Our Hands Are Full With Hearts To Match

Friday, August 29, 2014

Donor Egg: Second Go Around

It occurred to me today I haven't thought too much about it this time at all.  This has been a fairly easy breezy pregnancy apart from the morning/evening sickness in the beginning and the lack of sleep that has recently started.  I am starting to wonder a little bit about what he might look like though.  From the 3D ultrasound bits of him we've seen he seems to have Kendall's little nose but we'll see.  Other then that he's been relatively hidden.  I was surprised to hear at our last appointment that he has some hair...like hair enough to show up on ultrasound.  That definitely did not happen with Kendall and Seren.  So I wonder about hair color and eye color.  I suppose like any other parent waiting on the unknown.  I think of how Jeff's nephew had a full head of red hair at birth.  Maybe he'll have red hair like his sister Kendall?  But then do boys with red hair get made fun of?  For girls it's usually an enviable trait.  Maybe he'll be blonde like Seren?  Jeff and I were both tow headed toddlers also.  Maybe it will be brown.  Maybe brown eyes too.  Maybe the donor aspect of genetics will win out this time.  I kind of hope not but I wouldn't mind either and I'm sure he would still be adorable.  So the curiosity for looks is starting to come out I guess.  Everything else is old hat feeling.  They will be who they will be and we will be who we will and parent how we believe is best and hopefully that will lend itself to making some wonderful full-grown humans some day.

I am still grateful for our donor.  It's been 4 years and a bit since she made that difference in our life and the path it might take.  I wonder if she ever thinks about the blessings she helped make possible.  I don't think we were the only successful couple.  I think on talking to the girls about the donor egg aspect again.  I mention it to them but know more will come out as they all grow up.  I'm grateful the three of them will share the same story and genetics.  I would not have wanted to pursue other children with a different donor even if the expenses weren't there.  I think about that sometimes too.  The expense.  I see other couples who discover infertility later in marriage after they've settled into a life, a home and expenses that don't play so nice with adoption fees and infertility expense.  I'm grateful now that infertility was a part of our lives before we even were married or "trying".  I don't think we would have been able to afford things if we had time to get into some debt.  Even the way it was we were pretty much "this cycle or bust".  It was a stressful beginning but it gave us the ability to plan and budget and make decisions.  I wish it were that easy for many and I wish cost and coverage of infertility was more easily accessible.

Anyway I guess not much has changed with donor egg feelings.  I think I'm more relaxed with things and not anxious about the outcome.  These are our babies and I love them and we love them.  I can't wait for this little one to join us.

Friday, August 22, 2014

Update: 33 weeks

Baby update:  Baby boy is still doing really well.  Still head down with face towards my back bone.  So his little bum is probably what keeps poking out the front making me uncomfortable.  He is estimated to weigh 5.5 lbs now (more then Seren weighed at birth and almost what Kendall weighed).  We didn't get a guess on birth weight but supposedly he'll gain 1/2 lb per week until then so around 8 lbs or so.  Also his head measured about 35 weeks so that wasn't great news to me haha.   

Cravings:  Sugar...my usual weakness.  I'm trying to be better.  I love fruit and milk and peanut butter sandwiches too.

Weight Gain:  about 12 lbs up from pre-pregnancy weight. 

Movement / Symptoms:  His boney and bumpy parts are starting to poke out more, sometimes not so comfortably but still very cool.  I have tried to get the girls to feel him when his bum or such are sticking out and they say they do but not sure.  They love it and get excited though.  

Day to Day:  I hate bending over and I don't think little man likes it when I do either haha  The girls have gotten good at cleaning up their toys and are super nice to help hand me things on the floor if I ask.  The general painting in the house has continued a little though I have a definite stopping point in mind.  I still want to paint his room so maybe that'll be next.  

Baby Prep:  Super Mario nursery decor.  I actually cut up a little fabric and gave it some thought yesterday.  I bought some fabric and ribbon to work on it also.  Of course I took a really short nap during this also :) haha

The Girls:  They are doing great.  They talk about baby brother getting here and holding him.  Seren wants him to come next week and was not happy to hear it will be a little longer than that.  We were asking them what we should name him and it turned into a big giggle as they kept saying "I have a great name for baby brother...knife" and they'd giggle and then the other would repeat the same statement and "name" of knife.  They were having a great time.  They argue about who will hold him first. I hope the excitement doesn't wear off too quickly though I'm sure it will.  We have play group once a week and they love that.  They love going to Sunday dinners at Jeff's parents where they play with cousins and wear themselves out.  

