9 months

Height/Weight:  Kendall:  28.62 inches (84%) and 16 lb 14 oz (17%)  Seren:  27.95" (64%) and 17 lb 4.5 oz (22%) so they are long and skinny;  and yes I heard about it from my friend that her daughter (who is two months younger) is now officially heavier and longer than my girls.  What is up with parents comparing and competing with this? (soooooo annoying)

Eating:  6-7 oz of formula typically and then 3-4 oz of solids.

Foods They Like:  Anything they can feed themselves (toast, cereal, bananas, etc; cheese was ok).  Beans, ham, yams, fruit and squash.

Foods They Don't:  Kendall doesn't like tart (peaches, apricots, etc). Seren eats anything I throw at her. 

Favorite Things:  They still love each other (more and more).  They crawl right up to each other and gab or sometimes just stare at the other.  Kendall loves to "chase" Thor (our little dog) around the front room and giggles every time she catches him.  Seren loves to be held but is enjoying her new found freedom in crawling now also.  They both like being held upside down by the thighs while being swung and tickled on the stomach.  They laugh so hard.  Seren loves it when dad comes home (for lunch and at the end of the day)...she gets a big smile on her face and wiggles around like crazy.

Dislikes:  Being hungry and tired.  Poor constipation issues still (going back to prunes instead of prune juice).

Their Accomplishments:  They sit very well on their own.  They can eat finger food with precision now.  They are both able to fully crawl and are gaining speed...oh boy.  They both babble a fair amount (Seren more so).  Still no teeth quite yet but I can feel some under the surface in Kendall's mouth and see an outline in Seren's.  I love their toothless grins and I'm afraid I'm really going to miss them.

Our Accomplishments:  We have them on a good schedule for eating, napping and sleeping.  We take them out when we want to (their being able to sit in high chairs makes this so much easier).  Jeff works full-time days, I work part-time swing shift now and we balance out the girls between us still.  Very blessed to have the ability to work with/around the girls instead of the girls around our work.  

Sleep: Still sticking to our routine and loving it.  They sleep 11-12 hour nights.  Lately they have been waking up around 12 am or 1 am to cry and we typically feed them and they go right back down (growth spurt maybe?).

Looking forward to:  Looking forward to more mobility but also scared of two toddlers running around.  Still looking forward to more freedom with food.  I suppose that means them getting teeth which I don't actually look forward to.  Planning their 1st birthday...with their birthday 3 days after Christmas it's now or never.

DE Mom musings:  Besides the inferiority questioning post I haven't really thought about it.  I rarely remember how much work and intervention was required for us to have them now (if that makes sense...I know how can you possibly forget that right?)

 9 months old

 Kendall

Seren (too much edit but it was washed out before)

The Ins and Outs

37 weeks and 5 days old.  They have been out in the world for as long as they were in now.  It is crazy to believe that the same time that we have been enjoying them is the same amount of time the pregnancy lasted.  The time with them here seems to be so much shorter (and longer some days but mostly shorter).  I'm so grateful that they are here and were brought here safely by such good doctors and care.

We look forward to each milestone and enjoy each day with them.  People always ask how it is with twins and honestly the first couple months or so were rough and I questioned our sanity a little at thinking we could handle it (and putting back two embryos when our doctor recommended only one).  But once we started getting some sleep again things couldn't be better.  It is such a fun experience to watch them grow and develop together.  To see them interact more and more everyday.  I look forward to that for the future and I hope that they are good friends with each other as well as sisters.

I can't believe that it is only a few months from now that they will be a year old.  I have been a little nutty with that and actually have been planning for a little 1 year old celebration (I'm sure many moms do this).  I have ideas for cakes/cupcakes, colors, decor, presents and a video in the process of making.  Sometimes I think I am trying to juggle too many balls with the various projects I have in my head.  But I suppose as long as the projects still make me happy instead of stressed then it is all good.

So in love with our little girls and so excited for the future with them.

