The Bond That Ties...

I just enjoyed reading an article from a mother to a genetic daughter and twin boys via egg and sperm donation.  Interesting situation that brought them to the decision which lead to their twins.  I just really enjoyed the last couple of paragraphs:

"...All of that is irrelevant though, as our sons finally arrived healthy, happy, and ready to receive the love that mother, father, and sister had been waiting so long to share.      

So that is the story of our family, a family of which I am tremendously proud.  Our particular story may be uncommon, but family development in which members do not share a common genetic history is not.  Families of differing genetic backgrounds are created every day through varied means: adoption, foster care, second marriages/relationships, donor gametes, and surrogacy.  And each and every one of these families is valid.  We have one child who shares our DNA and two who do not; but make no mistake, they are all our children."

I've never really thought of even the "natural" ways that families become unrelated genetically to each other.  But it doesn't make any difference in the world to the love those families share.  The bond that ties deeper than any other on this earth is simply that...love (not genetics).

13 Months

*I think I will be ending these soon or just doing them after their set appointments but doing it by old habit today*


Height/Weight:  Approx. 30" long.  They are probably around 19 lbs (they were a 1/2 lb difference at their last appointment)


Eating:  They went bottle free about a week after their birthday.  I threw out all but 4 bottles and then all of them...plus swore I would not buy formula.  They did pretty good...a couple rough nights but they don't even miss it now.  They eat 3 meals a day and a snack before afternoon nap and an hour or so before dinner.   

Foods They Like:  They will eat anything we are eating and are pretty adventurous with food.  Seren is the more picky eater but somehow still weighs a little more than Kendall.  They like grapes, peaches, toast, peas, carrots, goldfish crackers, cheese, yogurt, chicken nuggets (homemade), pasta, etc.  Oh and pizza...Jeff introduced them to that and they loved it. 

Foods They Don't:  strawberry cereal puffs, cheddar puffs and some weird freeze dried fruit snack (I agree it was gross). 

Favorite Things:  They still love each other (more and more).  They are more interested in crawling off and exploring.  Seren loves to crawl off to the spare bedroom and then shut the door behind her and giggle.  They like being chased and tickled.  They love taking baths.  They both love to cuddle more now (I hope this isn't a short phase).  They like to practice walking.  Their favorite toy right now is their stacking cups.

Dislikes:  Being hungry and tired.  Getting into trouble or being told "no".  Poor Kendall's constipation is back so she'll be getting more apple juice to help.

Their Accomplishments:  They both stand independent pretty well.  They cruise furniture with ease.  They climb up stairs (supervised of course).  They seem to be understanding language more (ie "hug", "give me a kiss", "soft/gentle", "share" and of course "no" still brings on tears or sometimes laughter in Seren's case when she thinks it's a game).  They are both so close to walking but still need the reassurance of a finger or toy with us at the other end.  Seren took 3-4 steps last night in order to get to a cracker I was holding and Kendall has taken a couple very unsteady steps.  They are so interactive with each other and I can't wait to see this grow.  They love to love on each other.  


Teeth:  Kendall has her two bottom teeth.  Seren has her two bottom and three (or four) on top.

Our Accomplishments:  Still on a great schedule generally.  We make a great team.  I am always so grateful that Jeff is willing to put in the work to take care of them as well.  We are once again trying to sell the house so keeping it really clean with two cruisers is a challenge.  We have a great system though and are having more and more fun with the girls as they get bigger. 

Sleep:  Same bedtime routine and works like a charm (especially when a bath is included).  They sleep between 11-12 hours at night.  Nap twice a day still...2 hours and then second nap is 45 minutes to an hour.

Looking forward to:  Looking forward to more mobility but also scared of two toddlers running around.  Kind of can't wait for some first real steps now...I know they are going to be thrilled when they can really take off.  Looking forward to warm weather and getting them outside more again. 

It Bothers Me A Little...

In my infertile mind it bothers me a little...
- that my newly twin-carrying fertile friend is now posting about this pregnancy everyday on Facebook.
- that she's starting a photo album "My Journey Carrying Multiples" documenting by photos her progress and belly bump every week for the next 22 weeks (if she makes it to 38 weeks that is).
- that she does all of this with probably little second thought to her sister-in-law who has struggled since getting married 5+ years ago to have a baby (miscarriages, still-birth at full-term, loss at 20 weeks, etc).  Her sis-in-law is a much stronger person than I and seems supportive on FB (I would want to punch my friend in the face if I were her).
- that she asks for support and advice from her fellow twin moms and a few times when I've offered it she gives me the attitude of knowing better and that she is of course a prior mom and thinks having twins shouldn't be much different.
-that something (twins) that I used to only share with my fellow infertile friends who also knew how much work, money and emotion went into getting them into their uterus much less out in the world I now share with this friend who doesn't understand that side of things (gosh I sound like such a brat saying and thinking that).

Yeah I was thinking that I was over my initial gut reaction towards her and I think I am excited for her but then all of this annoying behavior is happening (even my mutual non-infertile friend is finding the frequent posts and talk annoying) and it really bothers me sometimes.  It's totally true that no matter how many kids you have or how long you suffered or suffer infertility that it just changes your perception forever.

