Update on the Cookie

Seren is a trooper.  She has adapted very well to her newly casted leg.  She doesn't like it but she manages.  The first full day in the splint was rough as Seren was upset about it and Kendall had a fever (I think from teething since it's gone and nobody ever got sick).  So both of my sweeties were extra needy and I was a bit nutty from all of it.  But we have made it to almost a week post-break and things are good.  Seren is now sporting a hot pink cast and enjoys her days typically on the couch or on the mattress in the front room (luckily during the move-in this is where we slept so the mattress has stayed there for now to be a comfy sitting spot). 

Jeff's parents and sister came to sit with Kendall and his mom came to the appointment with me.  The specialist Dr Richter was quick and accurate in the assesment of her break.  He said it is not in the growth plate so it should heal very nicely and not cause any problems.  He also said he typically sees these type of breaks with trampolines.  He explained they would put a bent-knee non-weight bearing cast on for 2 weeks and then a straight leg weight bearing cast for 2 weeks after that.  The bend in the knee being to discourage Seren from trying to stand or walk (like Mommy isn't a big enough discourager).  The PA and nurse came in to put the cast on and we told them the pinkest pink they could find would make Seren happy.  The cast wrapping went smoothly and Seren didn't even cry.  She squirmed a little when the PA tried to talk to her and gave some scowls when they touched her leg but in general was amazing.

She has been off of her feet at home when I am around.  During naptimes and bedtimes I have found her standing up in her crib, holding onto the railing and most of her weight on her good leg.  I was fighting her on it but have since decided that she doesn't appear to put weight on the cast and that I can't have eyes on her at all times to keep her off.  I can't wait until she is in the weight bearing cast though so I won't be so stressed about it.  We have watched enormous amounts of Sesame Street.  So much that I want to gouge my eyes out at times but it seems to keep them both happy.  We also go for walks in the stroller, color, play with toys on the floor, go for drives in the car, stroll around stores and swing in the backyard to kill the boredom blues. 

Broken Leg...Broken Heart

aka The Disadvantages to Being a Twin and Why I Suck as a Parent

*heaven knows I'm writing this so Seren can have "fun" memories not because of my fabulous parenting skills.

We just moved to our new home on Wednesday.  We love the area.  We love the neighbors.  We love(ed) the swing set in the backyard.  So did the girls.  We had been out to play on it once or twice.  Seren has gotten pretty good at climbing on her own with us being there to support and help.  She even managed to scale a ladder all on her own once when grandma and grandpa were here playing with them...needless to say I rushed over and helped her up the rest of the way and down the slide. 

So I knew she could climb them.  I knew for her age this wasn't a great idea since she's still unbalanced and small.  But I figured I could stay on top of both of them.  We went outside yesterday and were playing with Daddy and Aunt A nearby.  Aunt A was helping with Kendall and Seren and all was fine.  Aunt A went inside or something for a moment and I was right there with the girls.  I helped Kendall up and then down the slide.  Then, I turned around and I saw Seren near the top of a ladder and before I could respond to get her down she had slipped.  I watched her fall and saw her land with most of the force on her left leg.  I ran to her and she was crying (okay screaming) and I picked her up and rushed her inside the house to check her out.  I stripped off her pants and shoes and looked at her legs and knee.  I didn't see anything wrong but she kept crying.  I rocked her and held her and offered her chocolate to see if it would calm her down (as it has in the past with falls and bumps).  She pushed it away.  Jeff and Aunt A came inside with Kendall and we tried to calm Seren down.  I asked if we should go to the doctor or ER and it was somewhat decided to wait a few minutes and see if she would calm down.  She did somewhat but she also wouldn't put any weight on her left leg and kept crying.  I called the after-hours pediatrics and explained what happened and how she was acting and they set up an appointment for an hour later.  Seren finally exhausted herself and fell asleep in Jeff's arms for a little while.  Kendall went down for her nap and when it was time to leave I left Jeff home with Kendall sleeping and took Seren.  She was more calm but again wouldn't put weight on her leg.  On the car ride there she seemed completely happy and sung and babbled from her carseat in the backseat.

