Out of Our Hands...

Well Jeff is off with the girls at an indoor playground and I'm laying around on the couch kind of wishing I'd fall asleep. But with no such luck I decided to update here.

We thawed four embryos and three survived. One was given very poor odds but we were given the choice to transfer all three if we really wanted to based on that. Still given a rough ball park of 10% chance of triplets we opted not too (maybe that number was just to scare us out of it haha).  Dr H told us if this cycle was unsuccessful and we had three survive next time as well that he might recommend doing all three. But we decided to transfer the remaining two which were rated fair and poor. Both had assisted hatching done with the thaw. We were given a 40% chance ballpark estimate.  Much more realistic than the last FET which was nice to not have hopes unrealistically high.  Also not sure if our other efforts are factored into hopeful success... I hope not.  I am hopeful/wishful that it's a slightly higher chance with those involved.  Anyway transfer was fine and now we just wait.  Ughhh the dreaded wait.

Anybody with assisted hatching success stories or information?? I'm reading both sides of the coin that it can be good or bad.  I wasn't expecting it to be done so just been reading up a little.

What a Relief...

Transfer went smoothly.  Poor Jeff got a stomach bug or ate something so he was throwing up the night before and that morning.  So although we hadn't planned it he stayed home from work for the rest of the day after the transfer and didn't go to either of his jobs.  It was kind of nice to just have us all chilling at home.  We discussed our plans of one vs two being transferred the night before.  Jeff was okay with transferring only one if the odds were around 25-30%.  You can see how twins have scared us off of the possibility of twins again...love them but sleep deprivation, difficulty breastfeeding and juggling two babies is killer.  I was okay with just one if the odds were around 40%.  Our clinic has an average success rate with frozen cycles of around 40% with average transferred being two or slightly over two.  So we agreed to somewhere around 35-40% being a good average.

We had traffic and sickness issues, along with dropping the girls off with my in-laws, and were 15 minutes late getting to the clinic.  Our attempt to call was met by a machine and their office hours not being open until 8 am (the time we arrived).  They didn't act like it was a big thing.  We still waited just as long or longer in the transfer room so I didn't feel so bad.  Dr M was the transferring doctor this time.  We had never met him but he was very warm and easy to adjust to.  He brought out my file and a picture of the two embryos that had survived the thaw.  One looked great and the other looked okay.  He explained one was in great shape and the other was moderate to good.  Our odds transferring the one would be around 50-60% with a 5% chance of twins he told us.  What the what!!  I couldn't believe it.  I think the sigh of relief could be heard from both Jeff and I.  Dr M continued that the success rate to transfer both would be around 60-70% with a 30% chance of twins.  We were over the moon to have such good odds with one and immediately agreed to just transfer the one.  We asked about the stuff that seemed to be growing next to the embryos and were told that they were hatching and that this was a good sign as well.  I was given the Valium and had some giggles from that and then the transfer was done, the obligatory wait was over and we were sent home.  Luckily after picking up and taking the girls home they were happy to oblige us in an early afternoon nap due to their early wake up call.  Our entire house crashed for a few hours and it was wonderful.

Now the front room is littered with Gatorade bottles, the TV has been playing Yo Gabba Gabba and I've been chilling out today with the girls on my own.  Following my same regimen of liquid intake suggestions (mostly Gatorade) and eating fresh pineapple as I did with our fresh cycle but opting to skip the Raspberry Leaf tea this time (man that was gross last time).  I also have not been as strict on my "bed rest" but how can I be when I still have two little ones at home to care for.  I've taken it easy for sure but haven't grounded myself to the couch.  It's been a nice change.  Now we just wait and hope (and Google a little of course).

Decided to add a picture of the little ones.  We used the larger blastocyst and the other was donated for research.

Going For Broke...

