Momma Birds...

I recently put a hummingbird feeder out in our backyard.  Anyway...when I was out replacing the "nectar" I heard little chirps from above.  Come to find out we have a little bird nest in our tree.  Robins to be exact.  I got our ladder out and snapped a few pictures while the momma bird was away.  I'm hoping to catch some further pictures as they get bigger and develop...right now they are scrawny mostly-featherless little things.

This morning as I was standing at the kitchen window getting bottles ready for my waking babies, I saw the momma bird land on our fence with a worm in her beak and then fly into the tree to the nest.  I thought about us two mommas (the bird and I) providing for our little ones.  I know I'm cheesy sometimes but me and momma bird just bonded a little over a morning meal.

 Notice any similarities? :) hehe 

 Obviously I took the pictures of the girls after the ones of the birds but it made me smile.

The zoo and father's day...

We took the girls to the zoo this weekend.  Jeff and I and our dear friends L & J and their little girl went.  Yes the girls were too small to really care but the adults sure had fun.  I think the only animals the girls noticed were the silver back gorilla and orangutan (because they sat right by the glass).  Those were my favorite to see.  There was also animatronic dinosaurs throughout the park.  These were Jeff's favorite.  He secretly hopes that one of the girls fulfills his dream of being a paleontologist.  We went to dinner afterwards and they were relatively good there also considering it started to cut into their bedtime.  They take far less naps then they used to (one 2 hour nap usually and then a couple 30-45 minute ones it seems) and I think this makes bedtime without a bed a lot more cranky.

 Great Apes exhibit with our little monkeys 

 Jeff giving the dinosaur a little Seren snack

 Kendall was smiling at the idea of being eaten

Father's day was good also.  Jeff and I went to church that morning and then hung out at home with the girls for the afternoon.  Jeff got some weekend wear clothes and a "fling shot monkey".  We talked to my parents on the phone for a bit and then headed down to Jeff's parents to celebrate the rest of the day.  Jeff is such a great dad and willing to do so much for his little girls and big girl (me).  He sacrifices a lot and works hard so that we can take care of them and I never thought I'd enjoy being a stay-at-home mom (daycare isn't cost effective with twins) but I love it and I'm so grateful that he is happy to provide for our little family.  He is moving onto another job that will allow him to be home more (no more 10+ hour days...YEAH!) and we are still hoping for another job to work out but right now just happy that dad can be home more with the girls (and less stressed of course).

Seren enjoying some Sesame Street with dad on the iPad

Twin Mom Guilt...

We hung out with our good friends last night.  It was really nice and enjoyable.  I felt like I was finally able to talk to my good friend about the infertility stuff and not be downplayed or belittled.  But first off it started off with some twin questions.  She asked if I ever wondered if Seren would be less of a crier or panicky if she were able to be on her own schedule (ie not be a twin but an only child).  I didn't really take it offensive but at the same time was thinking, "why does it matter? that's not the scenario we have so why wonder?"  I honestly think Seren would be very similar to how she is whether she was a twin or not.  It's interesting to see that Kendall and Seren have basically met in the middle in my opinion.  Seren has actually mellowed out a lot (I think mostly because the colic stage has passed) and Kendall has become more demanding at times (probably because she sees it working for Seren).

Unlike some twin moms who learn by surprise we had a pretty good idea from the beginning.  We were given a 40% + chance of twins based on the donor's history and the appearance of our embryos.  And sometimes I do feel guilty for them being twins.  Guilty that I can't pay attention to them enough or give them enough one-on-one time.  I catch myself thinking "I'm sorry that I put you in this situation" when one or both of them is having a really hard day and I'm trying to juggle loving on both.  I used to feel more guilty about it (often crying because I felt inadequate for them) so things have gotten better.  I wonder if most moms of multiples feel this way.  Just inadequate and somewhat guilty that they can't do enough.  I suppose that's another reason it bothers me when my friend compares developmental milestones of our children...because I feel I've put them at a disadvantage.  But in reality I know they will develop just as normally (they have so far) as any single child and will actually be better off for learning to share, socialize and be more patient right from the beginning.  They are lucky to have each other and have a sister who is their same age.  I'm excited to see them grow up together and have that special relationship.

On the other plus side, like I was saying, I really felt like my friend and I somewhat connected on the infertility stuff for the first time.  It has been a looooong while since the topic has truly been broached.  We both got to talking about whether we would have another child.  They plan to and my DH is settled while I'm not 100% sure yet.  She asked what we would do if we had twins again and I told her I wouldn't open it to that possibility (explaining more of the DE IVF stuff and only putting back one embryo).  Then she asked about the donor and how we had gone about picking someone.  I always thought I would be offended a little by people asking about the donor (no one really has yet...not very many family or friends know) but I wasn't offended.  In fact I was almost excited to tell her about the way things had worked out and how I really felt good about things and making the right decision once our donor was selected.  It was just a good conversation and I was also able to reiterate my concern/request with privacy and not talking to anyone else about it, explaining that Kendall and Seren deserve to know and understand and later share that information how they see fit and it's not really my place or choice beyond what Jeff and I feel is necessary to keep them "safe" emotionally (if that makes sense).

I really feel like fate led us down this route and I am so lucky to have the kiddos that I do.  They are so special and I hope I live every day as their mom making sure that they know that.  Every child is special of course but I like to think children brought to parents with infertility struggles are just a little more then most.

What I've learned...