Another child debate...

Jeff and I are in debate with this one.  We don't and haven't talked about it too seriously yet.  I would like to come to a decision and be moving forward with things (if it goes that route) by the time the girls are two but we'll see.  I don't know what makes me want to have another child.  Part of me wants to experience a singleton pregnancy and birth and being able to breastfeed and do some things I couldn't with twins (like take care of late feedings on my own without torturing DH with a lack of sleep too).  A bigger part of me wants to experience pregnancy again.  To enjoy that feeling, hopefully, without worry or the expectation of "high risk".  And another big part of me feels connected to those little frozen embryos and wonders if or how guilty I might feel if nothing comes of them.  

I am also so content and beyond happy with our girls.  I can imagine it just being the four of us.  I can imagine it would be fun to have a sibling for them also.  I know either way that things will be okay.  I just wish someone could decide for us.  I don't want to regret the opportunity to have another child after fighting so hard to have the ones that we do.

We will probably have to deal with the debate on what to do with the embryos in the long run either way.  We were lucky enough to have 11 embryos to freeze.  So with that, I also debate with myself how we will deal with those left...donation, research or destruction.  DH and I both don't agree with destroying them and I think we would both like to donate them but I'm not 100% sure our clinic allows embryo donation (they don't do cycles for it there).  But then there are the questions of how to deal with donation in regards to the girls.  Do we tell them?  Do embryo donation couples have an open relationship if the girls ever wanted to meet "siblings" or if the other couple wanted to know more about health history, etc?  Would the other couple even want to be open with their possible child? I guess there are a few debates going on.  But we will get to the second debate after we get through the first and even that one is on hold.

Birthday Video

I finally finished it.  I want to make an individual one for both of them but this will do for now.

Say what??

My best friend from high school (my first best friend) who has two kids already just called to tell me she is expecting twins.  The surprise kind.  As in she went to her first appointment at 7 weeks or so and was told there was only one (she says she had intuition there was two) and now at her 11 week appointment was told "actually there are two".  Her doctor (the same doctor I went to for the girls) believes that they are likely identical because they appear to be sharing the same gestational sac or placenta (whatever means identical).

Anyway she called me and told me the news and then joked she'd probably be calling more often to get advice and tips.  I told her that I went into it with only twins so it's a different ball game for her already having two kids.  She says that her youngest will be 3 and her oldest 5 when the twins are born so they won't be as much work.  I think she's still got rose colored glasses on if you ask me.  I am happy for her.  But there was a surprisingly big twinge of jealousy too.  I didn't expect that.  It's like the fact that the people I know with twins currently are those that I share a familiar bond through infertility with.  But this friend is the opposite of infertile...she gets pregnant the moment they start trying I swear and even claims to have gotten pregnant while on the pill with her first child.  I don't know it just makes me feel like I'm not really connecting on the "yeah it's twins" front with her yet...in fact I mostly feel a really big disconnect with this news.  Has anyone ever experienced this??  I mean hey it's only the first day so I'm sure it's just my initial gut reaction.

Weathering Storms...

During the holiday season I was unfortunate to learn of two couples that I am close to announcing impending divorces.  It breaks my heart for both of them and for their families.  Neither were announcements I expected really.  One came as a complete shock to me.  An old roommate mentioned a "new place" on facebook and I assumed that this meant she had moved with her husband and little boy.  I commented about it and received an email in return from her relating the divorce news and saying "it's been a very rough and sad year for us and our marriage couldn't weather the storm".  This is one of the women I mentioned in a previous post that this time last year had lost her little girl shortly after birth.  I know this has been part of their struggles and I don't know if there have been others but I imagine this type of thing could easily do a couple in.

Weathering the storm can sometimes be the hardest thing we can call on our loved ones or spouse to do.  Some people have thunderstorms and for whatever reason others are dealt hurricanes.  And sometimes it is the perception of the person or couple involved.  They say finances is a leading reason for divorce and I can see where this would easily lead the pack.  Everyone in a marriage has to deal with this.  But what about the storms that not every couple has to deal with like infertility, loss of a child, terminal illness, life altering challenges, etc.  I think of these as faith questioning trials.  I know not everyone goes into marriage with a religious aspect but I know a lot of us do.  And like finances I think this is even harder to find someone on the same page and depth as you are.  Then you throw in a big storm and you kind of wonder if you'll ever be on the same level again.

I know for Jeff and I that this was probably the biggest area of our life that has been affected.  We were pretty active in our church going into marriage and did the things we should but as my infertility diagnosis became more drastic and certain this became harder to maintain.  These have probably been the most heated discussions and disagreements we have had also and if there is anything that has ever made me question the strength of my marriage to overcome something it would to overcome these differences of opinion we now have.  But we've been weathering our storm (heck maybe it's even past) and fixing up the damage that the winds and rains caused.  I think we are in a good place and I am grateful that at least at this point in our marriage and life together we have weathered the storm and pulled through to be stronger.