The pediatrician saw her and examined her legs.  Seren cried at being touched and screamed when the doctor touched her lower leg and knee area.  She got a sucker and calmed down.  I was told the injury or pain seemed to be around her shin and knee but that the doctor wanted x-rays of her whole leg just to be sure.  So we headed down to radiology.  We waited there for a little while.  Then they brought us back and placed her on the x-ray table and I sat with her in a lead apron.  They gave her another sucker.  And the two of us cried as they took several x-rays and Seren screamed when they bent, turned and touched her leg.  Seren begged to be held and I tried to comfort her and tell her we had to take pictures first.  I've never felt so helpless and guilty.  The radiologist didn't see anything immediately and so I crossed my fingers and hoped for a sprain or something else.

We went back to the doctor's office upstairs and waited.  It took some time to get the x-rays read and back to them so we called and checked in with Jeff and said hello to Kendall.  Seren was in good spirits.  When the doctor came back in she told us that Seren had indeed fractured her leg with the fall.  I started crying again and she tried to give me a pep talk of how I was not a horrible parent (especially with twins) and that things like this happen.  I asked where it was broken and she took us to her office and showed us the x-ray.  It is on the upper part of the tibia (larger bone in the lower leg) near the knee.  I noticed that it was close to the growth plate (thank you BioMed in college) and asked about this.  The doctor said yes it would need some extra care and follow-up to make sure this wouldn't cause problems.  Then she had us follow her to the "prep room" where they splinted Seren's leg with a plaster type backing, gauze and an ACE type bandage over all of it.  She sat in my lap during this and again we cried and she screamed and begged for comfort. 

We were referred to an orthopedic specialist to call on Tuesday (dang you holiday) and will have further follow up from him, including a cast.  Seren is not supposed to have any weight bearing on that leg until the cast comes off in about 3 weeks or so.  So basically, as the doctor said, stock up on coloring books and other sitting/quiet type games.  Hoping for the best and no further trouble for her with this as it heals. 

Seren and Kendall with the splint...watching some Sesame Street.  This is right after we got home so her hair is a sweaty mess.

New Faces, Paces and Plans...

We moved everything out of our storage this past weekend on the 29th.  It mostly went into the garage so that the carpets can be cleaned at the end of this week.  It was a really smooth move and only took us about 2 hours total and maybe an hour of settling a few things into the house.  We had a good amount of help and Jeff's mom watched most of the kids (Seren, Kendall and cousins) so it was relatively easy.  It seems like a wonderful neighborhood which we are over the moon about.  We met a handful of neighbors who were all very nice and offering help and future help.  They all praised each other and the area.  So hopefully it isn't all a farce or just the surface impression.

I am a little tentative in regards to the neighborhood being primarily LDS / Mormon.  I am Mormon but after going through infertility and determining the way we wanted to build our family through donor eggs it has been a little more interesting in our relationship to other typical LDS members and the values of the church.  We do still go to church each week and we pray with our children and I do hope to work towards a more active lifestyle with our church but it has yet to be determined how it will all pan out (isn't it always with anything you do?)  I have decided not to be secretive or misleading in the reason we have twins but I will not be sharing the piece regarding donor eggs.  In my understanding it isn't highly accepted or what is expected as the first step to resolution of infertility (or possibly at all).  I feel no shame with it and I still feel that God is perfectly happy with our little family but why expose something so private if you ask me.  It will be Kendall and Seren's decision as they get older (and hopefully have a good grasp of it) to share this information if they feel it relative.  Anyway just a sub-thought process going on there.

Also, we were planning on moving out at the end of this week on Saturday morning.  Plans have changed a little.  Jeff's cousin who lives out of state is getting married on Thursday to a girl who is somewhat local...so the wedding and reception will be here in Utah.  Long story short it was somewhat offered for them to stay at the house if Jeff and I had moved by then (which it was assumed we would be...no one expected 5 months).  And since this family struggles somewhat financially it was the easiest and cheapest arrangement for them.   So, as we sat around making plans for our week and the last load to move to the house...they called and this plan was brought up again. Jeff and I were fine with moving up our time a couple days (we'll move Wednesday night now) although it makes it less smooth at the same time.  I am not so worried about us as I am worried about the girls handling the transition with less than ideal circumstance.  They will be in their pack-n-plays for a couple nights (since we can't put up cribs until the carpets are cleaned and dry) and in a new/strange surrounding also.  I hope that they make it through okay.  I hope we all make do with it.  I can't wait to be there and settling in now.