Literally.  I don't like this stage of infertility treatments.  Footing the bill.  Watching savings go down to basically zero.  This time around we asked for a preemptive loan from my parents with the intent to pay them back with our tax return.  Mainly because we didn't want to have the age gap grow and we didn't want the recipient couple to be waiting on us.  So there goes money we didn't really even have yet.  Stink.  We joke about when we are going to get to spend or save a tax return finally.  The last three (or is it four?) have gone to saving/paying for infertility treatments, a car loan and now infertility treatments again.  Not complaining.  Just the fact of how it is.  At least we are minimizing or not growing debt right?

Transfer is set for Tuesday morning though.  I had my ultrasound yesterday and things were great with a 11.3 lining and the triple stripe (always read about that being important online but never had a doctor use the term until now).  Hopefully this will all add up to a good outcome.  We will be starting shots tomorrow.  Joy.  Not looking forward to that part.  It feels like it's been sooooo long since the last one.  I'm sure it will feel old hat once we get a few days and shots behind us.  Still hoping for the full gamut also.

On another side of things in motion right now, our hopeful recipient couple situation has hit a roadblock.  They had a very unexpected chemical pregnancy and also a change of clinic policy (no more donor embryo cycles) all come down the chute at once and this has put us on their back burner while they decide what to do next.  We're kind of disappointed as it really seemed like a good match for us in personality and outlook for future connection and relationship.  We're just waiting to see what their next move is and then we'll figure out if we need to keep looking.

Let the cards fall how they may.  We are all in again at this point.

One Year Ago...

One year ago today we met Seren and Kendall for the first time.  They had their first picture taken.  One year ago today we were going into that transfer room with all of our fingers and toes crossed.  It seems like that day was so long ago.  At the time it seemed like that day was so long in the making.  We are so very lucky that it worked the first time.  I count my lucky stars that we didn't have to suffer a loss on top of the loss created by infertility.  We are so blessed to have these wonderful girls in our lives and so excited to continue to watch them grow.

Kendall and Seren at 5 days old (ie 5 day transfer)

Transfer Day

Things could not have gone better today. We got up early and did the PIO shot and then hung around in bed and talked. It was fun to start talking about the future possibility. The weather was rainy and we decided to leave a little early. We arrived pretty much right on time though so that was good. We saw someone we knew in the waiting area and quickly took seats facing the opposite direction, although we're pretty sure they saw us too. We both know each other's story though as I had talked to the wife once about our issue and she had talked about theirs (actually a very pleasant and understanding conversation). The nurse called us back though fairly quickly and that was good.


We were brought into the transfer room and they had a chair that looked like a recliner in it and some soft ambient music. They had me get ready and Jeff sat in the chair next to me. We waited for about a half hour and they came and told us the case before us was somewhat complicated and apologized for the delay. One of the songs I've become attached to during this (Collin Haye "Waiting for My Real Life to Begin") played over the speakers while we waited and for some reason it made me tear up and feel good about things too. Like I've said before I believe that music is meant to inspire us, comfort us and provide us with hope. I also believe that music is sometimes God's way of communicating with us and comforting us.


Dr H was in charge of the transfer and came in and talked to us about our embryos prior to the transfer. Of the 15 eggs that had fertilized and continued to divide there were 13 that had made it to day 5. Typical rate is about 50% so I was expecting around 7 to make it. We were both very surprised and felt very lucky it was so good. Dr H also went over the quality of the embryos with us. He told us that one of the embryos was the highest grade they gave and that they only saw one of these a year typically. Because of this and our situation with my only known issue being POF they actually recommended for us to only transfer the one embryo. He went over the stats of it working. It was about 50% with the one embryo and to transfer both was 65% with about 40% chance of twins (with at least a few frozen attempts left too). Jeff and I asked to talk about it alone and after we talked for a couple minutes we still felt better with making the most of our fresh transfer chance by transferring two. Dr H was happy with this and said it was perfectly good decision also. He counted out the embryos and other quality and had us sign a form that said we wanted to transfer two and he gave us a picture of the two highest quality ones they would be transferring. It was really neat and made me a little teary. Dr H then gave me two valium to take to relax during the procedure and then left again to prepare for our transfer and the nurse came in and situated me.


