Shopping Cart Rant...

I am on a mission to make shopping safer for my girls.  Shopping goes something like this for me:  one girl goes in the basket seat (always belted in) and one girl is placed in the cart and reminded repeatedly to sit down and forced to sit down and reminded again.  Sometimes if they are restless enough I will hold this one on my hip and steer with one hand.  Fun shopping trip let me tell ya.  Yep some stores have double seated carts and I can tell you that I haven't had the luxury of shopping at one recently.  And the stores that have them often don't have enough and they are used up (sometimes by single child shoppers...grrrrrrr!!)  No offense to anyone who shops with one child and throws them in the "fun" cart with the car on the front or such but come on people some of us actually need a cart that fits two kiddos.  Grrrrrr I say again.  And some two seaters aren't even fit or meant for smaller toddlers.  Case in point Target store two seaters in our area have a basic box that you can strap two kids into and I've used one and felt like my girls were going to fall out.  Not to mention the dang cart is a royal pain to maneuver.  Ughhhh!  And this doesn't even bring up the fact sooooo many have broken or missing seat belts.  Seriously?!

Today was my last straw though.  The girls and I went to Target to get my prescriptions and due to my above stated hatred of their two seaters I opted to put them in a cart.  Kendall sat belted in the basket seat and Seren in the cart.  Seren loves to stand up and I repeatedly placed her on her bum and told her to sit.  And she would almost immediately stand up again and grin at me.  She knew I didn't want her to stand but she didn't understand why.  Not until it was too late.  We were at the prescription pick up counter and Seren was standing in the cart that wasn't moving, the pharmacy tech asked me a question and I moved the cart to hear her and out toppled Seren.  Flat on her back on the hard tile of the store.  I dropped everything in my hands and picked her up in an instant.  I couldn't have felt more guilty.  I was beyond grateful and a little embarrassed when she clutched me and started wailing.  I looked her over for injuries and apologized to her over and over for being a moron of a  mother.  Things happen.  I am so grateful she wasn't seriously hurt.  And now, researching an idea to make a seatbelt for the cart, and reading about the number of children who end up in emergency rooms from similar falls (from the cart or basket seat) I am even more grateful she is okay and also embarrassed that I let it happen. 

Yes I'm the moron who let it happen.  But I'm still pissed off at stores for having very little or poor solutions to the problem (especially when twins are so much more prevalent these days).

Don't let kids stand up in carts...ever (moving or not).  Find a better way.  When I find or invent my better way I will let you know.  Until then I will be shopping with our stroller or in the hours that hubby can keep one or both girls at home.

July 4th, The Zoo and Our Monkeys...

Just wanted to share some recent stories with the girls (mostly for my own good).  We enjoyed a great 4th of July this year.  We are still living with my in-laws (hoping for a resolution on this short sale in the next month or so and closing the month after...we'll see).  So anyway we walked to the park near their home about a mile or so away and enjoyed some accapella performers...okay somewhat.  The girls got restless and didn't want to sit still.  On one occasion at picking up and redirecting Seren she must have gotten frustrated because she bit my shoulder...hard, leaving a bruise as of today.  She felt bad afterwords and starting bawling when I handed her off to Jeff.  But after that we decided it was best to leave Jeff's family and let the girls roam around on the grass.  When it got darker we attempted to rejoin the family but it wasn't to be.  We threw Kendall and Seren into the stroller and walked them around the park, actually ending up in the perfect spot for the fireworks by accident.  They enjoyed them.  Seren was a little nervous of the cherry bomb type and clung to me a few times.  But eventually they both loved them.  They stared at the sky with wonder and pointed to them and babbled.  It was adorable.

Seren sitting on Grandma D

Patriotic Kendall - I LOVE this picture

4th of July Firework watching (poor camera = poor picture)

Also we recently took Seren and Kendall to the zoo with the grandparents.  They also enjoyed this much more than they did last year, as you would expect.  They stared at animals and laughed when we could find one close enough to a window to watch (orangutan and polar bear).  We even tried to get them to talk to the monkeys by imitating a monkey.  Seren didn't care but Kendall caught right on and copied us with some higher pitched "ooohhh ahhhh ahhhh" sound making.  It was so funny.  I wish we would have gotten it on video. 

At the zoo...enjoying themselves despite the heat (can you tell I don't bring my good camera on outtings haha)

I think they are starting to catch onto verbalizing a little better.  I still worry they are behind but hopefully they will be talking our ears off soon.  You can definitely hear them trying to imitate what we say to them though so that is a great jumping off point I'm sure.

18 Months

Height/Weight:  Kendall: 32.76 inches (81%), 20 lb 11 oz (6%)...yeah! she hit the chart again and 46.1 cm head circ (38%).  Seren: 31.85 inches (57%), 21 lb 14.5 oz (16%) and 47.7 cm head circ (81%).  Seren was freaking out at being measured so her's may be off somewhat. 