Round Three

Round Three started a week after round one.  Last Tuesday we were taking Kendall in for a 104* fever and this past Tuesday we took her in again for 103.5*...she doesn't know how to go "half-way" it is all or nothing (as our pediatrician joked).  Luckily this time the fever was pinpointed to a very red and sore throat but likely a virus so nothing to do about it again.  Of course then we went home and the next morning a few small bumps on her bum had gotten worse (I didn't think much of them at the time) and the next day were spreading and growing.  So again I took Kendall in to the clinic worried it might keep spreading or not heal without some help.  Turns out this is also virus related (some sort of syndrome that is triggered by a virus in some children on occasion) and will likely go away in 7-10 days but could be a few weeks (yah I loved the range on that).  And in an ironic twist of fate we found out we weren't covered by insurance for the first two visits (oh well what are you gonna do anyway let your child's brain fry...I think not).

So our poor little leper Kendall continues to develop spots and little pimple like sores on her legs, bum, hands and feet (luckily they have avoided her arms and face and this syndrome usually doesn't show up on the trunk).  I feel for her although she doesn't seem to be bothered by them and goes about her merry way exploring the house (supervised of course).  It's also not contagious so it's very unlikely Seren will join the ranks.  I hope it clears up soon but for now we shall call her Dotty and give her extra lovings.

Positive Spin

I have found myself complaining a lot lately or feeling bothered by things.  Petty things.  Stupid things.  I have everything I need in life and yet I get down on myself or things out of my control.  We had plans to travel next year...Disneyland with the girls and then France without them.  Both plans have been scrapped now in order to accommodate our new lifestyle (the getting by and hoping for better one).  And I've felt complaint over this.

Then as I talked to my good friend online yesterday I listened to/read her complaining about money.  The friend that has virtually free babysitters and both she and her husband work.  I kind of doubt they have real actual money problems (but I guess you never know).  But it made me think...if she can complain about it then there must not be a happy medium in the world for it.  She worries about affording an entire bathroom remodel and I consider a new bathroom mirror (which she told me was $40-60 at the cheapest) and decide that's definitely not in the budget.  Two different worlds of worry over money.

So I've made a decision to get rid of this attitude and live to realize "good enough" is damn near great (as a friend's blog puts it...okay I added the damn near great part).  But seriously I want for nothing.  I am lucky enough to be home with my girls and to watch them grow up.  I am blessed with a great man to share my life with and who sacrifices for us.  I am super lucky that I have my girls (no more complaining about POF or infertility here either; okay maybe a little complaint over hormone wackiness and "was that a hot flash I just had?" thoughts).  But to complain about my road with infertility implies unhappiness in how it turned out.  And I am most definitely beyond thrilled with how it turned out.

And as for money.  So far we've been really lucky there too.  We both have work unlike many Americans these days .  At just the point when my husband changed jobs, and before we realized how tight money might get, I was offered some on-call hours back with the hospital.  Work that works entirely with my schedule with the girls.  Talk about a God who knows how to provide for our little family at just the right time.  I don't know how long my job will last.  But for now it brings in a little extra money and I'm grateful for it.  I hope they keep me around and going until the end of the year but we'll see.  I have no room for complaint about money.  We are provided for.  That's all that matters.

So I am doing my best from here on out...in life and in blog world to not complain.  To realize my blessings.  And who knows maybe even help others to realize theirs too.  Here's to a new positive spin on life.

Round Two (and weekend well wishes)

Well if you ever wonder if what your child has is contagious simply wait a few days for the other child to catch it (or yourself).  I'm sure most parents, teachers and many others know this rule of thumb.  Seren is down with the crummies now and just wants to be held (she's in my lap as I type).  At least this time I know not to freak out or spend another $50+ on an after hours visit.  The benefits of twins I tell you.  The good part is that Kendall has become quite proficient at crawling on all fours the last day or so and is happily keeping herself busy in the pile of toys and pillows in the middle of the room.

The house that was clean from us showing it on Monday is now a disaster come Friday.  I misplaced my portable hard drive during the clean up and have since destroyed all the hard work in efforts to find all those irreplaceable memories and photos.  It is safe and sound now.  I've started new crafts and have a bunch of ideas floating in my head and fabric sitting in my new sewing area (complete with desk that was moved downstairs to prevent child safety accidents in the future;  can't complain about that).  Here is to a fabulous weekend and hoping that you are all enjoying it as well.

