Packing...Moving...Oh My!

We are moving.  Moving in basically a week.  Despite the fact that I've been packing boxes full of clothes, pictures, home decor and other items for storage this doesn't seem real.  We have lived in this home for almost four years.  They have been four good years.  We were fairly over the hardest part of infertility when we moved in...less depression and more proactive about saving and preparing for our future and our decision to try a donor egg IVF cycle.  Hopeful and scared to try but knowing it would be worth it.  Now four years later we are packing up our things and moving our lives and our dear daughters with us.  The only home they've known so far.

We had talked about moving for the last year or so.  We weren't in love with the location of our home, the schools in the area, the neighbors, etc.  Things that I think crossed our minds during our search four years ago but never really mattered as much...we honestly had no idea and weren't sure if we'd ever have children at the time we purchased the home.  Now we feel it would be a good trade to be able to buy during such a good market and low interest rates.  I initially thought I would love to move before the girls were up and moving...I wanted their first steps to be in the new home.  But that didn't happen.  And now we are temporarily moving in with Jeff's parents (about 45 minutes south) and we both really do hope it's a short stay.  So now all I really hope is to be settled with the girls into a new place by the end of the year.

They are such good girls and we are really so lucky.  They are both doing great.  We sold our fridge after a less than appropriate appraisal and re-negotiating of the contract so we have been living out of ice chests for a week.  It's been quite the adventure in creative cooking and meal planning.  The girls have been taking everything in stride though and although sometimes I think things make them anxious they are always okay as long as we are there for them.  It will be exciting to see the progress of things in the future for them.

15 months

Height/Weight:  Kendall is 30.8 inches and Seren is 30.6 inches (around 64%).  Kendall weighs 18 lb 7 oz (off the chart...skinny) and Seren weighs 20 lb 4 oz (14%).  We knew Kendall was skinny (and she was sick/little appetite the week before the appointment) but didn't know she wouldn't hit the chart...boo...we got tips on calorie packing and such though and doctor has no huge concern for her weight yet.

Eating:  They eat 3 meals a day and a snack before afternoon nap and an hour or so before dinner.  They are starting to use their utensils fairly well...they do best with the fork and pasta so far. 

Foods They Like:  They are getting more picky unfortunately.  They love almost all fruit...strawberries, oranges, grapes, applesauce, pineapple (Seren does not so much Kendall), etc.  They don't like veggies much right now...trying to work on this and offer them every day.  They love ham fried rice, pizza, zucchini bread, pancakes, etc.  

Foods They Don't:  vegetables are our problem food right now.  

Favorite Things:  They still love each other usually...some harassing and rough play has occurred.  They love to go outside.  They love to go into rooms and shut the door still.  Seren loves to run around.  Kendall is walking but more timid.  They like being chased and tickled.  They love taking baths.  They both love to cuddle more now.  Seren gives hugs and Kendall gives kisses.  I hope this isn't a short phase. Their favorite toy right now is their stacking cups or the picnic basket with shapes.

Dislikes:  Being hungry and tired.  Getting into trouble or being told "no".  Possibly teething again (at least for Kendall...I think she's getting a molar in).

Their Accomplishments:  Seren is walking and even almost running.  She is fearless and will stumble and fall and get right back up and go again.  Kendall is walking too but is very cautious and needs more confidence.  If she falls she usually gets upset and doesn't want to try again immediately.  They climb up stairs (supervised of course).  They seem to be understanding language more (ie "hug", "give me a kiss", "soft/gentle", "share" and of course "no" still brings on tears or sometimes laughter in Seren's case when she thinks it's a game).  They are so interactive with each other and I can't wait to see this grow.  They love to love on each other.  

Teeth:  Kendall has two bottom and three on top.  Seren has her two (almost three) bottom and four on top.

Our Accomplishments:  Still on a great schedule generally.  We make a great team.  I am always so grateful that Jeff is willing to put in the work to take care of them as well.  We are once again trying to sell the house so keeping it really clean with two cruisers is a challenge.  We have a great system though and are having more and more fun with the girls as they get bigger. 

Sleep:  Same bedtime routine and works like a charm (especially when a bath is included).  We have started putting them to bed a little later now that I'm not working at night.  They sleep between 11-12 hours at night.  Nap is cutting down to one a day (darn it) and they usually sleep 11 am to 1 pm or so.  Sometimes they still want a second nap but not usually.  

Looking forward to: Looking forward to warmer weather and getting them outside more again.  We've taken them to the park a couple times and they love it.  Yesterday they went on the swings for the second time.  Kendall loved the swing and Seren wasn't so sure.

