside my body) but once again when Jeff tried they were still. I'm sure he'll be feeling them sometime this week.

Food Cravings? Nothing special or especially sounding good. I need to go grocery shopping and get more fruit and veggies again...I haven't eaten too good this week.

Gender? two little girls...becoming more okay with some pink clothes and cute stuff.

What I miss? Nothing compared to where I am.

What I'm looking forward to? Jeff feeling the babies move. Seeing the babies today at the appointment. Getting the nursery stuff rolling.

Milestones: Feeling movement on my stomach.

Emotions: I'm generally good. I haven't been moody in my opinion but who knows.

*pictures to come later today/tomorrow* ... well maybe there won't be any pictures. The new ob/gyn has not given us print outs of our ultrasounds. We get it all on video which is cool but I'm missing the pictures. It's harder to see the girls now with them getting bigger but pictures would be nice. I'll have to see about sharing some video instead if possible.

21 weeks

How far along? 20 weeks 6 days (21 weeks...do you know how hard it is for me to write on the exact day of hehe)

Maternity clothes? I pretty much have given up on my regular pants now...some dress and levis still fit but the maternity feel so much better. I usually wear my regular tops...I haven't found many maternity shirt that I like and work with my busty figure. I finally got the maternity bras...two fit relatively well (hell good enough for me) and two were too small. So I will be sending back the four I have that don't fit to exchange or just return...I haven't decided. So nice to be out of the uni-boob maker though.

Symptoms: I still feel good. I've had more stretching and heavy type feelings but nothing bad. I still have the hiccups but not nearly as much. I feel like I look tired though...maybe I should start wearing some makeup more often.

Stretch marks? nope...still feel like I'm barely showing for twins at 21 weeks. But I'm okay with that...height is a bonus and hoping it helps reduce the stretch mark risk.

Weight Gain: I'm finally gaining some weight :) Yeah! I lost like 5 lbs right off the bat and couldn't gain more then a few up which would fluctuate off too. Then I hit 19 or 20 weeks and finally put on some weight that is sticking. I think I've gained around 10 lbs now from starting weight. I'll have to keep better track now.

Sleep? I generally sleep good still. My issue this week has been our dog (Thor)...he has woken us up to go out more it seems and also tries to get in our at like 3 am which isn't allowed (only like the last 1/2 hour we sleep is he allowed to jump in.

Best moment this week? I guess the coworkers at my HIM job being told about the news (yah I've put it off this long). They have been cute and excited for me. Actually feel like I'm starting to look pregnant.

Movement? They feel like butterflies. Usually my left side more noticeable but some faint stuff on the right too (so hopefully both of the girls). Sometimes I think I feel more determined movement but nothing really for sure yet. Jeff tries to feel them but not yet.

Food Cravings? Just the same ole food I like normally. I really like orange juice this week.

Gender? two little ladies (or nerdy girls if Jeff gets his way...he wants to "nerd" them up so they don't date or get into trouble early on).

What I miss? Nothing compared to where I am. And nothing much has changed drastically so that helps.

What I'm looking forward to? Being able to feel the babies more and having Jeff be able to feel them too. Next appointment on Sept 10th.

Milestones: Bought material to make crib bedding. Oh boy! What project have I gotten myself into.

Emotions: I probably get more irritated and emotional lately but I haven't noticed it a lot yet.

* Heart pose : being or at least feeling like a dork *

* side view...starting to show *

* material for crib bedding... a work in progress *

* Jeff's favorite new baby thing...baby dinosaurs for the girls *

* random baby items... One More Giraffe book (DE IVF book for kids), two other baby books and some other stuff *