Fever Scare (aka Round One)

Well the night ended with Kendall having a 104* fever and a trip to the KidsCare (after hours clinic) by our house.  We were lucky and our pediatrician happened to be the one on-call.  Unfortunately nothing could be determined for reason of fever...no congestion, no ear infections, no rashes or smelly urine.  I gave her some infant ibuprofen as soon as I saw the spike in temperature.  That seemed to bring it down and by the time we were seen she was sitting at 99.5* or so.  But with no information on what is causing it...besides a possible flu bug our doctor has seen floating around and a possible viral infection (that should cause a rash and then send her on her way to getting better) we are at a loss.  We just keep an eye on her and keep giving her ibuprofen and if it keeps up for another 48 hours then we bring her back in.  Stink.  I hate worrying so much over her but what else is there to do at this point.

Update:  Kendall's fever has been consistently down since this morning.  I hope this means she's on the mend.  And I hope Seren doesn't follow suit.

Nap Time Goodness

The girls are down for a much needed nap.  I think God created babies that need a nice long nap so that moms like me don't pull their hair out.  Poor Miss Kendall has had a low grade fever the past two days.  She was able to be held whenever she wanted yesterday but today once DH went to work she was stuck with just little ole me and a sister who also wanted attention.  Luckily her fever seems to be going down and she seems in better spirits but the afternoon nap came just the same and both Kendall and Seren have crashed hard.

I love watching them sleep.  I love playing with them too but there is just that peaceful angelic feeling about watching a baby (or two) sleep.  Nothing is better than that in my book.  Well besides the laughter and the fact that Seren is starting to reach out whenever you pick her up to touch your face with both hands and Kendall crawls across the room to get to me now.  I love to watch them grow and develop right before my eyes.  I am such a lucky mom.  So very lucky.

I think often of my infertile friends and those who are in waiting and in mid-cycle and other sorts of circumstances.  I wish all of the best things to be happening for them soon.

Well I better get back to the chores while there is time to inflict damage on them and accomplish something.

Secretive Support? Can We Say Oxymoron?

What is supportive about being secretive?  Sure I guess it might get people talking or guessing or trying to figure out what the heck you are posting...but really??  Is it necessary.

I think we all have seen the beginning of heated debates over the facebook or twitter postings with shoe sizes, purses and now the "fake" pregnancy update.  I admit I played along last year with the color of my bra (at least it had something to do with my boobs) and even this year I played the shoe size one (although not getting any correlation).  But when I saw the "fake" pregnancy one circulating I thought that was taking it all a bit too far.  Apparently I wasn't alone with this one.  Many a post has now been created about how this is stupid and just plain hurtful to a lot of people.  After all...what single person wants to post this one, what infertile person wants to post this or read about it and what person who is going through infertility treatment, negative pregnancy tests or heaven forbid a miscarriage or stillbirth wants to see something taken so lightly.  If I were in the midst of infertility treatment or anything like that still it would make me want to curl up and have a good long cry for oh I don't know a week or so...as is I really just want to punch someone in the gut who came up with this idea.

And as one blogger posted...the really sad and sick thing about this one is that many cancer survivors, who do beat cancer, end up on the other side finding themselves infertile.  What idiot thought it was a good idea to "support" breast cancer by mocking some of the very people you want to be supportive of.  Seriously as someone who has "beat" infertility it just infuriates me that someone would use this tactic to "help" someone who may be facing a new battle after kicking cancer's fanny.

So how do we support?  The same way a lot of us have learned to with infertility.  We vocalize.  We speak out.  We don't hide behind little games that tell us that it's not okay to do so.  Cancer is somewhat taboo in our culture too.  We don't like to talk about it so much.  Not so much taboo as infertility probably but it has it's moments.  So instead of hiding behind the game...I challenge you all to post an actual supportive or informative post about breast cancer or any cancer.  "Make a monthly date with your breasts...they deserve it" or "Support The Boobies" or whatever tagline you like.  Share a story or connection you have with someone that has or had breast cancer.  Actually link to something informative or helpful.  Support the cause not the "secrecy".