All Over Again

I have been  thinking today of how much I enjoy my life.  I love being a mom.  I love having these two adorable girls who laugh and play and vie for my attention.  Okay sometimes (like during the kitchen remodel project we are in the middle of) I don't adore the endless need but the rest of the time it feels pretty darn great to be needed and wanted.  And to top it off I have a man that I still adore to share it all with and who puts up with my crazy ideas and projects (ie said kitchen).  I have it pretty dang great.  I am lucky.

I would do it all over again too.  Every step, every penny and every tear.  I used to complain about how hard the road was to get where we are.  But it has been so far beyond worth it that now I have no idea what I was whining about before.  I was even thinking about the cost side of things today and thinking it is such a small price to pay to experience such joy and happiness with our two wonderful daughters.  I hope they always know how special they are to us.

I am excited for the warm weather and sunshine we are having lately.  We have been outside with the girls a few times and it is so fun to see them get all excited about the sun and grass and freedom of being outside.  We are so blessed over and over again.

Disneyland 2012

Jeff's family has a tradition that every leap year those who are able to go to Disneyland together.  This year was my second year in attendance with them and of course Kendall and Seren's first.  They are 14 months old now so needless to say they didn't really love it and were even somewhat tortured with sleep deprivation.  But we survived a weekend and made it back home.  Looking forward to the next leap year when they will be 5 years old and have a much better time.

First Steps and Puppy Love

Seren has taken her first steps and is off and walking.  It is so fun to watch and to see her get more and more brave about the distance she will cross.  It's also fun to clap, encourage and congratulate her and watch the look of pride that comes across her face.  Kendall is close behind but she still likes to try to out run her legs with her body (lunging forward).  She will catch on soon enough though and we work with her on her balance.

Kendall is also recently in love with the dog.  I knew she would be as she's always been just a little more interested in him than Seren.  They both are always trying to grab him and pet him and he's so patient with them.  Really such a good dog.  This morning though Kendall decided to try to give him a kiss.  She made contact with the side of his belly before he ran away from her.  I didn't know if she did it on purpose so I sat her in my lap and called him over for her to pet.  After helping her pet him for a minute she leaned in again and this time (with me holding his collar) made contact with the top of his head.  This poor dog is going to get lots of love maulings in the future I think.

Just adore these girls so much.

I See Myself in You...

There are times with the donor egg aspect of parenthood that even those I love the most may say something that unintentionally hurts a little.  As Jeff and I were getting the girls ready for bed the other night he looked at Kendall and said something about how she does look a lot like him and "I see myself in you" and for a few moments it just really struck me and made me a little sad.  I don't ever want to take away from that marvel that my husband, along with many other parents, get to enjoy...seeing themselves in their children.  And although most days I take little to no note whether Kendall and Seren look anything like me (they probably don't and any similarity I see is most likely just my longing to see it) there are times that I wish just a little to have that connection too.

As I've thought about it over the last couple of days though I realize more and more that I do see myself in them.  Maybe not physically but as they develop and show more personality I feel like I can see my impact on that.  Jeff has told me a few times that they will be very affectionate and say "I love you" a lot because that is how I am with them (his family is a little more shy on the lovey side of things).  I hope so.  And I hope that the older they get the more I will be able to see my personality and that side of things in them (not to say that they won't be their own person...obviously they will).  But I also believe we cultivate and influence the stronger development of this through our parenting.  I see myself in the way that they will interact with the world and I hope that this will be a good influence.

Infertility in the Media...

It always kind of surprises me how much even the subject of infertility in the media hits home for me.  My husband and I have been watching How I Met Your Mother on NetFlix (at the long recommendation of our friends) and once we got over how annoying the main character can be and how funny the others are it's been pretty good.  Well (spoiler alert) we are in the current season 7 now and just watched the episode where Robin "accidentally" found out she is infertile and will never have kids.  Watching the scene where she meets with the doctor to hear this news was like flashback feeling for me.  I felt emotional for her character and also remembering our own meeting with the doctor 5 years ago.  In the episode she is telling this story to her future children and then you find out half-way through they are her imaginary children because she never has children.  I don't know it was just sad to see her dealing with it while her best friend, Lilly, is pregnant and baby shopping.  The episode got over and I just said to Jeff "well that sucked" and we joked a little about how Robin should learn more about donor egg, donor sperm or adoption and still have kids if she wants.  We still have the season and series (when they get to it) to finish and now I find myself routing for my second to least favorite character on the show to end up with a happy ending.

I know it shouldn't surprise me but it always does the emotional gut reaction I have when I watch these sort of shows or hear these stories.  It really is true that infertility can be like PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) and that things just trigger those emotions all over again.  I wonder if it ever really goes away.