I've never really been one to be jealous. I've been happy with what I've been given and I've typically tried to get what I didn't have. But I feel like now with all this POF/infertility stuff that maybe I won't be able to get what I want. Lately I am jealous a lot when I see others with children. Not jealous that I don't have one but jealous that it seems so easy for them to get there. There weren't thousands of dollars saved and spent for most of these babies to be conceived. There weren't thoughts of if it would ever happen for some parents either. I don't really understand how it would feel to think that way...I feel like I've never been able to think that way. I don't even put sex and getting pregnant in the same thought process anymore...sometimes it doesn't even occur to me that that's how it usually works for most people.
Jeff and I went to a family gathering tonight. It was with my Aunt and Uncle's family and kids and my immediate family too. My Aunt and Uncle have 4 kids and a number of grandchildren. No fertility troubles going on there. I love kids and I love being around kids but I just kept thinking: why me? why us? why of all the things that could happen did this happen? I just felt so jealous of them and of these cute kids. These cute kids that look like their parents. I want things to be easy or easier like that. But I can't do anything to change it...I just need to find a way to overcome this type of jealousy.
1 comment:
Hi! I know exactly what you are saying! You are not alone! It is way hard. I haven't been a jealous type either until I was told I had POF. Are you aware of www.pofsupport.org? It is a good site that has given me a lot of answers. I was told I originally had POF when I was 18. That was 11 years ago. If I could give any advice it would be take a day at a time and don't forget that Heavenly Father loves you and is aware of your sorrow in this trial. I have gained more understanding about the atonement and about who I am while going through this. It is hard but you are not alone! I'm here always if you need someone to talk to. Hope you and your hubby had a very Merry Christmas and that your New year is full of blessings!
Take care!
Heather
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