Hope is a choice...

I have been staving off the reaction to be scared for a while. I have been putting things to the back of my mind and not worrying about the outcome. I've been telling myself that the outcome doesn't matter. But now as I feel like we're actually going somewhere and things in the next few weeks will determine the outcome...I'm scared. As I was sitting this morning preparing and organizing my pills I just had this feeling of fear. Fear that this (possibly) one time chance wouldn't work. That something might go wrong or that my body might act up at an inopportune time. I felt worried to the point that I was teary eyed. It's possible that we may never see two lines on a pregnancy test or I may never know what it's like to carry a child and give birth. It's possible for everyone to not have this happen but I just feel especially vulnerable in our current circumstance. I hope it does happen. It seems like sometimes hope is the only thing we have control over. I sent an article to my friend with POI about hope and one of my favorite quotes is this:

"Hope is not based on the ability to fabricate a better future; it is grounded in the ability to remember with new understanding an equally difficult past...Hope is not some kind of delusional optimism to be resorted to because we simply cannot face the hard facts that threaten to swamp our hearts...hope remains, nevertheless, a choice."