Thoughts of Pregnancy -- Post Pregnancy

I have thought about my post pregnancy thoughts more so recently.  Like how I feel about having any possibility of my own genetic children after having our beautiful girls.  I hope I don't offend anyone by saying this.  I know we all come from different experiences and situations.  Some have children prior to taking the route of donor egg children, some only have the option of donor egg children and some still feel a desire for a genetic child after having a donor egg child.  We all have the right to feel how we do and pursue our desires how we see fit.  So where do I fall?

When I consider the very slim chance of getting pregnant on my own the only thing I really think would be great is not having a team of doctors involved with the conception and not having to have needles stuck in my back side daily for 10-12 weeks straight.  I would also love to not have to take hormones for the rest of my life in hopes that I don't end up with osteoporosis or other POF/POI side effects.

I used to imagine how I would love for my body to kick into gear after pregnancy and possibly get pregnant without intervention.  I believe Jeff and I used to talk about how I wouldn't use birth control then either and we'd just see what happened.  But after having Kendall and Seren, I can honestly say that I have no real desire to have a genetic child.  I can't imagine feeling any more connected to one or more love towards one or whatever reason it is that makes us want to perpetuate our own DNA.  Most days I forget that these girls don't share any of my genetics.  And even more so I wonder how they would feel if we were to have a genetic child.  Not that any parent would ever treat their children differently or feel different towards them.  But then I wonder...would they somehow feel second best?  Just the thought of it diminishing their importance (even if it were just a feeling they had or quietly never expressed) makes me think I would never pursue that.  I couldn't be more lucky than in having them.

3 Months Old

 Weight:  No official measurements until May.  We are estimating around 11 lbs or so each with the scale method.  We hold them, weigh and then put them down and weigh again.

Eating:   They eat about 5 oz every time now.  Every 3 to 4 hours.  We had them stretched out to 5 oz every 4 hours but then I think Kendall hit a growth spurt last week so it went to every 3hours and then once at 2 1/2 hours.  I tried putting a little rice cereal in their formula during the day when I could keep an eye on their reactions.  This seemed to help but now that we are back to at least 3 hours I am laying off.  

Favorite Things:  Mom and Dad (still) of course.  Sleeping.  Walks...okay they sleep through these usually too.  I think it will be fun when it's warmer and they can sit up on their own really well.  I plan to trade out strollers at this point.  Music and dancing around with mom.  I threw on the children's CD while making dinner  last week and played head, shoulders, knees and toes with them...they seemed to like it. 

Dislikes:  Being hungry and pooping.  

Their Accomplishments:   They do well at tummy time.  Both of them are starting to lift their heads and some of their upper body really well.  They are also improving on head/neck control when we hold them.  They are smiling more frequently (especially when they are hungry and we show up with bottles).  We have heard little chuckles out of both of them but can't wait for a real full belly laugh.  They are getting into a schedule for naps and sleeping which is really nice. 

Our Accomplishments:  We are getting better at routines for bedtime and this has helped out tremendously. They usually go down around 9 pm without too much of a fight.  We don't get out a lot still (like stores and shopping...easier to just go alone) but we do go to family and friend events.  I'm also more comfortable talking about the infertility side of things when people ask if twins were a surprise (nope...they usually aren't when you have help).

Sleep:  They are doing better and better at this (usually).  We now feed them and then bath them or at least put them in some warm water (with a little baby oil to prevent drying) almost every night, then change them to clean pajamas and put them down.  This usually is a half-hour to 45 minute routine between readying bottles to actually having them quiet or asleep.  Then they sleep until 2 am usually (5 hours).  Last night they fell asleep around 9:30 pm and slept until 3:30 am so we are getting closer to that blissful night when they will sleep through the night.

Seren - 3 months old

Kendall - 3 months old

Seren's First Laugh

I was recording Seren on our Flip camera the other day.  She is very social and loves to play and smile at us.  So while Kendall was wrapping up her nap we played.  I was making all sorts of faces at her and getting her reactions on camera.  Then all of the sudden she chuckled a little.  Not much but what I would say is her first laugh (pause the music to the side before playing).

Jeff said that Kendall laughed for him yesterday too but I can never get her on camera.  I can't even catch her smiling on camera because it seems she gets shy or preoccupied with the camera being around.  She loves to observe things around her and is very aware when the camera comes out...little stinker hehe  I can't wait to hear full bellied laughs from both of them.  They are so much fun and love them so much.