Looking forward to:  Getting some nursery stuff made.  Maybe painting.  I started packing a hospital bag with a few things...definitely no where near done.  Need to do some pre-hospital shopping for the house before he comes home too.  Lots to do and I just haven't stressed about it this time so the list isn't really done haha  Oh boy!  Figuring out a name haha...it's still a discussion and undecided.

Next visit:  Sept 4th and Sept 18th.

Little man didn't cooperate for a picture so here's one of him from the outside

Friday, August 1, 2014

Update: 30 weeks

Baby update:  He is doing well.  He measured on target I believe but it wasn't mentioned directly.  I don't worry unless something is mentioned but don't always ask if it isn't.  He weighs about 3.5 lbs and everything was still looking good.

Cravings:  Sandwiches haha I can always be in the mood for a subway.  Sadly Jeff is getting sick of subway being my go-to meal out (it's cheap and park friendly haha)...granted this is only every couple weeks or so.  Chocolate.  Milk.

Weight Gain:  about 10 lbs up from pre-pregnancy weight.

Movement / Symptoms:  His boney and bumpy parts are starting to poke out more, sometimes not so comfortably but still very cool.  He was going crazy the night before our appointment and I kind of think he was making a turnabout now as he was head-down at the appointment.  Good job kiddo now just stay in formation as I'm hoping to avoid slicing and dicing come delivery day.

Day to Day:  Pretty lame here.  I've been trying to clean and organize and that has led to lots of lame days around the house.  I'm not even sure you could tell if it's made a difference sadly.  But the girls are good sports and still enjoy playing on our swing set when the mood strikes them...it's still pretty warm so it's not always often.

Baby Prep:  Super Mario nursery decor.  Still haven't done anything with this.  Hoping to work on it this coming week or next.

The Girls:  They are doing good and playing well together.  They have the funniest expressions they pick up that make us laugh "gimme a break" and others I can't recall right now...so need to write them down.  We have a family reunion for Jeff's side of the family in Idaho this weekend.  The girls are looking forward to seeing the cows up there (hopefully there are a good amount of cows haha) and their cousins (some they see often and others it's been a long time).

Looking forward to:  Getting some nursery stuff made.  Maybe painting.  I will probably start to pack a hospital bag after we get back from Idaho as I didn't do this last time and it will be nice to not throw it together last minute.  Figuring out a name haha...it's still a discussion and undecided.

Next visit:  August 21st and Sept 4th (I make them two at a time now I guess).

Monday, July 14, 2014

Update: 27 weeks

Baby update:  He's definitely more active and getting stronger which is reassuring.  We finally got a partial face shot of him.  He is measuring 28 weeks (at 27 weeks) but Dr B said he's 60% percentile when I was a little confused at him being a week ahead.  Maybe my app is wrong or I just misunderstood something.  Estimated weight would be a little over 8 lbs if I go full term (honestly hoping not to but we'll see).

Cravings:  Salads and sandwiches.  Chocolate, peanut butter...my usual weaknesses.  I made homemade chicken salad and ate so much of it.  It was super yummy.  Sadly a lot of it went down the sink after a few days (have to make a smaller batch next time).

Weight Gain:  about 8 lbs up from pre-pregnancy weight.  I must have passed my glucose test as I never heard back and they said I would if there was a problem.

Movement / Symptoms:  Feeling more movement and typically every day.  Definitely feeling more uncomfortable with movement and more growth.

Day to Day:  Pretty lame here.  Go to play groups with friends and stay inside a little too much due to it being so stinking hot (hitting 100 *F this past week a couple times).  Starting to want my body back and look forward to sitting, walking and just doing things more easily (even though compared to many I probably have little to complain about).  I loathe bra shopping and bra wearing.  Can't find a solution and only have one bra I remotely like or fit right now.

Baby Prep:  Super Mario nursery decor.  Still haven't done anything with this.

The Girls:  They are doing well and loving summer.  We got to the splash pad and Seren likes it okay but generally I bribe Kendall to get wet or she won't and she doesn't like it either way.  They LOVED the fireworks this year which was so much fun.  We also took them bowling for the first time and they had a great time.