21 Months

*as always these are for me (and the girls) to remember so don't feel pressured to read*

Foods They Like:  They love almost all fruit...peaches are big right now.  They are getting better at eating meat.  They like yogurt, apple sauce, pizza, bread, orange juice, bananas, enchiladas, biscuits and gravy, etc.

Foods They Don't:  Mostly vegetables and odd textures.  They are doing a little better though.

Favorite Things:   They LOVE going to the park and now recognize "park" and "slide" as words that get them super excited.  They love going on walks (stroller or on foot) and dogs of all sizes.

Favorite toy:  They still love shoes and always want to wear them and bring us our shoes...I think because that means we might go to the P-A-R-K haha.  Kendall loves books.  Seren loves Elmo's World and hums the song.

Dislikes:  Being hungry and tired.  Teething.  Being told what to do or not to do.

Their Accomplishments:  Walking and running.  Stairs up and down...we've taken the gate off now and even allow them to go up and down the spiral stairs.  Learning body parts.  They also do this adorable thing of copying me when I wave my hand over their food to cool it off...they both get excited and start waving both hands up and down like they are trying to help (I love it).

Verbal:  They understand a lot of words but still don't verbalize as much.  They'll repeat a new word after we say it and we'll be excited and try to get them to use it again and typically they don't (kind of like the first time was an accident).  I do think they are learning just not sure if it's considered a little delayed or not.  I checked with our pediatrician and she referred us to Early Intervention.  They have an appointment to be evaluated on October 16th.

Teeth:  They are both just missing canines and 2 year old molars now.

Sleep:  We are getting back to great sleeping habits again (thank goodness).  Sometimes Seren will cry for a few minutes at night but generally goes back to sleep.  Kendall sleeps better and usually only fusses at night once in a great while.  Kendall has gotten her legs stuck in her crib slats a few times.  Sometimes one leg and a couple times both legs until she starts whining and crying.  It's kind of funny and adorable to find her stuck like this.  Glad she hasn't done it too much yet.

Looking forward to:  Looking forward to more words and verbal skills.  Looking forward to cool weather and family get togethers during the holidays.  We are moving tomorrow (29th) and are so excited to be on our own again and hope the girls will love it too.

Feeling Like A Failure...

It started out with some minor concerns with Kendall and Seren being verbal for their age.  We asked about it at the last doctor's appointment (18 months) and their pediatrician said to let her know if they didn't learn a few more words in the next couple months.  I talked to Jeff and his mom about it and the girls began to imitate more and it seemed like they were improving so it was put off for a while.  The girls sometimes repeat a word or attempt at a word but then won't say it again when prompted.  They only really say 5 or 6 words consistently.  Kendall says:  momma, dadda, dog, duck, uh-oh.  Seren says:  momma, dadda, juice, uh-oh, yes (and hums/babbles tunes to Twinkle Little Star, Elmo's World and Rock A Bye Baby). Their comprehension is great (I think) and they seem to understand what we say or ask them.

I kept noticing kids around them...kids that were close to their age or a month or two younger being more verbal.  Finally after running into an 18 month old at the park that was saying 1,2 and saying a couple words I got a little concerned again.  Jeff and I talked about it and listed all the words the girls said consistently and some they attempt but don't repeat.  Then I contacted our pediatrician again and received word back that she would expect them to say quite a few more words than they do right now.  That 2 year olds were expected to have a 50 word vocabulary.  Of course they aren't on track for that.  So she is referring us to early intervention to have them evaluated.

I know it's better to have them evaluated and to see what more we can do.  But it is just like this heavy weight on my heart.  Because I just think what is the likelihood of two toddlers having speech delays because of inherent reasons.  To me it just screams that it is something lacking with the environment and instructors (ie me).  And I thought we were doing okay despite dividing attention between the two to try to read and talk to them and such.  And I limit their television (usually an episode of Sesame Street every other day or so but definitely no more than one a day).  I guess we can't really say they are delayed until we have them evaluated but I just feel like crap that they even need to be evaluated.  And it's so stupid and irrelevant but I have this weird concern that my "competitive friend" who has a daughter two months younger than them will judge it or find it as a reason to be more proud or bragging about her child (like she doesn't do that enough already).  I feel my protective momma bear nature coming out at the same time and don't want to cause problems with my feelings about it.