Complex Inferiority?

Do you ever feel inferior?  Not even that.  Do you ever feel or think others see you as inferior?  That their children were created so easily or so "normally" or whatever it may be and your children were brought about by so much hard work and fought for with tears and shots, needles and (at least in our case) another woman's eggs.

I've never felt inferior myself.  I have never felt my children are or were.  Not in my eyes.  Not in the eyes of close family that know the details.  But sometimes I wonder just a little if behind closed doors if there is a twinge of people (okay let's face it mainly our close friends...the only people outside of family that know anything about the donor aspect; but also I've been more open about the infertility and IVF that even not so close friends know that part) and sometimes I wonder if these people are thinking "I'm glad he/she is 100% both of us" and "Isn't it awesome that we were able to create this life without all of that technology".  Like when my friend tells the story of her first ob/gyn prenatal appointment she never leaves out the part of the doctor saying "you guys did it all on your own" (a year of trying and then after a few months of Metformin they got lucky) as if it's a huge accomplishment.  Yeah!  Go you!  I'm glad that they didn't have to go through more.  But sometimes I feel cheapened (not exactly the right word but hopefully you get it) by the fact I couldn't do it on my own.  Probably not in a million years.  I'm definitely not hung up on that fact anymore but sometimes I wonder what people really think about infertility and ART treatment and procedures when I'm not there.

Do they feel like they are better than me?  Or their children are?  Do the fertile feel superior to the infertile friends they might have?  Are they simply grateful they weren't in those shoes or are they actually somewhat smug about it?  Or do they not even consider that my story or your story could have been theirs?  Maybe this is just my insecure side thinking and speaking.  I really don't think I'm inferior (if anything I feel a little above equal because we worked for it so hard) and I am beyond blessed to have what I have in my life...no matter what road it took to get us here.  But I sometimes wonder about this kind of thing.

POF pisses me off

Honestly I despise POF (premature ovarian failure; aka POI premature ovarian insufficiency).  I'm not sure if now after having kids if it pisses me off more on the infertility side or the "old lady" factor or the health conscious side or the "what if" side.

I don't even know if we will want to have another child from our totsicles in the future.  We are so incredibly blessed and happy with our two wonderful girls right now.  We'll always be happy with them but I still wonder if I'd like to give it another go around with a singleton and sibling for them.  I'm not so much worried about deciding or discussing.  It would be a while and the snow angels aren't going anywhere.  But some days it bothers me.  Like when friends who had kids just before I got pregnant are now announcing number 2 and I sit and wonder how that would be (to get pregnant on my own...not have #2 obviously hehe).

Sometimes it's simply what I call the "old lady" factor.  I feel old sometimes.  Past my prime.  When other women in my age bracket haven't even hit their prime.  I feel like I am worrying about things that women my age don't even consider (ie heart disease, osteoporosis, etc).  I wonder if I would have more energy or an easier time with my weight or even a better libido.  I worry if I will age faster or get wrinkles sooner or just basically look older than I am.

I have mentioned it before but I'm back working nights in the medical records temporarily as they prepare to move stuff off-site.  The other night I was sorting radiology files and again found myself comparing my ovary measurement (from 2007) with the women I saw there.  The young women were hitting multiple times my 1cc volume ovary measurement (some obviously with cystic issues in the opposite direction of the problem I have).  But then I beat out a 54 year old lady who had both ovaries measuring in under 1 cc.  Of course one of mine wasn't even visible for the ultrasound so there I go again a 54 year old technically functioning better then I was at 27 years old.  Heaven knows I've only declined even more since then.

I don't miss my genetic children.  I used to.  But there a no longer "what if" questions in the realm at all.  I really wouldn't trade my girls for the world when it comes to that.  It's just all the other darn stuff that POF comes with.  Why can't it just be one or the other instead of all of these other issues on top of infertility.  All I can say is grrrrrrrrrrr!