Myth Busted: It's no different then saving for...

After I was officially diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure/Insufficiency (POF/POI) a little over a month after being married, the hubs and I began saving for what we felt was inevitable...the cost of DE IVF or adoption.   At the time we weren't 100% sure which route we would take but we knew neither one were going to be cheap.  We still "tried" even though so early in marriage neither of us really wanted to have a baby but we knew it would be a literal miracle if it happened so it wasn't so worrisome.

A little over a year of saving (including contributing my 401Ks to the pot, my annual leave pay out from my CPS job I quit, some of the money from hubby's condo he sold so we could make a down payment on our house, donations from my parents, etc etc) I was talking to my good friend about the cost of infertility treatment (over instant message...thank goodness).  She asked how much it would be and when I told her she said how it would be worth it.  Yes of course it would I agreed (if it worked).  She then compared it to saving and spending money on her house remodel.  She said they had put in $10,000 so far on carpet, siding and various projects.  I laughed to myself...uhhhhhh not at all the same (considering that was half of what we expected to spend).  Instead I told her "Yah except when you pay Lowe's you are 100% guaranteed to get what you paid for".  I couldn't believe what came out of her next "Not really."  What?  Was she seriously arguing that a retailer would give you the same "chance" of not providing what you paid for that ART treatments come with?  Yep she was.  I again said I didn't think a retailer would stay in business if that were true.  She again argued that "it could happen".  HA!! Oh I wanted to smack her.  When it become pretty obvious that she was serious and didn't see how these two grand expenditures were not at all alike I became more upset.  I had to shut down the messenger and walk away before I said something I knew I'd probably regret.  I felt she was not being supportive and trying to minimize my worry.  I didn't expect her to pity me or commend me but I didn't expect her to trivialize something that came with a 40% failure rate.  

Saving for ART treatment (for me...for us) was like putting away money that we would rather have used for other things...like house remodeling, down payments, vacations and a dozen other things.  Things that in my opinion are 100% guaranteed.  It was like putting all our eggs in one basket.  A basket with a decent sized hole in the bottom that everything could fall through.  It was saving for a dream.  Yes we realized it was all worth it...even if it failed at least we had tried.  Yes we realized the risk when we went into saving.  But I think we also both knew that if we left things to chance or out of our control that they would always be that way.  So there was no comparison and no similar thing most people could compare it too.  I imagine now that there are worse things to throw your money at...gambling, lottery tickets, etc.  You know...things with an even lower chance of "winning".  We threw in our ticket though and now with two beautiful girls in our lives...we have won the ultimate lottery.

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This post is in response to National Infertility Awareness Week.  Resolve has challenged bloggers to Bust a Myth regarding infertility.  I am making it my goal to Bust a Myth every day this week and bring awareness of infertility's challenges to those around me.  

Success rates and dogs

I have been keeping tabs on the SART website for recent success rates of ART. They usually post the previous recordable year around this time of year (2008; due to awaiting "results" of pregnancies from treatment). So I was hoping to see a steady number and pattern develop with UCRM. Instead the rate of success dropped. They went from 76% in 2007 to 56% in 2008 (for donor egg IVF). So on one hand it is a 20% drop and on the other it is still 10% higher chance than regular IVF. But it kind of spooked me on the idea for a few days. I felt like we had an almost equal chance of bringing home a dog then we did a baby. In honor of that here are the top 3 dogs we consider getting if it doesn't work (keeping myself balanced here):

1. Doberman Pincer (dominant but loyal dog...but usually better to train from a puppy age to be a family dog)

2. Weimaraner (loyal, affectionate, eager to please and beautiful eyes...Jeff thinks they look too human)

3. Beagle (medium size, cute, even tempered...Jeff says they are on the bottom of the list for smart dogs and I say at least that way Thor can outsmart it)

**although on a positive note I did some narrowing down based on diagnosis. POI/Diminished Ovarian Reserve seems to have a slightly higher success rate (64% for 2008) and overall highs of 87% in 2007 and averaging around 66% when you take out the really high in 2007 and really low in 2004 (2nd year recorded...none the 1st year). So we're still hoping with Jeff's stellar sperm and my "perfect" parts sans my ovaries that we might get lucky very soon. Two months and counting...Eeegads that is soon! Please God let it be.

Vitamins and Hope

So I bought some prenatal vitamins at the store yesterday. Does this mean I'm allowing myself to be hopeful? UCRM didn't officially say anything about taking prenatals prior to a cycle (at least not yet) but I figure it can't hurt. I compared them to my daily vitamins (the ones I try to take but mostly fail to...they're expired now). There is some variation between the two but mostly the same. I figure I can start taking prenatals in February since I've read that you should start taking them before you try to get pregnant (maybe that's just a marketing ploy but who cares). Let's face it. I am hopeful. I feel like I'm getting my hopes up and I really really hope they aren't brought back down. I do still remind myself every time I think of being pregnant that it might not work. But my gut still keeps saying "oh come on Michelle...70-75% chance of it working and hopefully even better odds since you have no uterine/cervical problems". Please just let this work...please don't make me go back to the way I felt right after I was diagnosed. Hopeless, rejected and depressed. I didn't like that and I'd prefer to remain hopeful until told otherwise.