Looking forward to:  Cooler months.  Getting some nursery stuff made.  I feel like a slacker on this as we may not even put up the crib until after my parents visit (depending on how it fits) so I feel no pressure to make bedding...which is nice.  I would like to paint this room but not sure.  Just realized with taking things out of it and off walls that it's a little more beat up than I previously thought.

Next visit:  July 31st.  Then it will be every two weeks.

Baby Boy at 27 weeks

Free Slurpee Day 7/11/2014 -  These girls love slurpees

Friday, July 11, 2014

No Right or Wrong Way...

My closest friend recently shared an "8 Things to Never Say to a Mom of an Only Child" on Facebook.  I initially thought well this is good and probably informative of another side to life and choice or non-choice to be in that situation.  She has a little girl who is a couple months younger than my two girls and they experienced a early second-trimester miscarriage last September and are still trying again from my understanding.  She has told me of the insensitivity of people asking "when are you going to have another?" type questions.  But the one point in this list she points out to agreeing with most is parents/moms saying "It's so hard with three kids".  I'm sorry...what?  Even the author of the article admits that if you stay at home with your (three) kids or work full time and come home to them that you are an exception to her complaint saying her complaint is against those who send their kids to day care or "school" and aren't attached to them ALL the time.  Obviously it's harder to juggle more children by simple math.  I kind of think the author rewrote/reworded after backlash from parents of multiple children.

Now I get that this "complaint" (at least by my friend) is probably more geared at women that complain about having more children.  Honestly I try not to ever complain about the number of kids I have.  I'm grateful for my girls even on days when I've hit my patience breaking point and bedtime can't come soon enough.  I don't complain about my pregnancy or act like I'm put out by any discomfort I have (well maybe to myself, Jeff or the dog).  I don't have an only child (never did) and I'm grateful.  I hope I would be grateful with only one as well but I can see the struggle. 

Anyway I have sidetracked from my even more annoyed declaration about this discussion that ensued after her posting.  Her sister-in-law, who has suffered 3 miscarriages, replies first and points out that she's not sure she's in agreement with the article because she doesn't think most people are being "insensitive jerks" (as the article calls them) for asking about having other children or just generally inquiring about family and kids.  She went on to say that she doesn't think talking about miscarriages should be taboo and she likes having the opportunity to educate people.  I can understand that.  When I get asked about my twins I feel the same way about it giving me a chance to shed light on infertility and maybe be supportive to someone going through it or who might have questions.  

But no understanding or empathy was to be had for her points...strong disagreement came pouring in from my friend's husband and his best friend (mutual close friend to my friend as well).  Knowing some of my friend's recent irritated feelings towards this sister-in-law (announcing her pregnancy too early for my friends liking, complaining about morning sickness to my friend, etc) I wonder if some of the attack that followed was due to a general dislike of her and her handling of current pregnancy.  Anyway both men went on to say...How dare she call miscarriage talk "taboo".  It's not taboo it's painful they both say and basically shame her for wanting to be public about her experience.  In my opinion obviously my friend's husband is defending his wife and their good friend is defending his mother who is still emotional when it comes to her own loss many years ago.  I get that.  Defend away.  But calmly express your opinion don't tell someone they are wrong for how they are handling it.  

Seriously?  You have to argue over how someone is supposed to deal with their grief.  How is this even a topic where there is a right or wrong answer.  Granted I've never had a miscarriage and I don't know what that is like but for me I think being told "you'll never have children" and having to go to the furthest extremes to have children passes pretty close up there to something emotionally similar.  Maybe for those that have had miscarriages that will take offense to that and for that I apologize.  But the point I'm trying to make is basically just to say that I know what it's like to be emotionally gutted and left with what feels like a dark abyss of no hope and no understanding.

Why compare?  Why argue about the appropriate way to handle how you discuss or don't discuss it?  There is no right or wrong way to handle yourself or your emotions.  Unless you are forcing that way onto someone else.  So for them to tell her (someone who has been through repeated miscarriages) that she is wrong about her opinion of the subject just really pissed me off.  You just don't go there.  You don't tell someone who knows how it feels and has had the same type of loss that they are wrong in how they deal with it.  Seriously it just steams me still but that's all I have to say on the subject without going into some long rant and tirade about it (if I haven't already).  I deleted my comment towards the article (which was lighthearted and before the attack) and will leave it at that.

