What's with all the excitement...

I don't know if it's just me or it just hasn't sunk in yet. I feel excited to myself and with Jeff sometimes but in general I'm not all that excited or eager to share our news. I still don't even really feel pregnant for the most part. I haven't been sick (thank goodness) and I haven't been really hungry or tired. Basically life hasn't really changed. Don't get me wrong I'm still known to frequent our online newspaper for baby stuff (primarily looking at cribs). But in general I keep it to myself.

Part of me thinks it is because we are having twins and I know that with twins there will be more questions and possible assumptions made. I'm not really sure how to answer questions. I'm fine with people knowing or thinking we had some help...but I don't know if I should be forthcoming with that or wait til they ask. I'm not fine with telling everyone the donor aspect. I don't really think that's my information to share and I think that the kiddos should know and understand this more before I share it. I guess I still just want time to adjust to it and think things through before I go spilling things.

I worry about hurting feelings too. I think that is the part of infertility and pregnancy that I didn't know would come together so much. I don't have a desire to blab on Facebook (maybe pictures when they are born) but no status updates or such. I don't really care to go around announcing it to all my friends. I really just want to tell family and close friends. And as for close friends I'm still nervous to tell one but know that I will need to soon before I start showing. I haven't even told my siblings. Man and here I thought I was going to be a bragger HAHA...shows you how much I knew.

I am excited and I'm very grateful and I do look forward to the rest of the pregnancy and parenthood. But right now I'm just enjoying having this be something that isn't wide spread news. We'll see how long that lasts.

Ode to a sandwich...

The only food I really want to eat is the food I'm not really supposed to eat. Sandwiches...deli meat...the good stuff. I know listeria has pretty low risk rates and some people don't really worry about it but after Dr. L specifically mentioned not having lunch meat I decided I better just keep away still.

But man how I would love a sandwich. I feel like Joey from FRIENDS where I love my sandwiches and food. I would love a Quiznos sub...turkey ranch and guacamole to be specific. I've thought of telling them to microwave the meat before making it...I've thought of bringing it home to do myself...but so far I still end up not having one. I'm sure I will find something to replace the craving with and everything else is good so that's good.

Update: 10 weeks 4 days

How far along? 10 weeks 4 days

Maternity clothes? I did buy a shirt at Ross that I thought was cute...it's dark purple. Oh and I bought a 4-pack of long sleeved onesies (to be decorated later when we know what we're having)

Symptoms: Still grateful to not have morning sickness. I do get tired quicker but not too bad. For the most part I feel completely normal with the exception of that bloated feeling.

Stretch marks? nope

Sleep? Still sleeping good and trying to soak this in while I can

Best moment this week? our first ob/gyn appointment and seeing the kiddos moving

Movement? Nothing I can feel of course but seeing it on screen was very neat.

Food Cravings? Nothing really...I still don't like the idea of eating even when I know I'm hungry so I usually find myself eating a peanut butter sandwich and big glass of milk. I do love milk a lot more right now. I try to munch on whatever sounds good at the time.

Gender? No idea

What I miss? sandwiches...I would love to have a Quiznos sub right now

What I'm looking forward to? seeing another u/s

Weekly Wisdom: Trust your husband when he says everything is fine.

Milestones: The babies are officially fetuses...I guess that's a milestone.

Emotions: I don't feel moody or crazy. I mostly get weepy over things still.

10 week ultrasound and last shot...

Jeff and I went to our first ob/gyn ultrasound and prenatal appointment yesterday. I was still nervous a little but once the nurse said they'd be doing an ultrasound I settled in. She also asked about medical history and periods and all that mumbo jumbo (she couldn't find my chart...prob cause it was under my maiden name there) and I told her about the IVF and my POF diagnosis. I figure I am being upfront with my medical professionals as I want these babies to get the best care and have all medical knowledge upfront for those needs.

Next we waited in the ultrasound room for Dr L. I unfortunately had the displeasure of wearing two giant napkins for clothes (makes me realize I really liked the actual cloth drapes that UCRM used). Dr L came in the room and was very pleasant. She told me congratulations and seemed to remember a little about my history (I was the second person she ever diagnosed with POF so it didn't surprise me). We told her we had done IVF and had a 6 week ultrasound for twins and she was very happy. She asked if we had been able to use any of my eggs and I told her no we had used a donor and she was all smiles and said "well that's okay they are still your babies". She was just very sweet. She asked about symptoms like nausea/vomiting and I told her I hadn't and asked about the stomach bug I had around 7 weeks and she wasn't concerned with it. She did an exam and some other tests and then did the ultrasound.

She skimmed over the first baby so quickly and settled on the other that to me seemed bigger that I got a little worried. But she said both babies looked good and did measurements on the one first before going back to the other. She pointed out the little flickering of heart beats and we were able to see each baby moving their little arms. I started tearing up and crying a little at that point. I don't know if it was relief to see they were okay or just excitement to see something that looked like a baby and it became more real. Jeff was very excited too and held my hand as I wiped away tears with the other. Dr L congratulated us again and was just genuinely so happy for us and asked how long it had been since we started our journey and was just about right on in her estimate. She said she was sorry that she wouldn't be here for their birth and I told her I was disappointed she was moving but grateful she hadn't yet.

