Life After The Rain...

I have changed the title of the blog (maybe you noticed; maybe you don't care).  I'm still working on a new look too but we'll see how that falls.  I considered changing the URL name also but then decided to stick with that at least.  It's the URL I started out with and it's still how I see this turning of events and life.  I still love the idea of Learning To Dance In The Rain but I felt like it was time for the title to reflect how I feel about our life and situation now.  We took a while learning to dance in the rain and now our life (at least for now) has a couple of pretty awesome rainbows in it.  It's not to say that another rain storm won't come our way.  Life is full of them.  Hopefully we'll remember all the lessons and strength and perseverance that we gained from our first big rainstorm (honestly it felt like a monsoon).

I still plan to write about my thoughts regarding infertility, donor egg aspects and POI/POF but I think it is rather difficult to not have a morphing of my blog when my life has morphed so much itself.  Thanks for anyone out there in reader land for hopefully understanding that.

Donor Egg Books

The other night I read the One More Giraffe book to the girls.  I received this book when it was introduced to the PVED board and free copies were offered.  I was recently pregnant with the twins and had been looking into ways to introduce and talk about the donor egg aspect of their make-up as they grew up.  There isn't a lot out there sadly.  I enjoy the simpleness of this book and the matter of fact way it has of dealing with the topic.  It's definitely not written for adults, as I find it kind of corny and brief, but I think it's a good introduction for young kids.  I also love the idea of Mommy's Garden shared by Keiko (from another friend of hers).  I don't expect that the girls will really have in depth questions about it until they are older and understand more about biology and how babies may typically happen for other families.

 I hope I'm prepared for the simple side of things in the meantime.  I definitely have no shame about how we were given the best gift ever and how through that we were able to have these beautiful girls.  I have no doubt that they are my children and I am there mom.  I hope they never doubt that either.  I hope that they never feel shame over their unique story.  I know that we are a huge part and impact on how they will accept it and themselves.  I don't want us to treat it like a huge deal because it's not.  It's how life came to us and it's how we decided to pursue a family and I couldn't be more grateful that the technology and ability for us to take that route was there.

My question for any donor egg mom's or those pursuing or thinking of it....Are there any books you recommend??  Thank you.

7 Months Old

Weight:  As of their last appointment on the 22nd... Seren was a little over 27" (82%) and 15 lb 3 oz (21%).  She grew the most this time.  Kendall was almost 27 1/2" (87%) and 14 lb 13.5 oz (9%).  So they are both long and skinny.  I promise I feed them.  

Eating:   They eat about 6 oz  every 3 to 4 hours.  I'm trying to bump this up during non-solid meals.  I'm still making baby food for them and this is going well.  

Foods They Like:  Carrots, Peas, Green Beans, Apples with cinnamon (not so much plain), Sweet Potatoes, Parsnips, Pears, Bananas, Prunes and any kind of squash

Foods They Don't:  Seren is starting to like tart (peaches, apricots, etc) but Kendall still doesn't like these.

Favorite Things:  They still love each other.  Kendall loves the dog.  She will reach both hands out and lunge for him when he's around.  Thor (the dog) is super patient with both of them, licking their hands and feet even when they non-purposefully kick him or grab him.  I think they might actually like nap time and bedtime now.  They love baths.  They are starting to love the "superman game" and smile when we hum the music.

Dislikes:  Being hungry and tired.  Kendall also still has constipation issues...sad...luckily she loves prunes.  I still think Kendall might be starting to teeth but no teeth present yet. 

Their Accomplishments:  Seren is rolling both ways very well now.  Kendall is up on her hands and knees and rocking.  She also likes to get on the linoleum and scoot backwards on her tummy.  Seren is catching up quickly in this department.  They are both getting more social and are excited to see us when nap time or bedtime are over (I love that feeling).  They like playing "getcha" now and being tickled.  Kendall is mostly able to sit on her own but still topples and Seren is also mostly able to sit on her own except when she gets excited she throws herself backwards.

Our Accomplishments:  I have settled into a set schedule for naps and meal times.  I am trying to extend meal times out beyond 3 hours again though.  The schedule works great for them though.  Naps at 10:30 am and 2:30 pm and then bedtime starts at 7 pm.  I have also been taking on the girls by myself the last two weeks as DH has been out of town for a new job training.  My sister keeps me company after she gets off work and then leaves around 10:30pm.

Sleep:  I have rededicated myself to a set bedtime routine, after some meltdowns.  It has done wonders and they now typically go to sleep without a complaint or cry.  Bedtime bottle, bath time (sometimes a wash down and others just getting wet), change into PJs and then a story and to bed.  LOVE IT!!

Looking forward to:  We are going to Florida next month to visit my parents and I'm so excited for them to spend time with their other grandparents.  Excited to show them the ocean and other little things like that...although I'm sure they won't care really haha.  Also kind of excited (and nervous) for them to start crawling and be more mobile.  Looking forward to moving beyond purees a little more eventually. 

DE Mom musings:  I have been thinking more of the long term lately and how to introduce donor egg topics and making it age appropriate.  I know it will mean more to me then it will to them initially so just keeping it casual and not forced or too repetitive.  I think things will go smoothly but I worry a little about how it might be taken as they get older and if they say things to others about it.  Just the beginnings of feeling protective of them over it.  

 Kendall didn't want to sit still...so interested in the bear this time around

 Not the "cutest" picture of  Seren but it always makes me giggle and smile to see it

They pay more attention to each other too now

*note the adorable shirt/dresses from the $1 store.  Who says you can't find good stuff there :)

What makes a parent?