Eating:  They eat 3 meals a day and a snack before afternoon nap and an hour or so before dinner.  They are starting to use their utensils fairly well...pasta, oatmeal, applesauce (I really need to let go on the mess it makes haha)

Foods They Like:  They are doing better about being picky (I think...depends on the day).  They love almost all fruit including prunes and grapefruit juice (thanks Grandma and Grandpa D haha).  They like some veggies okay...carrots, tomatoes, zucchini, etc.  They love ham fried rice, pizza, zucchini bread, pancakes, and their new favorite is this pasta dish (tomatoes and all), etc.  

Foods They Don't:  broccoli, avocado, etc. 

Favorite Things:  They love being at Grandma and Grandpa's house (the extra attention).  They love going outside and playing in the water (Seren literally begs me to dump water on her).  They love the dog...they both chase after him trying to hug or kiss him.  They play well together.  Kendall is starting to pick up on Seren's assertiveness and pushes Seren out of the way if she picks on her (somewhat happy she's sticking up for herself with Seren now but we still correct them both for pushing, etc).  Kendall loves hair things and insists on having them in her hair despite the fact it is taking it's sweet time growing.

Dislikes:  Being hungry and tired.  Getting into trouble or being told "no".  Teething for Seren (3 molars at once poor kid).

Their Accomplishments:  They both go up and down stairs pretty well.  Such a relief.  They are walking and nearly running now.  They talk but not nearly like the books and checklists say they should (10-20 words by 18 months).  They say a handful of words...picking up on "doggie", "boo" and "water" (I think).  They understand so many words though which is great.  Seren became interested in the grown-up toilet a week or so ago and I showed them both how it worked/flushed.  Then we've been offering to let them use the grown-up toilet before bathtime (with a training seat) and Seren has peed a couple times on it.  I am not toilet training but want them to get used to the idea and not be scared of it (plus hoping to avoid training potties and as much clean up).

Teeth:  Kendall has three on bottom, four on top and two left molars (weird order to her teeth).  Seren has four bottom, four on top and four molars (three cutting right now and one mostly in; gotten them in standard order).

Our Accomplishments:  Usually on a good schedule.  We take them out with us whenever we need to.  We still work well together.  

Sleep:  They sleep 12-13 hours at night and one 2 hour nap.  Routine has been key to this.  They usually are in bed by 7:30 pm.  But they hate to sleep at night if they know a "party" is going on (so Sunday nights with family dinners they usually don't sleep until 8:30 or 9:00p).

Looking forward to:  Full confidence in the stairs (although I'm sure there will still be topples).  Their being able to feed themselves better without mess making.  Hoping for better eating habits too.  We are also still sitting on the short sale we made an offer on so really hoping to get the go ahead on this soon (at least another 3 weeks out we're told : P yuck)

Seren hiding behind a chair 

 Kendall getting ready to run through sprinklers

 Letting go of control...

...so far it's been very messy :) haha

Having it all...

How can I possibly want more when I already have it all?  That is the question that keeps running through my mind this morning.  Jeff and I decided that we would have our "discussion" this week while his parents are away so that we don't have to worry about them over hearing things.  Decisions.  Real decisions.  I don't know.  I feel like I don't even know what I want anymore.  For so many months I felt so strongly that I wanted to have one more baby.  And as the girls have been growing and we've been enjoying them so much I keep thinking...what if that throws things off?  What if this happy equilibrium that we are at right now is not so perfect once we throw in a third child?  Right now I picture us growing up together with these beautiful girls and daddy daughter dates and times where we can split them up between us and get lots of one-on-one time with them.  Would that be so easy if there were a third?  But I also think of how much I have wanted more kids in the past and if maybe I'm just scared to try again.  I think of our frozen embryos.  Possibilities of life put on hold.  Waiting.  Waiting for us to make decisions.  What if in the eternal scheme of things I let them down?  What if we make a decision and later regret it?  It's not like we can go back and do this all over again.  The cost alone would be a big enough deterrent much less all the genetic connection and such that I would want another child to have also.

What if we decide to try to have another child and it doesn't work?  What if we (or maybe just I) get my hopes wrapped up in the process again and we don't get pregnant?  What if it changes my 70/30 split towards having another child into a 99/1 split and Jeff doesn't want to try again.  Do I leave myself more open for heartache?  I don't know.

I think a lot too of the couples that we could help.  We are satisfied and happy with our life and could give soooo much happiness to someone else.  I think of friends and acquaintances that I know who struggle with infertility.  I know how hard it is and the memory of that kind of heartache is still fresh when I look back on it.  I know (or at least I believe) that it would make me just as happy to have someone with infertility succeed at having a child with our embryos as it would for me to have another child.  Although I do have some worry that I might be a little envious at the same time.  I think the overwhelming feeling would be happiness for them and for that child...that life that was created for the purpose of being born and living.

