I love donor egg...

The parenting, the experience, the whole kitten caboodle.  I know sometimes I have gripes about feeling disconnected from society and from women who conceive with their own eggs.  But I really love where we are, how we got here and that we get to do this again.

I started using a pregnancy app with chat groups recently.  Truth be told I only browse the infertility treatment and the pregnant after IVF/IUI boards.  So I have come across a few women with egg issues considering donor egg.  One I've been emailing back and forth with for a few days.  It has both helped me to remember why we are here and all of the incredible positives that are a part of donor egg.

I love being able to share this rainbow at the end of a storm like infertility and letting women know that it's often successful or at least still gives hope when you think you have none.  That it isn't the end of their dreams but hopefully a great beginning to them.  I love learning about epigenetics and thinking on how I believe it played a part in our girls appearance and development.  I am so grateful that there are women who even think to do such a selfless act to donate eggs to those of us who want the opportunity.  I know some may do it for money but I think the great majority are truly in it for the service because there so much more involved that isn't convenient or fun to do.  I am so grateful that a woman I'll never know and who will never know me made this possible.

I'm grateful to have the girls I do.  I hope I never say anything that lessens their worth to me.  They are everything and more to what I hoped my kids would be like.  And not just with donor egg but my whole life before infertility hit.  They are perfect.  They are so beautiful and so thoughtful and just amazing to watch and learn from.  I think re-entering this experience has taught me even more so to enjoy the blessings I have and the opportunity I am given.

6 Months Old

**these mile marker posts are primarily for me (I definitely do not expect anyone to read or comment).  I keep this blog more as a journal for myself (and now the girls).  I  feel like someday my daughters may enjoy being able to read their story too**

Holy Cow! Where has the time gone?  They are officially a 1/2 year old.  They have changed so much and it's exciting and kind of sad at the same time. 

Weight:  No official measurements.  Our 6-month appointment has been pushed back to almost 7-months due to job and insurance changes.  My at-home estimates would be: Kendall and Seren weigh around 14.5 to 15 lbs and Kendall is 27 1/4" and Seren is 26 3/4" 

Eating:   They eat about 6 oz  every 3 to 4 hours.  Sometimes they eat more before bedtime (maybe just a growth spurt thing).  We also give them solids 2-3 times a day...typically breakfast or lunch (sometimes both) and bedtime.  Usually we give them cereal after their bedtime bottle.  Seren loves to share ice water now.  We will be drinking and she will look up like "hey I want some of that" and then she slurps at the edge of the cup.  Kendall likes this okay but I don't think she's a fan of the cold.  I'm still making baby food for them and this is going well.  I have the basics in freezer storage and need to try some new stuff. 

Foods They Like:  Carrots, Peas, Green Beans, Apples with cinnamon (not so much plain), Sweet Potatoes, Parsnips, Pears and cereal (we switched this to baby oatmeal recently due to constipation issues with Kendall)

Foods They Don't:  Peaches, Kiwi, Turnips, Bananas (still trying on these)

Favorite Things:  They still love each other.  They hold hands pretty frequently  and still suck each others hands on occasion.  They suck on their toes now too (Seren mostly).  They love dancing and both giggle at being danced around the living room.  They like the dog.  They stay awake more now so it's more fun and challenging to entertain them (usually one long nap in the morning and a couple short ones later on).  We now have a double jogging stroller that I think they enjoy.  They like music (we danced them to Flo Rida's "Low" song and they thought it was a riot...later it became a soother to both and put Seren to sleep for a couple nights; we have since banned it as neither of us like hip-hop and don't want to start a trend).  Kendall loves to play with our faces, mouth and teeth now.  They like the "superman game" that we picked up from the O family on Jeff's side.

Dislikes:  Being hungry and tired.  I was thinking they might be starting to teeth (at least Kendall) but now I think the cranky days and mid-night wake ups are from growth spurts or such.

