There are times with the donor egg aspect of parenthood that even those I love the most may say something that unintentionally hurts a little. As Jeff and I were getting the girls ready for bed the other night he looked at Kendall and said something about how she does look a lot like him and "I see myself in you" and for a few moments it just really struck me and made me a little sad. I don't ever want to take away from that marvel that my husband, along with many other parents, get to enjoy...seeing themselves in their children. And although most days I take little to no note whether Kendall and Seren look anything like me (they probably don't and any similarity I see is most likely just my longing to see it) there are times that I wish just a little to have that connection too.
As I've thought about it over the last couple of days though I realize more and more that I do see myself in them. Maybe not physically but as they develop and show more personality I feel like I can see my impact on that. Jeff has told me a few times that they will be very affectionate and say "I love you" a lot because that is how I am with them (his family is a little more shy on the lovey side of things). I hope so. And I hope that the older they get the more I will be able to see my personality and that side of things in them (not to say that they won't be their own person...obviously they will). But I also believe we cultivate and influence the stronger development of this through our parenting. I see myself in the way that they will interact with the world and I hope that this will be a good influence.
2 comments:
I feel exactly the same!!! It is so hard for me knowing they will never look like me physically. I feel so wierd when someone who doesnt know they are donor says oh she/he looks just like you. I don't correct them. But I know for sure we will have the most incredible influence on their mannerisms, speech, expression and personality...they will become like us through imitation in so many ways perhaps they will resemble us after all xxx
Thanks Cam. I agree with you and I've never corrected the few times it's been said either hehe I love how you phrased the last line; so much that I'm a little teary now. I really believe that is true.
Post a Comment