Parenthood Top Ten...and "sleep parenting"

With all of the busy non-stop go world of twins (okay nap time is still allowing for some mommy time) I sometimes notice fun mom things I get to do these days:

1.  I pick my child's nose at the store and think nothing of it (she has a cold and she had to breathe).
2.  I talk to both my kiddos while grocery shopping like they actually have a clue what I'm saying.
3.  I talk to myself...apparently it helps keep my sanity.
4.  I don't notice #3 so much until I'm with Jeff's family and they point it out.
5.  I make up some pretty great kids songs on the fly...my favorite "I Like To Be Held By Mommy" (I'm thinking I should sign a record deal HAHA)
6.  My idea of being productive means I got a shower in today and if I'm lucky did some laundry too before they woke up.
7.  I reorganize the front room just to have some variety in life
8.  I have children's books but sometimes I read my own books out loud to the girls just so I can fit it in
9.  Jeff and I are so excited that for the last 4 nights the girls have slept for a four hour chunk...it's the most solid sleep we have had in over two months.

And best of all...

10.  Jeff and I have both had "sleep burpings", "sleep feeding" and general "sleep parenting".  This is where we have woken up in the middle of the night trying to feed, burp or tend to children that are sleeping in their cribs.   I have woken up to Jeff patting me and trying to burp me.  Then another night it was him sitting up turning around and trying to feed an invisible child.  In general when I "sleep parent" it is simply waking up and searching the bed cause I could swear we fell asleep with them in it (this has never actually happened).

The joys of parenting :)  Really it is all fun (okay most of it is fun) but totally life changing of course.

2 Months Old

The girls are 2 months old today.  They have survived.  We have survived.  Things are much more routine now and work much better.  Seren started smiling at us yesterday.  She smiled before but never really in our direction.  Now she likes to play copy me and I'll copy you.  Kendall is smiling but I'm not sure she smiles at us yet.  They seem to be more aware of each other too.  It's fun to imagine how the interactions might go.  We went to see my friends baby at the hospital last night and when we came home the girls were getting cranky for dinner.  They were side by side in the bouncers and Kendall began fussing and crying so I went to pick her up.  As I did I noticed Seren follow me with her eyes and the moment I picked up Kendall and not her she was upset.  Her lip pouted and then she began to full on cry.  This is the first real time I've noticed them noticing each other.

Weight:  No official measurements still until March 2nd.   We are guessing around 9.5  lbs  for Seren and 9 lbs for Kendall.  They have grown out of their newborn clothes (last week sometime).

Eating:   They eat almost equally in speed now and both usually clean up 4 oz each time.  

Favorite Things:  Mom and Dad of course.  Sleeping.  They like their bouncers.  Swings...although it just puts them to sleep.  Thor (or min pin chihuahua mix)...when he is close enough to see they both love to just stare at him.  I've also had them pet him and they seem to like it...as does Thor since he tries to kiss/lick their hand afterwards. 

Dislikes:  Being hungry and pooping

Their Accomplishments:   They both follow us with their eyes very well.  They follow even when we are further across the room and not in front of them.  Sometimes they get upset when we leave the room (I know they don't miss us...just think we've dropped off the face of the earth according to my child development classes in college hehe).  They have been smiling in general.  Seren started noticeably smiling at us yesterday and does it more often now.  Kendall hasn't noticeably smiled at us but is the most content and patient baby (unless she's starving hehe).  

Our Accomplishments:  We take them out more frequently.  We took them to the hospital with us...although we had to take turns sitting in the hall with them.  I actually made it out on my own with them yesterday too.  I loaded them up and took them to my old retail work for coworkers to see, quite efficiently too I must say (1/2 hour to change diapers, car seat them and arrive with 5+ minute drive time).  Next stop my prior/current health info job for a visit.  I definitely have confidence to do this more often now.  I also flew solo doing bath time today. 

Sleep:  We have a sleep pattern down.  Not necessarily routine...I still want to work in story time and maybe bath time when they are older.  But we feed them around 10:00-10:30pm and then they go down without much fuss.  We've tried not to rock them to sleep or anything fancy so they would learn to put themselves to sleep.  It's finally paying off.  Yeah!  Seren has been a great sleeper now.  She hasn't seen the swing for bedtime in well over a week, maybe two, it seems...which makes my mommy heart happy.  It used to be the only way to calm her down and get her to sleep.  They sleep good and wake every 3 to 3 1/2 hours to eat and then go right back to sleep generally.  They take a two hour nap after breakfast generally and then we try to play for an hour before lunch and then after lunch they usually sleep for 3 hours until their next meal time.  Then nap again between dinner and bedtime for an hour or two and then off to bed after changing and late meal.  It seems to be good for them and definitely for us.

 Kendall - 2 months old

Seren - 2 months old

Not the Architect...

I had a thought today as I was hanging out with the girls and just loving on them and admiring them.  I was thinking about the article I posted last time and how it says that the egg and sperm are what make the "blueprint" but the mother's body is what creates the child.  Well anyway I may not be the architect but I think I make one hell of a contractor and builder. 

 Aren't they the cutest?

 I've been trying to get a picture of them holding hands and this is the closest we came :) haha

Article about Donor IVF

I found this article through following a blog which linked to another which had this posted on their site.  I found it interesting and explanatory of egg donation and other methods or ART where a donor is needed. 