Their Accomplishments:   They both do excellent at tummy time still.  They are starting to "stiff arm" prop themselves up higher.  Kendall now rolls both ways easily and sometimes across the room (getting frustrated when she runs into things and can't go anymore).  Seren has still rolled over only by accident and doesn't like to.  She is pretty mobile without though and doesn't seem to be slowing in efforts to learn crawling.  They are both starting to move their legs and try to get them under them.  Seren is still very social and laughs a lot more now.  Kendall is more social and smiles a lot more now and laughs.  They like playing "getcha" now and being tickled.  We practice having them sit up and they are doing better at this also. Kendall can almost tri-pod sit.

Our Accomplishments:  Nothing really new. We are keeping up with a routine of sorts for them which seems to help.  We still have our house listed.  Bedtime routine is really helping too.  We take them out to eat with us occasionally.  We also try to fit in date nights.

Sleep:  Bedtime routine is pretty great.  We bathe every other night usually, sometimes every couple of nights.  We feed them a bottle and cereal around 8 or 8:30, change into pajamas and then put them down.  We then have one parent sit in the rocking chair with both of them while the other reads a story or two.  They still enjoy a little singing at times but not every night.  They have been sleeping 10+ hours a night consistently now...YEAH!! (with the exception of occasional cranky wake ups)

DE Mom musings:  I was surprised that both girls were born with blue eyes.  I didn't think this was geneticly (statistically speaking) possible.  There was a very strong brown eye history with the donor and a lot of hazel on Jeff's side I believe; mine are blue.  I do realize that they may be changing some and Kendall seems to be turning more greenish or hazel.  I still hold out hope for Seren to be a little blue eyed girl (not that it really matters).  Also I am happy to see Kendall is a definite red-head...also a recessive gene (no sign on the donor's side; occurring on Jeff's side and on my own).  I'm not really crediting any play of actual genetics to my side (that would be impossible) but it is still interesting to me and makes me wonder more about epigenetics.  Sorry nothing more in depth on 'musings' this time around.

* I am adding in the 'DE Mom musings' as a try-out.  I think it will be interesting for me and if anyone does skim just to see how one might feel month to month or day to day about this aspect*

These dresses were the first outfit I bought them when I first found out we were having two girls

*my cousin took these adorable photos for her photography business*

What I've learned...

We were hanging out with our good friends the other night.  Their daughter is basically 2 months younger then Kendall and Seren.  She is adorable.  Anyway they were sitting with her between them and comparing her looks to their own.  "I think she has my mouth but your eyes" and "No her mouth is more heart shaped like mine".  I just held one of my daughters and smiled.  I didn't really care which parent their daughter looked like so I wasn't going to comment or add my opinion.  I have noticed I don't really comment on things of that nature with babies and their parents.  I guess it's just not my focus anymore.  Anyway it just made me think about the things I've read about how genetics are not just in whole passed down from the parent.  It is not one parent or the other that is reflected in the child's appearance.  It could be a paternal aunt, a maternal grandmother or a distant relative that a child appears to have the look of.  Truthfully they only look like themselves in my opinion (and as DH puts it).

So some things that I have learned from being the mom to two beautiful girls via egg donation are:  genetics play no part in how we feel about our kids,  genetics are so much more complicated (ie epigenetics) then most people seem to understand, parental love is deeper than anything that would be "skin deep" or in that realm and I have the children I was meant to have heart, body and soul.

*side note* There is so much information on epigenetics.  I agree with the article above that it does not or should not discredit the donor's egg or DNA.  I know I wouldn't have been able to get pregnant or have these kids without her (and I plan on telling our kids that same truth).  But I also believe that there is some play on the appearance and ultimate outcome of children born of donor eggs through epigenetics.

Article about Donor IVF

I found this article through following a blog which linked to another which had this posted on their site.  I found it interesting and explanatory of egg donation and other methods or ART where a donor is needed. 

Myths and Reality of the “Donation”
from the online booklet – OOCYTE DONATION, By Cara Birrittieri, Mary M. Fusillo, RN, BSN, MS, and Georgia Witkin, PhD

You probably learned the following in your high school biology class, but most of us need a review to dispel many of the myths around baby making and making a baby with a donated egg. 

To create an embryo that will grow into a healthy child, you need genetic material from two different gene pools. The combined genetic material instructs the developing fetus to become a boy or a girl, tall or short, have curly hair or straight, blue eyes or brown.

