How to Deal...

Lately I wonder about two things: how I will deal with it if my close friend gets pregnant before me (and especially if I don't) and how I will deal with it if I get pregnant before her. This is my friend who is dealing with PCOS. I know, basically by matter of she told me a while back, that she would stop the birth control pills at the end of January. So I'm sure at this point they are trying again. I have no idea if the new medication she's taking is helping. I don't have the guts or heart to ask her. I don't want to be nosey either...heaven knows having seen this side of things "when are you going to have kids?" is the last question I want to ask. But I worry about this a little. I think I would take her announcing a pregnancy okay if it were before our chance comes but I think I would be devastated inside if things didn't work and I knew it would be a while before we had another chance. I hope I could outwardly be excited and happy for her but I know it would be very hard. I also think about the possible scenario of me getting pregnant before her. I wonder if she would be happy for us or if she would be upset because of her struggle so far...despite Jeff and I being on this road longer. I wouldn't blame her for being upset and when I think of the possible positive for us I also think of how I would tell her. It's ridiculous but sometimes I worry that she would openly say something about the unfairness or such...I don't know how I could handle being her friend if she couldn't be happy for me eventually. Oh well...it's a ways off yet and there's no sense in worrying over milk that hasn't even spilt.