Myths and Reality of the “Donation”
from the online booklet – OOCYTE DONATION, By Cara Birrittieri, Mary M. Fusillo, RN, BSN, MS, and Georgia Witkin, PhD

You probably learned the following in your high school biology class, but most of us need a review to dispel many of the myths around baby making and making a baby with a donated egg. 

To create an embryo that will grow into a healthy child, you need genetic material from two different gene pools. The combined genetic material instructs the developing fetus to become a boy or a girl, tall or short, have curly hair or straight, blue eyes or brown.

Myth number 1
Fifty percent of the genetic material is delivered by a sperm cell. Most men think their sperm is carrying their own characteristics. This is the first myth. Actually their sperm is carrying genetic material from their entire gene pool (parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.). If the particular sperm that delivered the genetic material for your baby is carrying DNA for characteristics expressed in the father or sperm donor, the baby may resemble him. If, however, that particular sperm is carrying certain characteristics from great uncle Harry for a little girl with curly blonde hair and blue eyes, his daughter may look nothing like him with his straight dark hair and brown eyes. It’s the luck of the draw. Each sperm cell carries an entirely different combination of genes from the man’s ancestors.

The same of course is true for eggs or ova. Any given egg can contain genes from any group of ancestors — those that resemble the woman donating the eggs or those ancestors who look nothing like her. That means the genetic material in a donor’s egg may give instructions for a child to develop with very different features than the egg donor herself. (This has important implications when choosing an egg donor, which is discussed later). Once the two sets of genes combine, another step determines which traits will actually arise in the developing fetus and child. When the genes come together they all interact, some turn on and some turn off, so in reality, there is no telling which gene will do the instructing, and who your child will act like, look like, or sound like.

Think of a family that you know. If each genetic contribution in a child were an exact duplicate of their parent’s genes, all the girls and all the boys in the family would be clones of one another. The fact is that each egg and sperm contains a different combination of genes, and each time they unite a unique individual is created. That is why within the same family there might be some tall children, or short, some brown hair, or blond, some looking like one parent, or some who look like neither. Indeed, the only exception to this rule is identical twins. Their genes are identical because a single embryo splits in two, duplicates and develops as two people with the same genetic makeup. Everyone else has his or her own genetic combination or code. This is also why genetic testing is so accurate.

Myth number 2
Now here’s the part that may surprise you. Although this medical procedure is called “ovum donation,” the recipient does not receive someone’s egg in her uterus. This belief is another myth. Once the genetic material from the sperm and the egg has melded, the work of the sperm and the egg is done. The combined material duplicates itself and two new cells are created. The material duplicates again, and now you have four new cells. They double and there are eight. Soon there will be a ball of new cells — the beginning of a new human being (an embryo). When a woman gets pregnant on her own, this duplication process begins in the fallopian tube. When a donor egg is used, it happens in the IVF laboratory and the embryo(s) are transferred to the recipient’s uterus when it is about the same size it would be coming from the fallopian tube. It is that ball of cells (embryo), not someone else’s egg, which hopefully implants into the recipient’s uterine wall and begins to grow into a fetus.

Myth number 3
Perhaps the greatest myth surrounds pregnancy. Many believe the uterus is simply an incubator. Nothing could be further from the truth. The most important aspect of all pregnancies — including egg donation pregnancies — is that as the fetus grows, every cell in the developing body is built out of the pregnant mother’s body. Tissue from her uterine lining will contribute to the formation of the placenta, which will link her and her new child. The fetus will use her body’s protein, and then she will replace it. The fetus uses her sugars, calcium, nitrates, and fluids, and she will replace them. So, if you think of your dream child as your dream house, the genes provide merely a basic blueprint, the biological mother takes care of all the materials and construction, from the foundation right on up to the light fixtures. So, although her husband’s aunt Sara or the donor’s grandfather may have genetically programmed the shape of a new baby’s earlobe, the earlobe itself is the pregnant woman’s “flesh and blood.” That means the earlobe, along with the baby herself, grew from the recipient’s body. That is why she is the child’s biological mother. That is why this child is her biological child.

Many recipients ask, “Is the baby actually my flesh and blood?” Not literally. No baby is really its mother’s flesh and blood because the truth is that every fetus builds its own flesh and its own blood. Still you might wonder, “If it was my own egg, wouldn’t the baby then have my blood?” No. The baby might inherit your blood type, but would still be making its own blood, just as it makes its own skin and hair texture, and nails and teeth. Besides, with or without egg donation, the baby might have inherited his or her blood type from the father’s gene pool. Think of it this way: every baby is a complete, self-contained, unique human being. You will meet this person when he or she is born. To try to sort out the genetic contributions at that point is like trying to break a cake down into flour, sugar, water, and yeast after it has been baked. It is now a cake, no longer separate ingredients.