Friday, June 13, 2014

Anatomy Scan...23 weeks 1 day

Baby update:  Baby boy was doing well.  He is very much decidedly not a mover and shaker (at least for appointments).  The tech measured what she needed to and everything looks good and is on target.  Little man is approximately 1.5 lbs right now and had a heart rate of 154 bpm.  He was pretty stubborn in showing his face...in fact didn't really show it enough for the anatomy scan to be complete but the tech didn't seem all that worried (or super friendly for that matter haha).  She made a note about not being able to measure or visualize the face well and said Dr B could follow up with this if he wanted to.  My ob/gyn has my due date for October 7th and since everything keeps measuring accurate for this I've decided to adopt it over my October 9th given by UCRM's office.

Cravings:  Salads and sandwiches.  Sweets (unfortunately).  Chinese...I have yet to enjoy some good crab/cream cheese wontons.  I figure the crab is imitation so therefore probably safe.

Weight Gain:  4 lbs up from pre-pregnancy weight.

Movement / Symptoms:  Feeling more movement and typically every day, usually around my bladder.  I think the anterior placenta has kept things pretty quiet on this front so far.

Day to Day:  Definitely feeling better and more energy.  We went to Zions National Park and enjoyed some nature walks/hikes.  It was nice to have our girls in tow as I was able to go at a slow pace.  I'm not in great shape and probably even slower with pregnancy.  Hoping to get some cleaning and organizing going before I get to the uncomfortable stage again.

Baby Prep:  Super Mario nursery decor although I haven't started on this still.

The Girls:  They are doing well and loving summer.  They loved staying at the condo for Zion and going hiking and swimming.  We're going to head to a movie in the park with them tonight.

Looking forward to:  An actual 3D scan where we can baby boy's face haha  We haven't really had any great u/s pictures with this pregnancy so far.  Maybe they try harder to give you some cute pictures with your first pregnancy or maybe he really is this stubborn.  Anyway hoping to see a cute chubby cheeked picture in the next bit.

Next visit:  July 10th glucose test and appointment.

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Update: 22 weeks

Baby update:  Baby boy was doing well at our appointment.  He doesn't seem to be much of a mover and is always pretty chill.  Hopefully he'll be a wonderful mellow baby as well.  He measured a couple days ahead again and was about 0.75 lbs.  Dr B estimated he would be about 7.5 lbs or so if I go full term.

Cravings:  Nothing really.  I like salads still and sandwiches like Subway (probably shouldn't).  Nothing ever sends me running to the store or restaurant to go eat it though.

Weight Gain:  2 lbs up from pre-pregnancy weight.

Symptoms:  Feeling a little more movement but not always.  Did find out I have an anterior placenta though so that is probably muffling some of the movement going on.  Usually he starts wiggling if I haven't eaten breakfast and right after I eat or when I lay down to sleep at night.

Day to Day:  Definitely feeling better and more energy.  Painted two of our larger walls in our house (as in ladder needed).  They were a creamy yellow neutral from the previous owner and I finally got my way (love ya Jeff) and we splurged on a copy gallons of nice cream light brown/tan to paint it all).  Still many walls to go but hey it's getting there.  I am trying not to paint the baby's room this time but who knows what will happen.

Baby Prep:  Super Mario nursery it is.  I ordered some sheets to use for material and a plush Mario.  I'm excited to get going on it.  I've also bought some gently used baby boy clothes, a gently used nursing pillow, a carseat and a couple new outfits courtesy of Khols sending me a $10 off $10 or more coupon.

The Girls:  They are doing well and loving summer.  We've been sick with fevers and sniffles the last couple weeks which is no fun but we're heading into the clear now and going to hit more parks and splash pad fun.  Our little blow up pool is waiting in the backyard as we speak (might need an upgrade as it really is quite little hehe)

Looking forward to:  We are heading down with the girls to our southern state for some relaxing and hiking this weekend and into the week for a few days.  We'll stay at a condo we're renting in St. George and then do some hiking and exploring in Zions National Park.  Sooooo looking forward to it.  The condo has a community pool and playground and other fun stuff (hope my swimsuit will fit).  Plus some good eats will be had :)

Next visit:  June 12th for targeted ultrasound/anatomy scan.
Gotta love selfies in the mirror :P 
I bought tops a couple sizes up from my normal on clearance at Walmart and was going to rouche them with elastic thread so they weren't so frumpy...getting to the "eh who cares" point though HAHA
HAHA...Like I said it's small.  Time for an upgrade I think.  They still LOVED it.