Myth number 1
Fifty percent of the genetic material is delivered by a sperm cell. Most men think their sperm is carrying their own characteristics. This is the first myth. Actually their sperm is carrying genetic material from their entire gene pool (parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.). If the particular sperm that delivered the genetic material for your baby is carrying DNA for characteristics expressed in the father or sperm donor, the baby may resemble him. If, however, that particular sperm is carrying certain characteristics from great uncle Harry for a little girl with curly blonde hair and blue eyes, his daughter may look nothing like him with his straight dark hair and brown eyes. It’s the luck of the draw. Each sperm cell carries an entirely different combination of genes from the man’s ancestors.

The same of course is true for eggs or ova. Any given egg can contain genes from any group of ancestors — those that resemble the woman donating the eggs or those ancestors who look nothing like her. That means the genetic material in a donor’s egg may give instructions for a child to develop with very different features than the egg donor herself. (This has important implications when choosing an egg donor, which is discussed later). Once the two sets of genes combine, another step determines which traits will actually arise in the developing fetus and child. When the genes come together they all interact, some turn on and some turn off, so in reality, there is no telling which gene will do the instructing, and who your child will act like, look like, or sound like.

Think of a family that you know. If each genetic contribution in a child were an exact duplicate of their parent’s genes, all the girls and all the boys in the family would be clones of one another. The fact is that each egg and sperm contains a different combination of genes, and each time they unite a unique individual is created. That is why within the same family there might be some tall children, or short, some brown hair, or blond, some looking like one parent, or some who look like neither. Indeed, the only exception to this rule is identical twins. Their genes are identical because a single embryo splits in two, duplicates and develops as two people with the same genetic makeup. Everyone else has his or her own genetic combination or code. This is also why genetic testing is so accurate.

Myth number 2
Now here’s the part that may surprise you. Although this medical procedure is called “ovum donation,” the recipient does not receive someone’s egg in her uterus. This belief is another myth. Once the genetic material from the sperm and the egg has melded, the work of the sperm and the egg is done. The combined material duplicates itself and two new cells are created. The material duplicates again, and now you have four new cells. They double and there are eight. Soon there will be a ball of new cells — the beginning of a new human being (an embryo). When a woman gets pregnant on her own, this duplication process begins in the fallopian tube. When a donor egg is used, it happens in the IVF laboratory and the embryo(s) are transferred to the recipient’s uterus when it is about the same size it would be coming from the fallopian tube. It is that ball of cells (embryo), not someone else’s egg, which hopefully implants into the recipient’s uterine wall and begins to grow into a fetus.

Myth number 3
Perhaps the greatest myth surrounds pregnancy. Many believe the uterus is simply an incubator. Nothing could be further from the truth. The most important aspect of all pregnancies — including egg donation pregnancies — is that as the fetus grows, every cell in the developing body is built out of the pregnant mother’s body. Tissue from her uterine lining will contribute to the formation of the placenta, which will link her and her new child. The fetus will use her body’s protein, and then she will replace it. The fetus uses her sugars, calcium, nitrates, and fluids, and she will replace them. So, if you think of your dream child as your dream house, the genes provide merely a basic blueprint, the biological mother takes care of all the materials and construction, from the foundation right on up to the light fixtures. So, although her husband’s aunt Sara or the donor’s grandfather may have genetically programmed the shape of a new baby’s earlobe, the earlobe itself is the pregnant woman’s “flesh and blood.” That means the earlobe, along with the baby herself, grew from the recipient’s body. That is why she is the child’s biological mother. That is why this child is her biological child.

Many recipients ask, “Is the baby actually my flesh and blood?” Not literally. No baby is really its mother’s flesh and blood because the truth is that every fetus builds its own flesh and its own blood. Still you might wonder, “If it was my own egg, wouldn’t the baby then have my blood?” No. The baby might inherit your blood type, but would still be making its own blood, just as it makes its own skin and hair texture, and nails and teeth. Besides, with or without egg donation, the baby might have inherited his or her blood type from the father’s gene pool. Think of it this way: every baby is a complete, self-contained, unique human being. You will meet this person when he or she is born. To try to sort out the genetic contributions at that point is like trying to break a cake down into flour, sugar, water, and yeast after it has been baked. It is now a cake, no longer separate ingredients.