I guess all we can do is set it up and have them evaluated and then move from there.  Dr G (their ped) says that Early Intervention might offer speech therapy to help them catch up.  I guess it doesn't hurt to have some help either to know what more I can do to teach and help them learn.

Fictional Fooey (media and infertility not mixing yet again)

I get so intrigued and then almost immediately generally annoyed when it comes to infertility coming up in the media.  I recently started catching episodes of my old favorite TV show "Felicity" on NetFlix.  I lived and breathed that show during my college years and related to it in so many ways (chopping my hair off after a breakup, stupid college crushes and impulsive decisions).  I still find it amusing a little but the last episode I watched caught me off guard.  It actually touched on egg donation.  I didn't remember this ever being a topic.  Of course it would have been when I was seemingly fertile and not having problems with my period so why on earth would it strike any chord with me right?  Well this time it did and to tell you the truth it kind of pissed me off.

Felicity is asked by Javier to consider being an egg donor for him and his partner/husband.  I know the situation in the show is slightly different and dealing with egg donation and gay marriage/unions at the same time (it's not real drama without an extra layer right?).  I am not really touching base on that aspect.  It was sweet to hear the thoughts of Felicity considering it...reasons I would hope a donor would donate for.  To help someone realize their dreams of being a parent and that type of thing.  But Ben, Felicity's boyfriend, didn't agree with it saying "it would be your child" and "someone else would be raising your child" and "you'd have nothing to say about how they did it" and "think of Julie and how her adoptive parents loved her but she still wanted to find her real parents".  Eventually Felicity decided that Ben was right and she couldn't donate (of course in real life doctors and psychologists weed out people with unsure intentions).  They both agreed it would happen for Javier with someone else donating.

The conversations about it between Ben and Felicity just rubbed me all wrong .  No Kendall and Seren are not my genetic children but they are my children and I am their mother.  And come hell or high water that is how I will always think of them.  Will everyone in the world agree with that...probably not.  But the only people I hope agree are those directly related to me and my family (especially my daughters being #1 on that list).  I hope I will understand when they want to know more about their story and how they came to be.  I try to mentally prepare myself and them (when they are older) to understand it's different  unique from a lot of families.  I hope that they aren't disappointed or alienated because of our choices but even if they were it wouldn't change my feelings.  I am their mother.  I carried them and gave birth to them and if it weren't for Jeff and I they wouldn't be here, just as if it weren't for them we wouldn't be parents.  I love them more than I ever thought possible.  They will always get the very best from us.

Fictional characters and real life writers with no experience will never know what it's like on this side of the fence.  I think they are hopefully well intended and just trying to touch on topics that are mainstream.  But seriously I think I need to lower my expectations (like A LOT) of them getting any of it right.

Packing Up...

I have begun packing unnecessary things...toys they don't love, sewing projects, books.  I am over eager much yes.  We have 12 days to close;  it may happen sooner...we haven't been given a sure closing date.  But the bank has given us until the 25th to close so it will happen by then.  The wheels have been smoothly turning so far.

I will miss the stream with ducks within a short walk from our current living quarters.  I have begun taking Kendall and Seren down there pretty frequently.  They love watching the ducks waddle after bread from the stroller (I am a worry wart and refuse to get them out of the jogging stroller for fear of them falling in the stream that is more like a river;  they don't complain).  The girls always beg for a piece of bread which they eat while being mesmerized by the ducks.  I had a birthday tradition growing up of going to a local duck pond to feed the ducks...I think it might be enjoyable for the girls to reignite this and keep it going.

Also once we have settled into our new home I think we'll finally be able to make some serious decisions about our frozen embryos.  I looked into Miracles Waiting while we've been here but it looks like they mail you things and I didn't want interception and questions happening from exploring this option while living with the in-laws.  So looking forward to making decisions and moving on or forward whatever it may be.

I am so incredibly grateful for my daughters.  They are more than I could ever hope for in having children.  I love watching them blossom into cute, intelligent, curious, fun loving, (and tantruming) toddlers.  The tantrums don't even bother me that much usually.  I hope that they love their new home as much as we do.