During the transfer they had a monitor on the wall so we could watch our embryos being loaded into the catheter that would be used to place them in my uterus. Jeff and I were able to hold hands and we were both smiling and happy. It was just a good feeling and excitement in the room. Once the transfer was over they had me lay reclined on the chair for a half hour and Jeff and I talked and held hands. Once we were ready to go home they brought a wheelchair in for me which I discovered I definitely needed once I stood up and was pretty dizzy from the valium. We drove home and I slept most of the way and then crashed on the couch. Here's to hoping the two embies feel like sticking around for a while.

Two weeks...

Well we are now two weeks away from our expected 5-day transfer date. I was planning out a little surprise for Jeff (more on that later) and realized as I looked at my school, work and IVF calendars (haha yah they're fun to juggle) that it was coming down to the wire.

Anyway it is so close and I think we're both excited and nervous. We don't talk about it much. We talk about remembering our pills and future appointments but not the actual possibility. I for one am perfectly okay with this as the less I talk or worry about the positive or negative (literally) the less I feel freaked out. I am generally excited and have good feelings about it. But I also know that nothing is a sure thing. I am not excited to start PIO injections next week and Jeff is not either. He is so sweet and concerned about them and hurting me. I think it will be okay although it definitely won't be the most pleasant thing I've done. I'm going to submit a refill with Medco on my prescriptions as I'm worried about them delaying or being late and if things go well we'll need them immediately...so hopefully it's not a waste of money.

I used to think I would compare this to waiting for Christmas. And some days I do a little...it could be a really awesome gift at the end. But most days it's more of a feeling that I'm waiting to take a big test and maybe if I study hard enough and focus enough (eat well, take my pills and live healthy as possible) that maybe we'll pass the test at the end. I hope so.

Shy but perfect...my cervix not me

I'm not allowed to be shy anymore. After all we just finished our IVF consult and I got to flash three people. Yeah! They say that when you are pregnant and have continual exams and such that by the time you have the child you don't care who sees your "stuff". Well I think I'm already to that point and I've never even been pregnant.

Our IVF consult was yesterday. They did an U/S of my uterus again and also a trial transfer. Jeff and I were alone waiting in the exam room for 10-15 minutes and started joking around. We have definitely seen some interesting twists to our sense of humors with all of this infertility stuff. We were joking about my bladder being full during the last U/S and also about the resident who was at the exam. I was saying how I hoped it was only Dr. G this time. About the time I said that the knock at the door revealed Dr. G, a female resident and a nurse. Wahoo...isn't three a crowd?? So they did the u/s to look at my uterus. Once again Dr. G says "a beautiful uterus" and "most perfect uterus I've seen in a while". Hear that future (hopeful) kid(s)...I'm giving ya a perfect place so kick up your feet and stay a while.

Dr. G then prepared for the trial transfer and had a little trouble getting my cervix centered and joked "you have a shy cervix" and I felt like saying well you've got three people down there looking at it I'd be shy too but I decided against it. Dr. G then said I also had a perfect cervix too. The resident joked with me about being doubly perfect and we laughed a little. The trial transfer was not bad at all which I found comforting since I've read some women have a horrible time with it. And supposedly the real transfer will be easier so that's good.

We also met with Nurse G again. She had our cycle calendar for us. Wow! That really put things into perspective for me. She talked about the meds I would be taking and the things that Jeff would need to do. She talked to us about the retrieval dates and transfer dates. Goodness it seems surreal that we really will be doing this and having this chance. She praised the donor and asked at the end if we were excited. We were but it was weird to have it all out there in front of us. After two years of working toward this it seems so...unbelievable. I can't express how excited and nervous I am for this and how much I hope that it works. I can picture it working and I'm very hopeful but I also have to remind myself to stay grounded in case things don't go so well.