Using donor eggs to get pregnant was never something I felt was a forced choice. True it wasn't fantastic news to find out I couldn't get pregnant naturally and it would cost so much to have kids. And I definitely went through some grieving over a loss of genetics...something I thought was so important at the time. But I was still so grateful to know I had a chance to get pregnant and carry our children. A pretty good chance based on my diagnosis and according to my research.
In all honesty we had other choices we could have made. We could have pursued adoption. We could have lived child free. We could have kept trying things with my own body (we never got too crazy with this). We chose donor eggs because it made the most sense to us. We wanted a family; there was no doubt about that. It was what we felt was the best guarantee and it allowed us more control over our situation. When it came to infertility that was something I really wanted...a feeling of control. We controlled the timeline not some adoption agency or pregnant woman looking through profiles. We controlled the prenatal care these children would receive. There wasn't someone else in charge or someone who could take the possibility of a child away from us (at least if we had trust in our donor which we did based on her prior cycles and history). It was the best choice for us.
So when I read informational articles, news or other blogs that act as if women are forced into this decision and are mourning their losses the whole way or even worse after they are blessed with children through donor egg...it really irks me. I honestly don't think it's true for most women of donor egg children. I just feel like some may rush into donor egg and not really process it all and truly accept it as a good route and choice for them. But truth be told there were and are other options. They chose this and to look at it as anything that was forced by the hand they were dealt makes me feel like those beautiful and amazing gifts they were given are being discredited.
Yes it can be hard to give up some piece of your dream and have it realized another way. But it is still realized. For me I feel like it has been realized beyond anything I ever dreamed of before or after infertility became a part of my life.
2 comments:
Hi! You know, I only knew about your baby food blog. Then I stumbled across your family blog. Where I really belonged is here! Duh! Anyway, I totally agree with you here. I had no choice, aside from adoption or going child-free, but DE. But I've never regretted it for a millisecond. Being a breast cancer survivor, I never really mourned the genetic loss either mainly because I felt good about not passing on that genetic predisposition to my daughter.
Your babies are gorgeous!
That is too funny. Seriously I had no idea you didn't know about this blog and assumed when I followed you back from the baby food blog that you had found it through this blog as I mentioned it. It is awesome that we found a fellow DE mom by accident :) There are a lot of things I'm glad I'm not passing on (my family is famous for diabetes, heart disease and cancer).
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