My sister and I watched the movie Chaos Theory a couple nights ago.  It has Ryan Reynolds in it and he's pretty entertaining.  The movie took a twist I wasn't expecting however.  *Spoiler Alert*  The man is organized to the extreme and his wife sets his watch back 10 minutes as a joke.  Anyway it screws up his whole schedule and day and through a series of events he discovers that his 7 year old daughter isn't his genetic child.  He comes to find out he has Klinefelter's Syndrome which in the movie the doctor tells him makes him completely sterile (although wikipedia states it causes reduced fertility not sterility).  Anyway apparently his wife did not realize it wasn't his child either so it wasn't like she was lying to him.  During one scene he confronts his wife about it and asks about the little girl "Who is her father?" and the wife keeps saying "You are" and giving examples of things he has done for his daughter...staying up nights with her during a fever, supporting her school work, adoring her as a baby and all of these things.  It kind of made me teary and sad for his character in relating to finding out that kind of knowledge in such a way.  But at the same time reinforced the idea that the father/mother or parent is the one that steps in and takes care of, adores and raises the child.  It doesn't discredit that someone else's genetics are involved but it also gives credit to (hopefully) what makes a parent and who a child will consider their mom or dad.

It also makes it easier to understand the importance of being honest with a child's history and makeup.  Although this story makes it seem that all parties involved were unaware of things playing out how they did.  I just couldn't imagine a child finding out that kind of information later in life and how confusing and emotional that would be.  We are in the "tell camp" when it comes to donor egg in vitro.  I guess you never know what is the right way to handle things or how a child will take this information but I hope that we are going into this with a clear head and I hope that keeping it simple and forthright will make it easier to understand and accept for our girls.

Reflections

I am taking up a "homework challenge" from Keiko at Hannah Wept Sarah Laughed to review some of my old and beginner posts and reflect on how I've grown and changed during this infertility struggle and journey.  I was basically diagnosed with POI/POF around age 26 and fully diagnosed at 27.  I was devastated and I used to feel irritated or bitter toward women who were older than me and were able to get pregnant.  My initial diagnosis was the darkest time I can recall in my life.  I started this blog about a year after that diagnosis.  Sometimes I wish I would have started it right from the beginning to really see the changes in attitude but I was definitely in no place at that time to be able to share that pain and insecurity with anyone.  I felt like a failure.  I felt like a disappointment.  I felt betrayed by my own self.  Anyway so I can't share with you the worst part of my travels but I'm sure it mirrors a lot of what many infertile people may feel.

As to reflections of posts that began my blogging.  I noticed a lot of gratitude for my husband and I can never express enough how much his support got me through.  I wouldn't claim he's the only person who could have or would have pulled me out or gone through it with me but I think he was the best person for the job.

I also look at the things that I was so worried about missing out on with children.  I was worried about not sharing looks and eye color and genetics.  Of course that is such a normal thing to be sad about initially but it honestly never crosses my mind anymore.  I think of how beautiful my daughters are and how much I love them and I can't imagine why those things mattered so much.  I realize these are the after thoughts of someone who has been lucky enough to be where I am and in no way consider it wrong for other's to mourn that loss.  But I really can tell you that it is such a null and void thought on this side.  I also worried about my feelings being less connected or attached to my kids based on the missing genetic link.  I couldn't be further off base with this worry.

One of my favorite posts of reflection was this one regarding "normal".  I was so wrapped up in being normal for the first year of my diagnosis and hoping and praying for miracles to happen and for us to conceive on our own that I missed out on a lot.  I'm glad that we had time on our side.  I'm actually glad at this juncture that I wasn't diagnosed during attempts to conceive and instead that it happened before I was even married.  It taught me about true love.  It helped me to grow and learn (and for us to save a butt load of money) before we pursued our donor egg in-vitro attempt.  It was actually a blessing in disguise even though I felt it was such horrible timing then.

So I end with a quote I still love today:
My darling girl when are you going to understand that being normal is not necessarily a virtue...it rather denotes a lack of courage. - Practical Magic-

No one who is required to go through great measures to achieve their dreams of a family can really say it's the "normal" route but it's the route we're given and we're all courageous for taking it on in whatever fashion we do.  So props to all of the infertility community out there and for all of your amazing courage.

Tourists and Twins

I just have to put this story down somewhere before I forget....like I have with so many other memories I'm sure.   We went to the Kennecott Copper Mine on Wednesday with the girls and Jeff's sister and her 4 kids.  It was apparently a tourist hot spot for those little buses with cute Asian tourists.  We got a few different looks and some "oh twins how cute" and such.  Jeff's sister joked that people probably thought we were polygamists (1 male, 2 females and 6 kids) since her husband was working and couldn't be there.  It was funny.  Then a small group of (I believe) Japanese tourists approached Jeff and I with the girls and were smiling and commenting on them.  Then one asks to take a picture and I was caught off guard plus what's the harm really so I agreed.  They took a picture of the girls and then took a picture with themselves next to the girls.  Very odd to say the least.  Jeff and I just laughed about it.  My sister, who taught English in Japan, always told me that Japanese people love babies and children but I had no idea they were that popular.

Meeting Goals...

I have been noticing that I haven't been hitting my 101 goals so much lately.  I have been chipping away at them once in a while or checking them off by basic accident (realizing later it was on my list) but in general I suck haven't done so well.  So I am aiming to get back to work on this and do better.  I think I will start working on the rotating menu and grocery list, wearing make-up daily for a month and putting together my Grandma B's recipes for a safer keeping.  I have definitely discovered that I feel better about myself when I am accomplishing things rather than just maintaining life and taking care of the girls (not that these aren't admirable things to do...I just want to work on more).  Add some spice to my life.  What kind of goals do you all have out there?  Maybe I'll start over again when time runs out in October 2012 :)