We each have a journey...

I'm not offended (I don't think...okay a little but not at specific people...just the idea of it).  It's been an interesting and/or rough week for one reason or another.  Of course it's true that life does not become a piece of cake once you have a child or children. I am still infertile (no I'm not previously infertile;  I'm definitely without a doubt pretty much sterile).  Infertility changes your life and your perspective and the life and perspective of your spouse (therefore the makeup of your relationship) and who knows who else.  It's not like pregnancy or children just remove everything that lead up to them.  And yes I'm happy about having children.  Do you honestly want me to keep living and blogging like this wonderful side of my life hasn't happened?   How I ironically take birth control even though I don't need to prevent anything because nothing is going to happen?  Do you want me to keep blogging about how I hate pregnant women?  Honestly I still don't really like the ones that get there easy...but then I realize and tell myself I don't know how they got there.  Sometimes I still have envy of those that get pregnant from a roll in the hay instead of handing over their bank roll.  Heck...guess what infertiles...sometimes I get jealous of those that have been pregnant on their own even if they lost the child.  At least you have some shred of hope that you can conceive on your own.  I can't even do that.  But do I feel spite at you or even seemingly regular pregnant women for it...no.

But seriously, no matter what side of the fence we are on with infertility we all have our journey.  Some are shorter and some are longer.  Some start out on the path to one destination and end up in an entirely different location at the end.  We don't all have the same issues.  We definitely do not all have the same path.  How boring would that be or painful or agonizing.  Because yes there are infertile stories that I read and think how I'm grateful I wasn't there or on my journey to kids for several years (3 years was enough thank you).  But life's journey doesn't just stop at having kids either.  And life's journey is not just all about having kids.  We are all going to have hardships and difficulty and joy and happiness that are not even related to this infertile story we all have to tell.

It just reminds me of an article (a series of articles) that I read the other day about the writer (a woman/mom/worker) who was berated because of complaints she made against her babysitter.  People were ruthless against her and her choices in parenting and her ideas and lifestyle.  And what it boiled down to for her was that each of these people had their choices and lives and she respected (or said she did) theirs so her thought was..."We're all in this 'club' together, so why are we not each others' greatest cheerleaders?".

And that's what I think of the complaints from one infertile blog I've read this morning (and others I've read like it in the past).  We are all infertiles.  Having children does not make us fertile.  Having struggles to have children and other circumstances makes us infertile.  It's not like you leave the club or get kicked out (at least I would hope not but after my readings maybe you do) when you are lucky enough to have kids.  Whatever side of the fence we are on doesn't determine our level of support or empathy or understanding for one another.  Does it?

I keep up on various blogs.  I skim many infertile blogs but  I do keep my perusing to a select circumstance usually (I don't have all day to read blogs).  So yes I usually read blogs from other POF/POI gals with my same diagnosis, to women who are using or contemplating use of donor eggs, to women pregnant from donor egg and to mothers of donor egg children.  I want to be able to champion and support those who are still working towards children, I want to be able to cheer for those on their way and I want to learn from those who are in a similar situation or steps ahead in the journey from me.  I realize that some obviously feel and think differently than I do...once again wouldn't it be boring if we didn't.  So I don't expect people to keep me around if I don't fit into their criteria for blog reading but for hell's sake don't bitch me or other infertiles out for being lucky enough to have children and for enjoying them (we may still be some of your 'cheerleaders').