We were hanging out with our good friends the other night.  Their daughter is basically 2 months younger then Kendall and Seren.  She is adorable.  Anyway they were sitting with her between them and comparing her looks to their own.  "I think she has my mouth but your eyes" and "No her mouth is more heart shaped like mine".  I just held one of my daughters and smiled.  I didn't really care which parent their daughter looked like so I wasn't going to comment or add my opinion.  I have noticed I don't really comment on things of that nature with babies and their parents.  I guess it's just not my focus anymore.  Anyway it just made me think about the things I've read about how genetics are not just in whole passed down from the parent.  It is not one parent or the other that is reflected in the child's appearance.  It could be a paternal aunt, a maternal grandmother or a distant relative that a child appears to have the look of.  Truthfully they only look like themselves in my opinion (and as DH puts it).

So some things that I have learned from being the mom to two beautiful girls via egg donation are:  genetics play no part in how we feel about our kids,  genetics are so much more complicated (ie epigenetics) then most people seem to understand, parental love is deeper than anything that would be "skin deep" or in that realm and I have the children I was meant to have heart, body and soul.

*side note* There is so much information on epigenetics.  I agree with the article above that it does not or should not discredit the donor's egg or DNA.  I know I wouldn't have been able to get pregnant or have these kids without her (and I plan on telling our kids that same truth).  But I also believe that there is some play on the appearance and ultimate outcome of children born of donor eggs through epigenetics.

5 months old

Weight:  No official measurements.  We're guessing around 13 pounds or so.  Kendall is bigger than Seren at this time. 

Eating:   They eat about 6 oz  every 3 to 4 hours.  We have been introducing solids a little bit for the last few days.  I have been making these which has been fun.  They have tried avacados, green beans and pears (and rice cereal).  Kendall loved avacados and Seren hated them.  They both ended up enjoying green beans the second time around.  The pears and rice cereal have just been tolerable and eaten.  

Favorite Things:  They still love each other.  They hold hands pretty frequently and I've found both sucking the others hand on occasion.  Kendall unfortunately has found her thumb which is both positive and negative...positive in that she doesn't suck well on binkies and negative in that, well, it's thumb sucking.  They like watching their parents behave like crazy people to entertain them.  They love dancing and both giggle at being danced around the living room.  They like the dog.  They stay awake more now so it's more fun and challenging to entertain them.  We now have a double jogging stroller that I think they enjoy.

Dislikes:  Being hungry and tired.

Their Accomplishments:   They both do excellent at tummy time.  Kendall rolls over tummy to back and is so close to going back to tummy but gets stuck on her arm.  Seren has rolled over by accident but it scared her so she doesn't like to.  I try to work with her on it and encourage her which helps.  Seren loves to be held up so she can stand.  Seren is still very social and laughs a lot more now (developing high pitched squeals).  Kendall is becoming more social and smiles a lot more now and laughs.  We practice having them sit up and they are doing well at this also...obviously not on their own yet but getting there quickly it seems.  They have improved a ton in eating solids in the last few days...I thought it would take them longer to learn to swallow.

Our Accomplishments:  Nothing really new.  I have been reading up and researching baby food which has been enjoyable to do.  We are keeping up with a routine of sorts for them which seems to help.  We have our house listed and manage to keep it pretty clean despite taking care of two babies. 

Sleep:  Bedtime routine is really starting to catch on.  We bathe every other night usually, sometimes every couple of nights.  We feed them dinner around 8 or 8:30, change into pajamas and then put them down.  Tonight we did our first session of bedtime storying after pjs.  It went very well and they were easy to put down afterwards.  Seren has taken to enjoying a verse of singing by mom before falling asleep too.  We have had a few nights the last week or so of them sleeping 8 and 8 1/2 hours...so those have been super nice.  It definitely seems they are catching on to skipping their middle of the night feeding.  YEAH!!

DH was playing "look at me" entertainer behind me with the camera...obviously doing a good job 

Kendall

Seren

Starting solids...

We have started the girls on solids.  Adventures in baby food making as I call it.  It has been interesting and fun.  They seem to like cereal when formula is mixed in (not so much with water).  They have also tried avacado, pears and green beans.  Kendall has been open to trying most anything it seems and Seren is more reluctant surprisingly.  I have been making my own baby food for them.  This has been more enjoyable then I was expecting.  I started a blog on this also that you can find here.  So if you have ever wanted to try making baby food and think it's too hard...trust me it's not.  It is really pretty simple (at least so far).  I even have my good friend ("the copycat") talking about how she's going to make her own now too...despite the fact she was mocking a friend of hers (behind her back) for being a suzie homemaker and making baby food.  Don't knock it until you try it.  I just love that I'm able to add more variety to their diet then what you can find in the jars.  Plus then they can get exposure to what we eat and other tastes so hopefully (fingers crossed) they won't be picky eaters in the long run.

Skiwampus...

That's one of my new favorite words.  Anyway my body is skiwampus and can't decide what to do with itself.  I started back on my birth control about 3 months after the girls were born.  Two weeks into taking it I started a period.  I thought well I did miss a pill on accident that's probably why but stopped taking the pills to allow my body to straighten itself out.  I waited a month or so past this period to see if anything else happened (asking a general doctor on the way to run my FSH and estradiol...no go from him :p).  Then I started back up a little less then two weeks ago and low and behold another period seems to be rearing its head.  It's been really light so I'm not sure.  But this time I haven't missed taking any of my pills so what gives?

Now I'm understanding why menopausal women find this so annoying.  Before I used to think "yeah a period off schedule...maybe something is happening".  But now it's like I have no expectation or desire (at least at this point) of pregnancy the skiwampus periods are really just annoying instead.  I wish my body would figure itself out so that I could get on with the day.

On the interesting side of life...we put our house on the market less than a week ago (we've had one showing...not sure if it was a favor or actual potential buyer), DH is interviewing with jobs (hoping to have less stress and more time at home) and we bought a used jogging stroller (hopefully it will inspire some exercise once it stops raining...when did I move to Seattle and not realize it??)