After the ultrasound confirmed all was okay Dr L did mention to me that she was a little concerned that I didn't have morning sickness but that all was well so I should count myself lucky (oh and I do). She let me get dressed after that and then came back and brought some information for us and talked to us about the risks of twins and also prenatal care and weight gain (35-45 lbs for twins). I'm not looking forward to that but I have lost about 10 lbs so maybe it won't take that into account and I can consider it more like 25 lbs from where I was HAHA

This morning we did our last PIO shot. I can say that I won't miss those, although in honesty they weren't really bad they just got old day-after-day. I'm also discontinuing my estradiol pills at this point and will just be taking my vitamins (prenatal and prob start recommended iron and calcium supplements also) and my thyroid medicine. Yeah! I'm kind of normal now :)

Anyway we are so excited and feel so lucky. I can't say it enough that I hope this is motivational to anyone dealing with IF or POF or considering DE IVF. I hope it's not hurtful or anything like that. I also hope you humor me in posting pictures as this is also a blog for us to remember and to share with family.

Man, I am paranoid...

and I hope it's for nothing. Jeff and I began talking about the ob/gyn appointment last night (our schedules and whether they would do an ultrasound or not). I worry that they won't. I am still worried about the babies and wonder if my stomach bug did them any harm. I have talked to Jeff about it and the fact I worry that one or both won't have a heartbeat now. He thinks that I am paranoid and he is good natured about reminding me that I am getting pudgier (I don't really think so for twins) and that just because I'm not puking, exhausted or starving doesn't mean anything is wrong (giving me examples of my mom, who apparently wasn't sick with any of us, and my friend Brooke who was not sick with either of her sets of twins either).

But the paranoia must have rubbed off because I had at least a couple of dreams last night where we went to the ob/gyn appointment and they did an ultrasound and in one dream there were nothing but empty sacks (no babies) and the other there were no heartbeats. Needless to say not the most restful of nights.

Only a few more days and I can hopefully find I have nothing to worry about. If Dr L doesn't give me an ultrasound I believe I'll express my concerns over lack of morning sickness and early on stomach bug and see if I can sway her otherwise. Hopefully they will just plan on doing one though. Crossing fingers until then.

PS As to a 9 week update...nothing is new really. I feel bloated sometimes which I guess is good. The nectarine(s) that I so looked forward to eating made me throw up...so I gave the rest to Jeff and he said they didn't taste right either and we threw them away :P

8 week +

How far along? 8 weeks and a bit

Maternity clothes? nothing purchased still...maybe that $10 Kohl's card and I will make a date this week

Stretch marks? nope

Sleep? Sleep great still...fun dreams too...maybe one or two potty breaks if that

Best moment this week? Being able to get excited about the pregnancy with Brooke/Wade

Movement? None

Food Cravings? Definitely no more burgers for a while after my stomach bug. Taco Time crisp chicken and chocolate muffin were the best foods I ate this week and I can't wait til my nectarines are ripe for eating...mmmmm yum

Gender? jury is out

What I miss? being regular (more regular) hehe

What I'm looking forward to? no more PIO shots (a little over a week to go)

Weekly Wisdom: Try to not worry although you will anyway

Milestones: Nothing I know of

Emotions: Still get weepy over little things at times (news, songs, etc).

Wishing time would move...

I'm wishing time would move quicker to our appointment with the ob/gyn on the 17th. I have been feeling less pregnant and a little more worried. I still don't feel not pregnant so that's good. But I have no morning sickness and only the slightest twinges of nausea (come on with twins...is this normal?) and I'm not overly tired or hungry like so many women say they get.

Jeff and I went out to see my friend Brooke and her twin boys be blessed at church over the weekend. They are so cute. Brooke and her husband are excited for us and gave us little tips (it's weird to have more interaction with people in person who know about it...even though it is still only 6 people). They were sweet. I also talked to Brooke about not feeling sick or overly anything else and thank goodness the girl had the same sort of experience with both her sets of IVF twins. She said she didn't really get sick with either of them and things didn't kick in til a little later for her with other stuff. She reassured me she thought it was fine and I felt a lot better. I'm sure it's all fine. But I'm really just anxious to see the kiddos still and see that they are on target. I have these horrible thoughts sometimes that we'll have the ultrasound and there won't be a heartbeat anymore or they will have stopped growing. Stupid brain needs to shut off at times like that. Generally I feel good though so we'll stick to that.

Surprisingly confident...

I feel like I am surprisingly confident in my body's ability to do this. I know I'm only in the very beginning stretch and there are many hurdles to cross still. I always imagined that when we did DE IVF that I would be worried about the pregnancy and not want to do anything (at all) that would be even a small risk. But I still go to work, I still lift things and vacuum there (not really at home because our vacuum is awkward at times) and generally go about normal life. I feel like my body can finally do this. It has had problems before with thyroid issues and ovarian issues and things that I thought I would worry about it coming through for us but I have to say so far it has been a champ. I haven't had any spotting ever (thank goodness...I'm sure I'd worry more then) and no other issues or complaints. I don't even really have morning sickness or nausea (sometimes mild ick feeling at morning and night but generally I feel great). So I have to give props to my body for doing what it is supposed to do and as far as I can tell doing it well.

I did get pretty sick over the weekend. I have a feeling it was something I ate (whopper jr. to be exact) and I ended up throwing up several times on Saturday night and some into the next day. I didn't eat anything but a couple bites of soup and applesauce on Sunday. Jeff was amazing and took care of anything he could and went to the store several times for whatever sounded good (Sprite, Gatorade, applesauce, etc.). On Monday I ate a few more things and now I feel back to normal. I worried a lot on Sunday about the babies and if this was food poisoning or a bug and if it would harm the babies to be so sick. Jeff also got sick on Monday night so that made me feel a little better that maybe it was just a bug and not so worrisome. I felt like there was little I could do though then to try to take my vitamins and eat when I could and try to get liquid in me. I feel like so much is out of my control when it comes to being sick and that to worry would just make it worse. I hope the babies are okay though and I feel good or bad enough as the case may be that I'm going to try not to worry about it.