I have been trying to think and look into all aspects.  I've talked to our clinic about our choices and I've been reading on the Miracles Waiting website and I've been thinking and trying to feel out how I feel about having another child.  I would love another baby.  But I also love the babies (who aren't so much babies anymore) that we have.  I honestly just haven't come to a decision still and while Jeff has mostly come to his decision he isn't completely opposed to another if it's what I want.  I kind of just feel like there isn't a right or wrong answer to this.  Which is making this decision so hard to try to make.  The debate goes on for now.

Trouble Times Two...

I am starting to feel a little stir crazy.  I want to be on our own again.  There are pros and cons to our arrangement and I'm not complaining that we are able to save money for a down payment and I'm not complaining against my in-laws as they have been absolutely wonderful hosts.  But I am ready to have independence and a house I don't have to clean up after each little playtime and nap and toddler proofing to my liking not just enough to save their hides and a schedule that isn't thrown off at the whim of grandparents who want to take them walking.

We've had the grape juice scare...Seren found a mostly empty glass of grape juice in the computer room and came to proudly show it to me while I was changing Kendall's diaper in the front room.  Grape juice was slung over brand new carpet (literally a month or two old).  Thank goodness it all came out or at least to the point you can't tell and my in-laws weren't upset and hopefully keep these treasures out of reach more often now.  Then came the spiral stair case that comes out of the floor fire-house-like except with carpet.  The girls weren't interested much at first and we blocked the entry with a chair but they soon found it was fun to stick a leg out and wiggle it while mom rushed to stop them.  This lasted two days before Seren (see the trouble maker here haha) stuck her leg out while I was holding Kendall a few feet away and when Seren went to step down discovered the step wasn't close and toppled right through the railing and half way down the stairs giving me a heart attack in the process as when she came to stop on her back with her head hanging over the edge that I thought if she moved she'd fall the 4 feet + to the basement.  Oh and then we had a comet scare last week...the girls got a hold of a canister of comet while I was throwing stuff in the car for a weekend getaway and it was flung over the front room.  I freaked out at first thinking they had swallowed some or gotten some in their eyes or such and wondering where on earth they found it.  Thank goodness none of the above happened and a little vacuuming took care of the clean up.  We've had dish soap with lids broken off moved out of reach, dish detergent in capsules hid and re-hid, spiral stairs wrapped in rope to prevent more falls, chairs and furniture moved to block trouble and drawers rearranged to keep curious hands out of jewelry, etc.  I had no idea it required so much rearranging to child proof things.  And bless their hearts all of these has been happily done to accommodate these grandchildren.  Like I said this is nothing against my in-laws.  I simply am ready to child proof in a way that doesn't feel like an inconvenience for anyone else.

We have an offer on a short sale and we're in first position so we wait to hear from the bank.  Meanwhile I look at houses and real estate websites and try to otherwise occupy my time when the girls are napping.  I hope that this is a short transition and I hope that we are not wearing out any welcome yet or that we even get to that point.  Just me.  Rambling on about the mischief two little 17 month old girls can get into.

Something right...

I am sitting in an empty house tonight (well me and the girls are home...oh and the dog).  Jeff is out of state for the week with training and my in-laws are gone until Thursday night.  Kendall just randomly woke up crying and now I'm killing time after checking on them before I can continue my movie.

I am loving this stage of them growing up.  Most of it.  They are definitely developing attitudes and I don't care for the tantrums and neediness but I am so loving the tenderness and the giggles and other pieces of their personality that are shining through.  Kendall and Seren are eager to be held and given attention and are pretty darn great at giving affection too.  Kendall will often turn and give us big kisses as we finish dressing her in the morning.  Both of them will give random hugs to us and sometimes to each other.  Seren has started showing excitement for her favorite people by running into their arms (mostly daddy and grandma lately).

But the things that make me happy and think "hey maybe we're doing something right" are the times when I catch them caring for each other.  A week or so ago the girls were climbing up the stairs and Seren beat Kendall to the top and through the baby gate.  Once Kendall was close enough, Seren (who had waited patiently for her sister) was reaching out to Kendall and literally trying to help her.  When Kendall made it through the gate Seren gave her a hug and kiss on the head and then ran off.  I watched them from a step or two down and just melted.

Last night we took the girls swimming (they didn't freak out...yeah!! They hated the water last year) and when we got home and were getting ready for dinner Kendall had a mild meltdown.  Seren came walking across the kitchen right away and leaned down and hugged Kendall.  Kendall stopped crying (maybe it helped or maybe it was shock haha) and Jeff and I both expressed gratitude to Seren for being nice so then of course she gave Kendall another hug or two (haha she's a people pleaser).

Kendall is also very good with Seren.  She will give Seren the toy they both want.  She gives more random kisses to Seren...she's not big on the hugs yet.  But you can see them looking after each other and it just makes me feel good.  I think perhaps we are (hopefully) doing something right and teaching them how they should treat others and especially to look out for one another.  Such sweet blessings to watch them grow.

Recent pictures...

Just wanted to share some recent pictures that I absolutely adore of these two cuties...

 Kendall

Seren

PS  I love that photoshop allows me to "erase" runny noses and food stains from clothing.